9 Ridiculous Cooking Myths You Probably Believe (Cracked)

[DECI4]

You made a single name drop that means nothing, and you claim to be awesome.

How does the "name drop" mean nothing? I mentioned an expert on the subject of the discussion as suggested reading for interested parties.

You have never once explained why anyone is wrong. Not that any of us, believe you actually know.

You just haven't been paying attention. I explained why it is foolish to cover resting meat with foil. Do I really need to explain in more detail? Would you rest a steak by turning a 400 degree oven off and tossing the steak inside? The rest of the arguments leave little to correct, save the childish personal attacks on me ranging from "I've never worked in a restaurant" to "you'll be in rehab for cocaine in ten years".

Protip: If you came in sounding like a person who knows what they are talking about, rather than a sophomore pedant, it'd be muh more likely that we'd buy your bullshit.  "Hey, I disagree with you about this and here's why"  sounds a lot better than " They are wrong, and you are ignorant and a fool."

What would you call someone who makes a factually, literally wrong claim about a proven cooking technique they clearly don't understand and then claim they would punch somebody in the face over it? I guess your "protips" only apply when it isn't one of your forum buddies.

I'm still missing the part where anybody was arguing in favor of covering meat with foil while it rests.

That reading comprehension is really holding you back. Is that why you chose culinary school, because you could muddle through by looking at the pictures?

I'm assuming they often recommend covering the steak with aluminium-foil during this period not only to keep it hot, but also because the re-absorbing process probably takes some time.

Sigh.

The one and only instance, which was phrased in a manner to garner more information on the subject.

And the information was given, what is your point?

[East Coast Hustle]

You have never once explained why anyone is wrong. Not that any of us, believe you actually know.

You just haven't been paying attention. I explained why it is foolish to cover resting meat with foil. Do I really need to explain in more detail? Would you rest a steak by turning a 400 degree oven off and tossing the steak inside? The rest of the arguments leave little to correct, save the childish personal attacks on me ranging from "I've never worked in a restaurant" to "you'll be in rehab for cocaine in ten years".

Okay, I admit it. You did mention that covering resting meat is a bad idea because of carry over cooking. I'm sorry, I overlooked that.

What would you call someone who makes a factually, literally wrong claim about a proven cooking technique they clearly don't understand and then claim they would punch somebody in the face over it? I guess your "protips" only apply when it isn't one of your forum buddies.

Forgive the incorrect quote tag on this one, I made slight error in my difficult, and strenuous cutting and pasting, but I'm sure that you can empathize.

Anyway, to actually address the issue. This one is easy. Since we're dealing with a hypothetical, because that didn't actually happen (ECH is totally correct about that reading comprehension of yours. You might want to think about correcting the problem).
I'd tell them that they were wrong, tell them why and if they insisted on beign a douchebag about it, well, I'd tell them that as well.

I wouldn't enter into a conversation in which I don't know the people involved and immediately begin disparaging them and claiming to be superior, and then blow a lot of smoke with no substance. But that's just me. 

And that's why you have friends. Which is just one of the glaring differences between you and DECI4.

[East Coast Hustle]

You made a single name drop that means nothing, and you claim to be awesome.

How does the "name drop" mean nothing? I mentioned an expert on the subject of the discussion as suggested reading for interested parties.

You have never once explained why anyone is wrong. Not that any of us, believe you actually know.

You just haven't been paying attention. I explained why it is foolish to cover resting meat with foil. Do I really need to explain in more detail? Would you rest a steak by turning a 400 degree oven off and tossing the steak inside? The rest of the arguments leave little to correct, save the childish personal attacks on me ranging from "I've never worked in a restaurant" to "you'll be in rehab for cocaine in ten years".

Protip: If you came in sounding like a person who knows what they are talking about, rather than a sophomore pedant, it'd be muh more likely that we'd buy your bullshit.  "Hey, I disagree with you about this and here's why"  sounds a lot better than " They are wrong, and you are ignorant and a fool."

What would you call someone who makes a factually, literally wrong claim about a proven cooking technique they clearly don't understand and then claim they would punch somebody in the face over it? I guess your "protips" only apply when it isn't one of your forum buddies.

I'm still missing the part where anybody was arguing in favor of covering meat with foil while it rests.

That reading comprehension is really holding you back. Is that why you chose culinary school, because you could muddle through by looking at the pictures?

I'm assuming they often recommend covering the steak with aluminium-foil during this period not only to keep it hot, but also because the re-absorbing process probably takes some time.

Sigh.

The one and only instance, which was phrased in a manner to garner more information on the subject.

And the information was given, what is your point?

probably that, contrary to what you keep blathering on about, nobody here was arguing in favor of it.

[Don Coyote]

You made a single name drop that means nothing, and you claim to be awesome.

How does the "name drop" mean nothing? I mentioned an expert on the subject of the discussion as suggested reading for interested parties.

