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LMNO, I need YOUR help.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, January 13, 2012, 07:42:11 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

January 13, 2012, 07:42:11 PM
Please "craft", at your convenience, a full page memo full of corporatese that says precisely NOTHING, except perhaps "I wrote a memo".

This should be as indecipherable to actual humans as possible. 

I have a legitimate need for this.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#1
January 13, 2012, 07:43:06 PM
I'm on it.

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
January 13, 2012, 07:43:28 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 13, 2012, 07:43:06 PM
I'm on it.

Thanks.  I'll take care of the letterhead.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#3
January 13, 2012, 08:12:13 PM
Ouch.

___________________________


Gentlemen:

Pursuant to the relevant take aways from the whiteboarded "parking lot" as presented during our most recent Three-Sixty review, consider this the first of myriad action items going forward in order to ramp up our mission-critical solution.

By implementing a "Get to Yes" approach coupled with the "We Wins" strategies, it becomes apparent that to innovate a solve, we must circle back to touch base with Core Values; our Value Proposition must strive for real-time bundling aimed at a long-tail approach.

Disintermediation can be tech-session proof if we refuse bowing to benchmarking and semantic mapping of negative business objectives that make greenlining less impactful.  In fact, brandstorming online models of workflow will undoubtedly give us first-mover advantage of the glocalization of low-hanging fruit.

It must be pointed out that consumer initiated click triggers offer exclusivity and enhance relationship marketing through best in class search maturation according to the trended analysis of value pushing bounce rates.  Incremental improvement of austerity will double down on demand creation as soon as the digital natives lead the re-engineered query optimization downstream.

The inherent value of open door aspects relating to information flow in non-linear narratives as stated above cannot be stressed enough. I trust that in the next fiscal quarter we can regroup to further analyze our share of voice as it relates to goal setting.

Thanks,

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
January 13, 2012, 08:13:48 PM
How the fuck do you get to sleep at night?   :lulz:

Thanks.  Putting to nefarious use now.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#5
January 13, 2012, 08:15:15 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 08:13:48 PM
How the fuck do you get to sleep at night?   :lulz:


Scotch.

Dysfunctional Cunt

#6
January 13, 2012, 08:20:19 PM
jesus I was nowhere near that....    :lulz:


:mittens:


LMNO you are a master of the game!!!

LMNO

#7
January 13, 2012, 08:27:23 PM
You know what sucks?  I had to consciously stop myself from actually having it make sense. 

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
January 13, 2012, 08:32:02 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 13, 2012, 08:27:23 PM
You know what sucks?  I had to consciously stop myself from actually having it make sense.

I hadn't considered the risk that you'd get stuck that way.

But never fear, that risk shall not be in vain, as I have just used Mike's email account to send that to everyone in the division.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#9
January 13, 2012, 08:33:44 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 08:32:02 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 13, 2012, 08:27:23 PM
You know what sucks?  I had to consciously stop myself from actually having it make sense.

I hadn't considered the risk that you'd get stuck that way.

But never fear, that risk shall not be in vain, as I have just used Mike's email account to send that to everyone in the division.

:trolling:


:peedee:

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
January 13, 2012, 08:34:34 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 13, 2012, 08:33:44 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 08:32:02 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 13, 2012, 08:27:23 PM
You know what sucks?  I had to consciously stop myself from actually having it make sense.

I hadn't considered the risk that you'd get stuck that way.

But never fear, that risk shall not be in vain, as I have just used Mike's email account to send that to everyone in the division.

:trolling:


:peedee:

I had no choice.  He's written his password on the cardboard backing of his desk blotter.  Again.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Don Coyote

#11
January 13, 2012, 08:37:04 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 08:34:34 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 13, 2012, 08:33:44 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 08:32:02 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 13, 2012, 08:27:23 PM
You know what sucks?  I had to consciously stop myself from actually having it make sense.

I hadn't considered the risk that you'd get stuck that way.

But never fear, that risk shall not be in vain, as I have just used Mike's email account to send that to everyone in the division.

:trolling:


:peedee:

I had no choice.  He's written his password on the cardboard backing of his desk blotter.  Again.

:lulz:

Damn, I just realized all the lulz I missed out. I had an OIC who did worse. His passwords were written on the whiteboard in his cubicle. :argh!:

The Good Reverend Roger

#12
January 13, 2012, 08:38:48 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 13, 2012, 08:37:04 PM
Damn, I just realized all the lulz I missed out. I had an OIC who did worse. His passwords were written on the whiteboard in his cubicle. :argh!:

When Mike did this last time, I sent emails to the CEO.

QuoteDear ****,

I yearn for you tragically.

Love,
Mike

Pretty sure it was Mike.  Might have been Tom.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Luna

#14
January 13, 2012, 09:22:28 PM
Shit, I think I lost a sanity point trying to decipher that.
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