9 Ridiculous Cooking Myths You Probably Believe (Cracked)

[DECI4]

I've got $5 that says that if you ever actually have worked in a real restaurant it was one of those places that does externships.

When YOU graduate from the minor leagues, you might find that if you really love cooking for a living you can make a pretty goddamn good living at it on your own terms once you get over all the bullshit you're so obviously crammed full of.

Pay up. I've worked in many real restaurants and unlike you I don't think I know everything and haven't stopped learning to chase the money.

[DECI4]

Continue to guess and I'll continue to make you look foolish.

Don't you have to start to continue?

I'd love to hear your opinions on what we are discussing. Please. Contribute.

You first. And I mean something other than condescending, trite remarks that have no substance.

Reread the thread.

[DECI4]

Tell me, are you one of those people who thinks that Ferran Adria's stuff counts as real food?

I'll answer that question if you can tell me how it isn't.

Easy. How would your grandparents react if you plopped that stuff in front of them for Sunday dinner? (admittedly I run the risk that you come from a long genetic history of self-importance and snobbery at the expense of taste but it's a chance I'm willing to take).

Would they say something like "wow, I've had this a million times before and it's NEVER tasted THIS good!" or would they say something like "What the fuck is this shit and what am I supposed to do with it?"

Don't get me wrong, I think Ferran Adria is a genius and I wish I could have eaten at El Bulli (though I'd rather eat at Alinea anyway), but that's culinary parlor tricks. Fascinating and perhaps actually delicious at times, but not real food.

What is your definition of real food?

[East Coast Hustle]

In short, any REAL professional cook worth a damn will have long ago gotten over the idiot culinary pretentiousness that you appear to cling to so tightly. You remind me of me when I was 20.

Are you listening to yourself?

Sure am. And I'm also listening to you. And both sides of the conversation are reminding me that I made the right choice by getting out of the foodie-snob mindset early on in my career.

I get paid fat to do what I love in a vastly more interesting setting than a restaurant, with nobody above me in the kitchen to meddle in my work and nobody below me to fuck shit up. I cook for the same people every day, so I can't hide behind a handful of go-to dishes which inspires me to keep learning and being creative and making food that's interesting. And since I'm just a mercenary I don't have to be the one to worry about things like vendor payments, building rent, staffing issues, etc.

Honestly, there's literally nothing you can say to me to impress me with your knowledge. All you're doing is impressing upon me how wasteful it is when someone who might have had a lifetime of making the lives of other people better via their passion for good food gets caught up in the "culinary culture" and all of the soul-crushing and counterproductive crap that goes along with it.

There are people who suffer from that malady and manage to become exceptions. You probably own their expensive, poorly-written books and yearn for an externship in their restaurants. But you've made it very apparent that YOU are not made from stern enough stuff to take that path. In ten years you'll either be an assistant manager at Applebees or going through rehab for a staggering coke addiction.

[East Coast Hustle]

Tell me, are you one of those people who thinks that Ferran Adria's stuff counts as real food?

I'll answer that question if you can tell me how it isn't.

Easy. How would your grandparents react if you plopped that stuff in front of them for Sunday dinner? (admittedly I run the risk that you come from a long genetic history of self-importance and snobbery at the expense of taste but it's a chance I'm willing to take).

Would they say something like "wow, I've had this a million times before and it's NEVER tasted THIS good!" or would they say something like "What the fuck is this shit and what am I supposed to do with it?"

Don't get me wrong, I think Ferran Adria is a genius and I wish I could have eaten at El Bulli (though I'd rather eat at Alinea anyway), but that's culinary parlor tricks. Fascinating and perhaps actually delicious at times, but not real food.

What is your definition of real food?

Did you not read the post you quoted or is your reading comprehension just THAT poor?

[Phox]

I don't think I know everything

Coulda fooled me. 

and haven't stopped learning to chase the money.

Oh, so you're shallow as well, eh? Not that I'm surprised, of course.

Continue to guess and I'll continue to make you look foolish.

Don't you have to start to continue?

I'd love to hear your opinions on what we are discussing. Please. Contribute.

You first. And I mean something other than condescending, trite remarks that have no substance.

Reread the thread.

I did. You said very little that wasn't a "True Scotsman", a sneering chide, or an arrogant "they are simply" wrong.

You made a single name drop that means nothing, and you claim to be awesome.

You have never once explained why anyone is wrong. Not that any of us, believe you actually know.

Protip: If you came in sounding like a person who knows what they are talking about, rather than a sophomore pedant, it'd be muh more likely that we'd buy your bullshit.  "Hey, I disagree with you about this and here's why"  sounds a lot better than " They are wrong, and you are ignorant and a fool."

[DECI4]

In short, any REAL professional cook worth a damn will have long ago gotten over the idiot culinary pretentiousness that you appear to cling to so tightly. You remind me of me when I was 20.