You have never once explained why anyone is wrong. Not that any of us, believe you actually know.

You just haven't been paying attention. I explained why it is foolish to cover resting meat with foil. Do I really need to explain in more detail? Would you rest a steak by turning a 400 degree oven off and tossing the steak inside? The rest of the arguments leave little to correct, save the childish personal attacks on me ranging from "I've never worked in a restaurant" to "you'll be in rehab for cocaine in ten years".

Protip: If you came in sounding like a person who knows what they are talking about, rather than a sophomore pedant, it'd be muh more likely that we'd buy your bullshit.  "Hey, I disagree with you about this and here's why"  sounds a lot better than " They are wrong, and you are ignorant and a fool."

What would you call someone who makes a factually, literally wrong claim about a proven cooking technique they clearly don't understand and then claim they would punch somebody in the face over it? I guess your "protips" only apply when it isn't one of your forum buddies.

I'm still missing the part where anybody was arguing in favor of covering meat with foil while it rests.

That reading comprehension is really holding you back. Is that why you chose culinary school, because you could muddle through by looking at the pictures?

I'm assuming they often recommend covering the steak with aluminium-foil during this period not only to keep it hot, but also because the re-absorbing process probably takes some time.

Sigh.

The one and only instance, which was phrased in a manner to garner more information on the subject.

And the information was given, what is your point?

probably that, contrary to what you keep blathering on about, nobody here was arguing in favor of it.

Exactly.

[DECI4]

What would you call someone who makes a factually, literally wrong claim about a proven cooking technique they clearly don't understand and then claim they would punch somebody in the face over it? I guess your "protips" only apply when it isn't one of your forum buddies.

Forgive the incorrect quote tag on this one, I made slight error in my difficult, and strenuous cutting and pasting, but I'm sure that you can empathize.

Anyway, to actually address the issue. This one is easy. Since we're dealing with a hypothetical, because that didn't actually happen (ECH is totally correct about that reading comprehension of yours. You might want to think about correcting the problem).
I'd tell them that they were wrong, tell them why and if they insisted on beign a douchebag about it, well, I'd tell them that as well.

I wouldn't enter into a conversation in which I don't know the people involved and immediately begin disparaging them and claiming to be superior, and then blow a lot of smoke with no substance. But that's just me.

What do you mean that didn't actually happen? Please break it down for me, my reading comprehension is terrible I guess, where is the smoke with no substance? I've directly responded to every question posed to me. I admit most of this thread is defending myself from fuckyouoneeys insults, assumptions and piss poor psychoanalysis because I had the audacity to call him out on his ridiculous opions on sous-vide cooking and I admit sharing the blame by stooping to his level and being dismissive in the face of his bragging but he was the one that started the "don't argue with me I've been cooking professionally my whole life" schtick and in nearly  the same breath saying  "do you really want me to list my professional qualifications/resume? I think it's an incredibly pretentious appeal to authority but if you're one of those idiots who thinks that authority stems from position then I'll be happy to oblige".

The guy is simply desperate to save face and is continuing to attack me while I'm simply attacking his arguments.

[East Coast Hustle]

My only argument is that sous vide is an unacceptable way to cook meat for human consumption.

Not my problem if you like to eat crappy meat.

[Phox]

My only argument is that sous vide is an unacceptable way to cook meat for human consumption.

Not my problem if you like to eat crappy meat.

I believe this clarifies the matter.

So it's a matter of taste and opinion which has nothing to do with factually, literally correct anything. The rest (the bit about the fistfight) can be attributed to the brand of humor we use around here. Or not.

[DECI4]

You made a single name drop that means nothing, and you claim to be awesome.

How does the "name drop" mean nothing? I mentioned an expert on the subject of the discussion as suggested reading for interested parties.

You have never once explained why anyone is wrong. Not that any of us, believe you actually know.

You just haven't been paying attention. I explained why it is foolish to cover resting meat with foil. Do I really need to explain in more detail? Would you rest a steak by turning a 400 degree oven off and tossing the steak inside? The rest of the arguments leave little to correct, save the childish personal attacks on me ranging from "I've never worked in a restaurant" to "you'll be in rehab for cocaine in ten years".

Protip: If you came in sounding like a person who knows what they are talking about, rather than a sophomore pedant, it'd be muh more likely that we'd buy your bullshit.  "Hey, I disagree with you about this and here's why"  sounds a lot better than " They are wrong, and you are ignorant and a fool."

What would you call someone who makes a factually, literally wrong claim about a proven cooking technique they clearly don't understand and then claim they would punch somebody in the face over it? I guess your "protips" only apply when it isn't one of your forum buddies.

I'm still missing the part where anybody was arguing in favor of covering meat with foil while it rests.

That reading comprehension is really holding you back. Is that why you chose culinary school, because you could muddle through by looking at the pictures?

