Author Topic: Not the help he wanted...  (Read 4082 times)

Faust

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Re: Not the help he wanted...
« Reply #15 on: February 08, 2012, 10:37:13 am »
Is this a result of living in a country that has random shootings every other day, or is it the cause?
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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Not the help he wanted...
« Reply #16 on: February 08, 2012, 04:07:17 pm »
Is this a result of living in a country that has random shootings every other day, or is it the cause?

Neither. Correlation does not equal causation.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Faust

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Re: Not the help he wanted...
« Reply #17 on: February 08, 2012, 05:09:52 pm »
Is this a result of living in a country that has random shootings every other day, or is it the cause?

Neither. Correlation does not equal causation.
It was a facetious jab and rhetorical, not a real question.
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Roly Poly Oly-Garch

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Re: Not the help he wanted...
« Reply #18 on: March 01, 2012, 11:11:11 am »
Making that sound good would require enough spin to choke a Quantum Mechanics professor.

The below is a thought exercise and does not in any way reflect the real opinions of Demolition Squid

Local Veteran Recovering After Suicide Threat
Michael Corrigan (age), veteran of (conflicts), has returned home following a recent suicide scare.

Faced with the growing rate of veteran suicides local police issued a robust response to the case of local man Matthew Corrigan. Although there was some damage to Corrigan’s residence, police are happy to report that Mr. Corrigan himself is alive and well.

Local officers were alerted to Mr. Corrigan after he placed a call to the National Suicide Hotline. He complained of severe depression, shared that he had not slept for several days, and that he had several firearms. Mr. Corrigan hung up the phone shortly after revealing this fact, and took prescribed medication in order to try and sleep.

Local Heroes Save Veteran

Concerned for Mr. Corrigan’s safety, local law enforcement were informed of his condition and rushed to the scene. In total it is estimated that 28 officers were mobilized in order to ascertain Mr. Corrigan’s condition and ensure his safety and the safety of those around him.

Upon arrival, officers called for Mr. Corrigan to come out and greet them, and use floodlights in order to alert him to their presence and ensure full visibility in case of a ‘suicide by cop’ scenario. Veterans now account for one in five of all suicides across the nation, and ‘suicide by cop’ is responsible for one third of all North American police shootings..

After a tense 50 minute standoff, Mr. Corrigan finally produced himself, unarmed, and was met by the local police. He was belligerent, claiming ‘There is no way I am giving you consent to enter my place.’ To which Officer Doe responded, ‘I don’t have time for this constitutional bullshit!’

Constitutional Bullshit

As Mr. Corrigan would not give the officers the keys to his apartment in order to ensure that there was nobody at further risk, and he was known to be not in his right mind, officers broke down the door and proceeded to complete a thorough sweep of the apartment. They checked for drugs, explosives, and illegal firearms. In total they seized three firearms and numerous rounds of ammunition. Some of the firearms were properly stored, but one was located in a zip-lock bag underneath piles of clothes.

Mr. Corrigan’s pet dog was taken to an animal shelter, whilst Mr. Corrigan himself was transferred to a VA hospital to recuperate from his PTSD. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is common amongst army veterans, and Mr. Corrigan was not released until he was determined to no longer be a risk to himself or others.

Mr. Corrigan returned home sixteen days after the start of the ordeal, and is said to be recuperating properly. Local officers were not available for comment on this case. Mr. Corrigan himself, however, did have some criticism of the damage to his apartment that was necessary during his apprehension.

“(My) Eyeglasses were broken and thrown in a corner.”

Oh my god, you are an evil man. Next time I'm bickering with a girlfriend or the like, I'm gonna record it, send it to you, and have you write up the official report.
Back to the fecal matter in the pool

navkat

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Re: Not the help he wanted...
« Reply #19 on: March 02, 2012, 10:39:02 am »
Moral of the story: shut the fuck up, take your fucking pills and go the fuck to bed.