Are you listening to yourself?

Sure am. And I'm also listening to you. And both sides of the conversation are reminding me that I made the right choice by getting out of the foodie-snob mindset early on in my career.

I get paid fat to do what I love in a vastly more interesting setting than a restaurant, with nobody above me in the kitchen to meddle in my work and nobody below me to fuck shit up. I cook for the same people every day, so I can't hide behind a handful of go-to dishes which inspires me to keep learning and being creative and making food that's interesting. And since I'm just a mercenary I don't have to be the one to worry about things like vendor payments, building rent, staffing issues, etc.

Honestly, there's literally nothing you can say to me to impress me with your knowledge. All you're doing is impressing upon me how wasteful it is when someone who might have had a lifetime of making the lives of other people better via their passion for good food gets caught up in the "culinary culture" and all of the soul-crushing and counterproductive crap that goes along with it.

There are people who suffer from that malady and manage to become exceptions. You probably own their expensive, poorly-written books and yearn for an externship in their restaurants. But you've made it very apparent that YOU are not made from stern enough stuff to take that path. In ten years you'll either be an assistant manager at Applebees or going through rehab for a staggering coke addiction.

How have I made that apparent exactly? I love what I do, and I wouldn't keep pushing and striving to get better every day if I didn't. I haven't said anything derogatory about simple, more traditional food in this thread, I really enjoy cooking and eating that way provided the ingredients are good and the technique is on point. The fact is, you opened your mouth, made a half assed dismissive comment about things you don't understand and you've been attacking me, and unsuccessfully trying to justify your opinions ever since. Sorry buddy, but you fucked with the wrong one. It happens.

You would do your self a favor to be more humble and continue to learn about food in every aspect. Instead of attacking those that chose a different path maybe you can learn a few things and become a better cook in the process. No shame in making a good living, it's great that you are happy with what you do, but to make the blanket generalization that striving for excellence, making money, and happiness are mutually exclusive is wrong at best.

Now keep making excuses and talk about my supposed career in fast food if it will make you feel better.

[DECI4]

and haven't stopped learning to chase the money.

Oh, so you're shallow as well, eh? Not that I'm surprised, of course.

You really took that out of context. Try again.

[East Coast Hustle]

Lucky for me, I'm excellent AND happy as well as fat paid. And extremely amused by YOU telling anybody about being humble. And for the record, I made a dismissive comment about things YOU don't understand. Try to keep up, sparky.

Fast food wouldn't hire you. They're process-driven and you can't even figure out how to use the quote function on an internet forum correctly.

[DECI4]

You made a single name drop that means nothing, and you claim to be awesome.

How does the "name drop" mean nothing? I mentioned an expert on the subject of the discussion as suggested reading for interested parties.

You have never once explained why anyone is wrong. Not that any of us, believe you actually know.

You just haven't been paying attention. I explained why it is foolish to cover resting meat with foil. Do I really need to explain in more detail? Would you rest a steak by turning a 400 degree oven off and tossing the steak inside? The rest of the arguments leave little to correct, save the childish personal attacks on me ranging from "I've never worked in a restaurant" to "you'll be in rehab for cocaine in ten years".

Protip: If you came in sounding like a person who knows what they are talking about, rather than a sophomore pedant, it'd be muh more likely that we'd buy your bullshit.  "Hey, I disagree with you about this and here's why"  sounds a lot better than " They are wrong, and you are ignorant and a fool."

What would you call someone who makes a factually, literally wrong claim about a proven cooking technique they clearly don't understand and then claim they would punch somebody in the face over it? I guess your "protips" only apply when it isn't one of your forum buddies.

[DECI4]

Lucky for me, I'm excellent AND happy as well as fat paid. And extremely amused by YOU telling anybody about being humble. And for the record, I made a dismissive comment about things YOU don't understand. Try to keep up, sparky.

Do you have working experience cooking sous-vide? I do. I'm keeping up just fine, but you know that.

Fast food wouldn't hire you. They're process-driven and you can't even figure out how to use the quote function on an internet forum correctly.

You are probably right, I'm vastly over qualified.

[East Coast Hustle]

You made a single name drop that means nothing, and you claim to be awesome.

How does the "name drop" mean nothing? I mentioned an expert on the subject of the discussion as suggested reading for interested parties.

You have never once explained why anyone is wrong. Not that any of us, believe you actually know.

You just haven't been paying attention. I explained why it is foolish to cover resting meat with foil. Do I really need to explain in more detail? Would you rest a steak by turning a 400 degree oven off and tossing the steak inside? The rest of the arguments leave little to correct, save the childish personal attacks on me ranging from "I've never worked in a restaurant" to "you'll be in rehab for cocaine in ten years".

