The Golden Appleocalypse

[AFK]

         IMPENDING DOOM HAS ARRIVED

       And Five Days Prior to This Occasion The Apostle The Elder Malaclypse Shall Walk the Streets of Whittier Bearing a Sign for All Literates to Read thereof: "DOOM", as a Warning of Forthcoming Doom to All Men Impending. And He Shall Signal This Event by Seeking the Poor and Distributing to Them Precious MAO BUTTONS and Whittier Shall be Known as The Region of Thud for These Five Days.      -Principia Discordia, p53

It's 2012. So obviously the world is really ending* this year. There are a few great end-game scenarios. Maybe this will be the "end of the mayan 4th world" and the 5th world will begin and Quetzalcoatl will be elected president. Maybe the technological singularity will happen and our world will be replaced by some kind of digital dystopia. Things become obsolete faster than they can be manufactured. Machines learn to learn and they stumble forward without us like toddlers taking their first shaky steps. Maybe the American Election will tip the global scales of power and snakes and blood and fire will spill out of it. Maybe Terrence McKenna is right, and by Dec 21 2012, we will have gone through every possible combination of ideas and cultural movements, we'll run out of "novelty", and in order to deal with it, humanity will become something new. Maybe there'll be a neuroscience breakthrough and we'll become part machine, part of the internet, leaving or old human shells behind like obselete 5.25 inch disk drives. Maybe aliens or Cthulhu or Niburu or Bachmania or something. Maybe the worldwide protest movements will succeed, the world order will crumble, and be replaced by a new one. Maybe the Internet's tangled distributed nervous system will become self aware and a new organism will be born, a collective consciousness with its own free will which is both made by us and independent of us. Maybe Iran's nuclear weapons program will succeed and there'll be an international spark which causes a full-scale nuclear war, wiping all of us from the face of the earth. There are a million ways that 2013 could look completely alien to us here in January of 2012.

We Discordians are not required to believe the "correct" things, in fact, life's a lot more fun with a few creative delusions. I love to get wrapped up in Apocalypse Hysteria. Before the Y2K thing happened, I was out there with a giant sign warning people about THE END. During the Rapture I screamed myself hoarse. And I'm planning on getting all bent out of shape about 2012. If you've never gone completely batshit about the end of the world before, you should try it out. You get a chance every few years, but I think this one is special. Discordians have their own Eschatology. According to our mythology (which we are forbidden to believe), before the world ends, Malaclypse the Elder will return and pass out Mao buttons to poor people in California1. In the Illuminatus! Trilogy, Malaclypse's last words to humanity go something like "When our day comes, the sun will rise in the west!" Then he walked into the Pacific Ocean and was never seen again. Our calendar ends with The Aftermath [of Bureaucracy] fading back into Primal Chaos, the unformed and undefined state of things-to-come. The interesting part (to me at least) is not the return to Chaos, but the transformation of Bureaucracy into Aftermath. (this transformation is the essence of Discordian Alchemy). Those worldwide protest movements are working on it. This is the new age of Discordian mythology. When the Planet Eris was discovered, it marked the beginning of the New Discordian Era. We're a non-prophet organization so we didn't see that coming. But it was probably an omen of some kind. But we don't quite have enough information to get really tweaked out about it. If I'm going to work myself up into a good froth by this December, we're going to need some more predictions about the End Times.

Eris has spoken to me. I can tell it's really her. She says that many of you have a vision of the apocalypse. And what's really going to happen* is probably a goulash of your weirdest and truest ideas.

So here's my question for you, Discordians: What's going to happen? How is this world going to end? How will we be sure it's coming? How will we get worked up into a good froth about the Apocalypse? What are we going to be freaking out about over the next year?

PROPHECIZE, SPAGS
When somebody asks me why I'm going so crazy about December 2012, I want to look them right in the eyes and say......

THE END TIMES ARE HERE.
NOBODY EXPECTS THE TRUTH---
---IT'S EVEN WEIRDER







_{*for real this time}

The world is going to end in a brilliant, flashy,chaotic......meh.

[fendisalso]

Hirley- what is the significance of 6 kan? You keep writing it. What would that mean twiddish?

6 kan

Personally, my money is on an intentional viral release, via a disgruntled employee of Plum Island.