Author Topic: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus  (Read 3439 times)

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Best thing I've read all weekend.  :lulz:

http://www.loweringthebar.net/2012/02/bottle-rocket.html

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    8.    [Defendant] was highly intoxicated on this date and time, and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus on the [Alpha Tau Omega fraternity] deck, located on the back of the ATO house.

    10.   [Defendant] placed a bottle rocket in his anus [and] ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in Defendant's rectum, and this startled plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent to the deck.

    13.    Per the applicable codes ... the deck in question should have had a railing, which comported with said codes.

    16.    ATO owed plaintiff a duty to provide a safe deck, including a railing, and ... a duty to supervise its guests and its own fraternity members, such as Defendant, and other under age persons, from consuming alcohol on its premises, which leads to stupid and dangerous activities, such as shooting bottle rockets out of one's own anus.

    18.   [Defendant] also owed plaintiff ... a duty of care not to drink under age, or to file bottle rockets out of his anus.

    19.   [Defendant] breached this duty when he both drank under age ... and attempted to fire a bottle rocket out of his anus while under the influence. The act of firing a bottle rocket, within Huntington City Limits, was also a crime.

    22.   Plaintiff asserts that the activity of underaged drinking and firing bottle rockets out of one's own anus constitutes an "ultra-hazardous" activity which exposes both of these defendant to strict liability.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Cainad (dec.)

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2012, 04:21:44 pm »
 :lulz: :horrormirth: :lulz:

what... how...


Someone went and broke reality.

Richter

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2012, 04:24:04 pm »
Good example of shutting up an taking responsibility for your own actions.  Ask the wheels of jsutice to turn, and they will likely drag you in too.
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

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Cainad (dec.)

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2012, 04:25:27 pm »

(From the same blog) At least the TSA is on board with acknowledging diabetics as terrorists: http://www.loweringthebar.net/2012/02/tsa-insulin-pump-gun.html :lol:

Nephew Twiddleton

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2012, 05:16:44 pm »
So, uh....


What is the current state of said anus? Somehow "startled" does not seem like an appropriate response to "blew up in the Defendant's rectum."
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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2012, 06:22:20 pm »
So, uh....


What is the current state of said anus? Somehow "startled" does not seem like an appropriate response to "blew up in the Defendant's rectum."

Yeah, that seemed like kind of an understatement. However, I was pretty amused by the "became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit" part.  :lulz:
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2012, 06:22:57 pm »
(presumably while bleeding out of aforementioned anus)
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Nephew Twiddleton

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2012, 06:23:58 pm »
 :lulz:
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Don Coyote

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #8 on: February 06, 2012, 01:46:37 am »
This might be going through the wall instead of just taking it there.

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #9 on: February 06, 2012, 03:59:21 pm »
The rocket portion was not inside his ass when it was activated, and the resulting blast of a backfiring bottlerocket is relatively harmless at the distance it would have been.

Source:  I have been exposed to and survived a lot of stupidity.

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #10 on: February 06, 2012, 04:26:54 pm »
Sounds a lot like whoever wrote that down really wanted to underline how retarded it is to fire a rocket from your anus and humiliate whoever did it. Which I can completely understand btw.
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Jasper

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #11 on: February 06, 2012, 04:33:14 pm »
There are a lot of missing entries in that list, Trip.  I suspect that they all say "THE RETARD TRIED TO BLOW UP HIS OWN ASSHOLE".

Luna

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #12 on: February 06, 2012, 04:47:18 pm »
Strangely enough, this is not the dumbest "someone else should have prevented me from being stupid" case I have heard.  It is, however, the funniest.   :lol:

ETA:  further anal-ysis of the case is up:

 http://www.loweringthebar.net/2012/02/further-analysis-bottle-rocket.html
« Last Edit: February 06, 2012, 04:52:34 pm by Luna »
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trippinprincezz13

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #13 on: February 06, 2012, 05:11:53 pm »
My question is, why would you be at a frat party and NOT expect fireworks to come flying out of someone's orifice?
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Wolfgang Absolutus

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Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
« Reply #14 on: February 06, 2012, 11:01:24 pm »
Everything about this is silly.
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