Protip: If you came in sounding like a person who knows what they are talking about, rather than a sophomore pedant, it'd be muh more likely that we'd buy your bullshit.  "Hey, I disagree with you about this and here's why"  sounds a lot better than " They are wrong, and you are ignorant and a fool."

What would you call someone who makes a factually, literally wrong claim about a proven cooking technique they clearly don't understand and then claim they would punch somebody in the face over it? I guess your "protips" only apply when it isn't one of your forum buddies.

I'm still missing the part where anybody was arguing in favor of covering meat with foil while it rests.

That reading comprehension is really holding you back. Is that why you chose culinary school, because you could muddle through by looking at the pictures?

[DECI4]

You made a single name drop that means nothing, and you claim to be awesome.

How does the "name drop" mean nothing? I mentioned an expert on the subject of the discussion as suggested reading for interested parties.

You have never once explained why anyone is wrong. Not that any of us, believe you actually know.

You just haven't been paying attention. I explained why it is foolish to cover resting meat with foil. Do I really need to explain in more detail? Would you rest a steak by turning a 400 degree oven off and tossing the steak inside? The rest of the arguments leave little to correct, save the childish personal attacks on me ranging from "I've never worked in a restaurant" to "you'll be in rehab for cocaine in ten years".

Protip: If you came in sounding like a person who knows what they are talking about, rather than a sophomore pedant, it'd be muh more likely that we'd buy your bullshit.  "Hey, I disagree with you about this and here's why"  sounds a lot better than " They are wrong, and you are ignorant and a fool."

What would you call someone who makes a factually, literally wrong claim about a proven cooking technique they clearly don't understand and then claim they would punch somebody in the face over it? I guess your "protips" only apply when it isn't one of your forum buddies.

I'm still missing the part where anybody was arguing in favor of covering meat with foil while it rests.

That reading comprehension is really holding you back. Is that why you chose culinary school, because you could muddle through by looking at the pictures?

I'm assuming they often recommend covering the steak with aluminium-foil during this period not only to keep it hot, but also because the re-absorbing process probably takes some time.

Sigh.

[Don Coyote]

You made a single name drop that means nothing, and you claim to be awesome.

How does the "name drop" mean nothing? I mentioned an expert on the subject of the discussion as suggested reading for interested parties.

You have never once explained why anyone is wrong. Not that any of us, believe you actually know.

You just haven't been paying attention. I explained why it is foolish to cover resting meat with foil. Do I really need to explain in more detail? Would you rest a steak by turning a 400 degree oven off and tossing the steak inside? The rest of the arguments leave little to correct, save the childish personal attacks on me ranging from "I've never worked in a restaurant" to "you'll be in rehab for cocaine in ten years".

Protip: If you came in sounding like a person who knows what they are talking about, rather than a sophomore pedant, it'd be muh more likely that we'd buy your bullshit.  "Hey, I disagree with you about this and here's why"  sounds a lot better than " They are wrong, and you are ignorant and a fool."

What would you call someone who makes a factually, literally wrong claim about a proven cooking technique they clearly don't understand and then claim they would punch somebody in the face over it? I guess your "protips" only apply when it isn't one of your forum buddies.

I'm still missing the part where anybody was arguing in favor of covering meat with foil while it rests.

That reading comprehension is really holding you back. Is that why you chose culinary school, because you could muddle through by looking at the pictures?

I'm assuming they often recommend covering the steak with aluminium-foil during this period not only to keep it hot, but also because the re-absorbing process probably takes some time.

Sigh.

The one and only instance, which was phrased in a manner to garner more information on the subject.

[Phox]

You have never once explained why anyone is wrong. Not that any of us, believe you actually know.

You just haven't been paying attention. I explained why it is foolish to cover resting meat with foil. Do I really need to explain in more detail? Would you rest a steak by turning a 400 degree oven off and tossing the steak inside? The rest of the arguments leave little to correct, save the childish personal attacks on me ranging from "I've never worked in a restaurant" to "you'll be in rehab for cocaine in ten years".

Okay, I admit it. You did mention that covering resting meat is a bad idea because of carry over cooking. I'm sorry, I overlooked that.

What would you call someone who makes a factually, literally wrong claim about a proven cooking technique they clearly don't understand and then claim they would punch somebody in the face over it? I guess your "protips" only apply when it isn't one of your forum buddies.

Forgive the incorrect quote tag on this one, I made slight error in my difficult, and strenuous cutting and pasting, but I'm sure that you can empathize.

Anyway, to actually address the issue. This one is easy. Since we're dealing with a hypothetical, because that didn't actually happen (ECH is totally correct about that reading comprehension of yours. You might want to think about correcting the problem).
I'd tell them that they were wrong, tell them why and if they insisted on beign a douchebag about it, well, I'd tell them that as well.

I wouldn't enter into a conversation in which I don't know the people involved and immediately begin disparaging them and claiming to be superior, and then blow a lot of smoke with no substance. But that's just me.