I'm assuming they often recommend covering the steak with aluminium-foil during this period not only to keep it hot, but also because the re-absorbing process probably takes some time.

Sigh.

The one and only instance, which was phrased in a manner to garner more information on the subject.

And the information was given, what is your point?

probably that, contrary to what you keep blathering on about, nobody here was arguing in favor of it.

You explained that earlier but I guess if you keep focusing on a non issue you can distract everybody from your bullshit. I never attacked triple zero, I corrected him/her/they. I attacked your ignorant comments on sous-vide cooking. You then asked me "I'm sorry, which restaurants have YOU been the head chef at? Chez HotPocket, of course, doesn't count." and then lectured me on carry over cooking, a topic we had already covered. With all your ducking and dodging you should have been a pro boxer.

[DECI4]

My only argument is that sous vide is an unacceptable way to cook meat for human consumption.

Not my problem if you like to eat crappy meat.

In what way is it unacceptable? What makes it crappy? You've stopped talking about me, great start! Lets focus now and maybe we can all learn something here.

[East Coast Hustle]

What have I ducked or dodged, exactly?

I've even addressed your butthurt screeching about sous vide. To clarify: I think it is disgusting (when done to meat, it's fine for delicate fruits), yields a mushy texture, is needlessly complicated, takes WAY too fucking long, and reeks of the kind of idiotic culinary pretension that I've gone to great lengths to distance myself from. As this is a matter of opinion, I can't be WRONG and you can't be RIGHT so I'm really not sure what point you think you're trying to make. Your poor reading comprehension seems to be spilling over into a sub-par ability to clearly express your thoughts.

[East Coast Hustle]

Oh, and it's also my opinion that a well-placed punch to the throat is a perfectly acceptable way of getting some starry-eyed culinary school tard to shut the hell up about it when I'm trying to enjoy my after-work beer.

(though Phox wasn't wrong - just because I mean it doesn't mean it's not also our particular brand of humor)

[DECI4]

What have I ducked or dodged, exactly?

I've even addressed your butthurt screeching about sous vide. To clarify: I think it is disgusting (when done to meat, it's fine for delicate fruits), yields a mushy texture, is needlessly complicated, takes WAY too fucking long, and reeks of the kind of idiotic culinary pretension that I've gone to great lengths to distance myself from. As this is a matter of opinion, I can't be WRONG and you can't be RIGHT so I'm really not sure what point you think you're trying to make. Your poor reading comprehension seems to be spilling over into a sub-par ability to clearly express your thoughts.

This is the first time you've given any clarity to your opinion on sous-vide. I'm sorry I had to beat it out of you and I hope you can see the irony in your criticism of my being able to clearly express my thoughts. Now lets discuss the finer points.

Mushy texture: Cooked too long. While you can hold meat under vacuum at a constant temperature for a long period of time it can still overcook. While food cooked at precise temperatures are more forgiving organization is still key. Every place I've worked Sous-vide is only one step. The meats are still usually quickly seared or grilled to get the correct finished flavor and texture.

Needlessly complicated: How so? If anything it simplifies cooking. It is more difficult to control flame than set a water bath to a predetermined temperature. Sous vide also lets you cook the protein perfectly all the way through instead of the concentric rings of doneness you get from a well done exterior to a perfectly rare interior.

Takes too much time: Nonsense. How long do you think it takes to grill a double cut pork chop for a customer that wants it medium well? If you have your chops cooked and holding at medium rare than you can bring them up to temp in a few minutes instead of twenty. Thus service becomes faster and more efficient.

Pretentious: Code for "I don't understand it and am threatened by it." It is a tool and a technique. It takes a person to make it pretentious and when I hear about some chef advertising sous-vide fleur de sel I will agree with you. I'd be interested to hear some examples you have of how pretentious it is.

[East Coast Hustle]

Well for one every person I know who is in favor of it is someone like you.

BTW those concentric rings of doneness (which for any worthwhile cook will be very narrow rings and only around the very edge of the meat's surface) are not going to be any different if you sear the meat after cooking it sous vide.

Cute that you offer your customers the option of a temp on a pork chop, though. That's a new one on me.

[East Coast Hustle]

And who the hell would feel threatened by the idea of cooking meat in a vacuum-sealed bag in a warm-water bath? That makes less sense that most of your drivel so far.

[DECI4]

Well for one every person I know who is in favor of it is someone like you.

Man you must be obsessed with me. Just can't stop talking about me.

BTW those concentric rings of doneness (which for any worthwhile cook will be very narrow rings and only around the very edge of the meat's surface) are not going to be any different if you sear the meat after cooking it sous vide.

Not everyone  eats meat rare or medium rare.

Cute that you offer your customers the option of a temp on a pork chop, though. That's a new one on me.

Not everyone eats pork well done. We aren't talking about retirement homes.