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I feel sick

Started by Scribbly, January 31, 2012, 11:26:13 AM

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Scribbly

Right down in my guts. The problem is, I don't have time to vomit.

When I took this job it was because my employer believed my stringent accuracy would be an asset. Our job is to provide information; the veracity of that information should not be called into question. Our aim was to provide a true picture of areas in the UK (and later, the rest of Europe) so that investors could look at that picture and come to an informed decision about where they should consider going. When I started this job, we compared ourselves to 'a more reliable and focused Wikipedia'.

It is interesting to see how that project has changed over time.

Money is, of course, the ultimate decider. My employer has made it perfectly clear that we are bleeding money at a fantastic rate. Our primary concern, therefore, is to keep our paying customers happy. That means that those areas which give us the cash for more space on the site don't just get more wordcount to describe their area, they get whatever they want.

We no longer describe ourselves as Wikipedia. Now our promotional literature references Amazon.

Impartiality doesn't pay the bills, and the truth (even on such a small scale) isn't good enough. We have to exaggerate and take wildly misrepresented figures. We use superfluous adjectives. We upsell.

I took this job largely because I wanted to avoid a retail or sales position. I took it because I didn't want to have to lie to people in order to get money. Naive, really.

We're even now talking about distorting our maps, to resize those areas with a large amount of paying clients. Literally warping the world in order to make our clients seem bigger, more important.

But I don't have time to vomit. If I spew, I'm not babbling platitudes and promises to our clients. We need the money, you see, because if they stop feeding us those bills, we're not going to have a business any more. I'm pretty sure this is better than nothing. It might not be what I signed up for, but at least it is keeping me busy, right?
I had an existential crisis and all I got was this stupid gender.

LMNO

INB4 "Map is not the Territory" joke.

Scribbly

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 31, 2012, 01:09:03 PM
INB4 "Map is not the Territory" joke.

:argh!:

I guess it just offends my delicate sensibilities that I thought I was being paid to be as accurate a mapmaker as possible, but actually I'm getting paid to draw the maps most pleasing to the people with cash.

That and I really do feel nauseous today. Maybe I should try and vomit on my boss, might help me feel better.
I had an existential crisis and all I got was this stupid gender.

Telarus

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 31, 2012, 01:09:03 PM
INB4 "Map is not the Territory" joke.

LMNO has a good point. One of the first recognizable "art techniques" was drawing the ruling(powerful) figures as some huge dude towering over the battle, precisely to scream "this is the important shit right here".

I hear you on the cognitive dissonance tho.
Telarus, KSC,
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Join the Doll Underground! Experience the Phantasmagorical Safari!

The Good Reverend Roger

Steal an extra wastebasket, and sit it on your lap.

Then, when you have to compromise your principles, you can just puke in the bucket and dump it at lunch time.  See?  Removeable morals.

How many other Holy Men™ can offer THAT?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Demolition_Squid on January 31, 2012, 01:11:30 PM
I guess it just offends my delicate sensibilities that I thought I was being paid to be as accurate a mapmaker as possible, but actually I'm getting paid to draw the maps most pleasing to the people with cash.

I fail to see the inherent contradictions.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Luna

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 31, 2012, 01:12:40 PM
Steal an extra wastebasket, and sit it on your lap.

Then, when you have to compromise your principles, you can just puke in the bucket and dump it at lunch time.  See?  Removeable morals.

How many other Holy Men™ can offer THAT?

This makes sense.  This disturbs me.
:horrormirth:
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

You are paid to deliver what suckers want the market will bear.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Scribbly

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 31, 2012, 01:12:40 PM
Steal an extra wastebasket, and sit it on your lap.

Then, when you have to compromise your principles, you can just puke in the bucket and dump it at lunch time.  See?  Removeable morals.

How many other Holy Men™ can offer THAT?

Brilliant!  :lulz:

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 31, 2012, 01:13:18 PM
Quote from: Demolition_Squid on January 31, 2012, 01:11:30 PM
I guess it just offends my delicate sensibilities that I thought I was being paid to be as accurate a mapmaker as possible, but actually I'm getting paid to draw the maps most pleasing to the people with cash.

I fail to see the inherent contradictions.

As an example we're not actually following through on, as the company has mysteriously does not have the funds to take out the entry after all:

Egypt may not be as stable as their investment agency would like you to believe.
I had an existential crisis and all I got was this stupid gender.

LMNO

Reframe the job -- See exactly how much you can exaggerate the maps before someone takes issue.

And, if you want to try an rationalize, you're still drawing an accurate map, it's just that the things you're mapping aren't what they used to be: you're now mapping influence and capital as it relates to the company you work for.  It's like a funding budget as seen through geography.

Scribbly

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 31, 2012, 01:24:15 PM
Reframe the job -- See exactly how much you can exaggerate the maps before someone takes issue.

And, if you want to try an rationalize, you're still drawing an accurate map, it's just that the things you're mapping aren't what they used to be: you're now mapping influence and capital as it relates to the company you work for.  It's like a funding budget as seen through geography.

That's a good idea. So far I've been amusing myself by sneaking puns in where possible and seeing if my editor catches them pre-posting.
I had an existential crisis and all I got was this stupid gender.

Q. G. Pennyworth

Sneak some dicks into the fjords.

Scribbly

In order to cut costs I have been informed that we are no longer going to be proof reading and editing each other's work.

:magick:
I had an existential crisis and all I got was this stupid gender.