Author Topic: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V  (Read 980 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« on: February 07, 2012, 05:42:38 pm »
I was jamming up the ramp to I-10 this morning, when Jesus did that appearing thing again.  A lesser man would have wrecked the car, but I have a history of having weird hallucinations while I drive.  And some non-hallucinations that are just as weird…Such as having a ping pong table come flying off the overpass at me.  So I wasn’t shocked, but I was kind of annoyed.

“Jesus Christ, can you maybe give a guy a warning before you do that?”

“Sorry.  Here, have a snort.”  He offered me a bottle of something that smelled like paint thinner.

“While I’m DRIVING?  What shall I tell the police?  ‘It’s okay, Jesus gave it to me.’?”

“Fine.  More for me.  Anyway, now I have some questions for YOU.”

“Um…Can’t you read my mind or some shit?”

“Nope.  It’s that ‘free will’ thing again.  We can’t – won’t - really know when there’s sin in your heart.  Hell, we’d never get anything else done!”

He took a big slug of whatever it was, and then mooched a smoke off of me.  He lit up, then aimed a bleary eye at me. “So, what do you think of the place?  I don’t mean ‘what do you think of the stupid things people do’, I mean the place itself.

“Well, on the whole, it’s pretty fucking nice, Jesus.  The oceans are particularly good, and I have a hell of a view up here in the so-called mountains.”

“So-called?”

“Well, yeah.  I’m driving on a road, right?  And that road is on a substrate.  After that, there’s 11,000 feet of dust and coyote poop until I get to actual bedrock.  This isn’t a mountain, it’s a compost heap.”

“Does that change the view?”

“Well, no…”

“Then quit your bitching.  We did the best we could.  Anyway, free will…Was that a mistake?”

“I don’t think so.  Everything’s all fucked up, but I’d hate to live in a universe was great, and I enjoyed it because I had no choice but to enjoy it.  Also, being the same as a computer doesn’t appeal to me.”

“Yes, but if everything WASN’T fucked up, the fact that you liked it because you had to wouldn’t matter, would it?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.  I just like to make my own decisions.”

“AHA!  GOTCHA!”

“What?”

“Well, you can never again complain, can you?  You aren’t the only one that I’ve asked that question, and damn near everyone answers the same way.  You complain that everything is all fucked up, but you’d fucking HATE IT if Dad & I stepped in and fixed shit.  So there you have it, the answer to the age old question, ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’, or ‘How can a loving God stand back and let horrible things happen to little kids, etc.’  The answer is that we CAN’T, because if we DID, you’d NEVER stop bitching.  You’d stop caring about anything, because we swiped that little bit of glory that could have been yours, by fixing the problem.”

“So that’s where you’ve been for the last 2000 years?”

“Nope.  We allowed free will before that.  For the last few decades, I’ve been in Portland.  Suicide capitol of America, doncha know.  Before that, I was in bus stops, talking to crazy veterans that everyone forgot about in the 70s.  Before THAT, I was really busy in Indochina.  Before that, a couple of world wars…And so on.  You guys really keep me hopping, you know.  I tried to tell you, back in the day, that it MIGHT be a good idea if you guys stopped chopping each other to bits.”

“Yeah, and the first thing we did was start doing the same thing in your name.”

“Yeah, saw that one coming, but what can you do?  Oh, you missed your exit.  I guess this one IS my fault”, he giggled, taking another pull off the bottle.

I swore at him, but he was already gone.

To be continued 
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Re: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2012, 05:51:43 pm »
You know, when you put it like that, I bet JC and his pops get really, incredibly depressed sometimes.  I guess that's why He's always drinking.

Luna

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Re: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2012, 05:52:32 pm »
I do love this series.

"Does that change the view?

Well, no...

Then quit your bitching."

(Can't quote properly on the phone, using a keyboard not much bigger than the NYEX's junk.)

Minor aside in there, but, I liked it a lot...  Yeah, something isn't exactly the way you think it should be, but that doesn't make what it IS any less awesome...
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I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2012, 06:10:14 pm »
You know, when you put it like that, I bet JC and his pops get really, incredibly depressed sometimes.

Maybe.  I mean, they probably have a bunch of angels that just explain everything to each person after they die.

"I told Jesus to take the wheel!", one says.

"Jesus isn't licensed to drive in your state.", the angel replies.

"Is that all I get?", asks the 6 month old from the ER the other night.

"I'm afraid so.  But there's other things to do.", says the angel.

The only flaw in the system is that there was never an owner's manual handed out to primates.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Luna

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Re: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2012, 07:35:21 pm »
"Is that all I get?"

Reminds me of a scene in Sandman.

Death's response, that one panel, solidified a lot of things for me.

"You get what everyone gets.  You get a lifetime."

I'm tired of wasting the one I have on could have beens, should have beens, wish I hadn'ts, and how stupid was Is.  Time to quit moping about wish I'ds and why didn't he's.

I still have some lifetime left.
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"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

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Re: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2012, 08:39:18 pm »
Hmm. This one is making revisit a thought I had had a few months ago. Jesus the Cynic. In the philosophical sense. I've heard the argument before, but I wasn't sure about it, but I had thought if you put that sort of spin on some of the parables then it might.... turn out something like this. I wish I had some time to work more on that thought. Maybe a project for this weekend.

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Re: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2012, 08:40:02 pm »
Maybe a project for this weekend.

TRANSLATION:  Not in this lifetime.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Phox

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Re: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2012, 08:44:26 pm »
Maybe a project for this weekend.

TRANSLATION:  Not in this lifetime.
Sadly, probably the case, seeing as I have enough problems with motivating myself for doing the academic research that is required of me at the moment, much less putting time and effort into an outside project. But on the other hand.... why can't I make it both?

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2012, 08:46:22 pm »
Maybe a project for this weekend.

TRANSLATION:  Not in this lifetime.
Sadly, probably the case, seeing as I have enough problems with motivating myself for doing the academic research that is required of me at the moment, much less putting time and effort into an outside project. But on the other hand.... why can't I make it both?

"I'll answer this when I have time/can think of how to respond" is the new mittens.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Phox

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Re: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2012, 08:59:16 pm »
Maybe a project for this weekend.

TRANSLATION:  Not in this lifetime.
Sadly, probably the case, seeing as I have enough problems with motivating myself for doing the academic research that is required of me at the moment, much less putting time and effort into an outside project. But on the other hand.... why can't I make it both?

"I'll answer this when I have time/can think of how to respond" is the new mittens.
Yeah, I've noticed that, too. Fuck it, here's something to start on.

You're Jesus in this series strikes me as needing to take a few pages out of Diogenes the Cynic's book. Telling them what they are doing wrong didn't work, and he clearly can't make them change. But nobody's stopping him from rubbing up against the cold bronze statues in the winter, throwing away his cup, and telling people to stop blocking his damn sun. And isn't that what Jesus was saying to begin with? The mustard seed is all about how simplicity is the key, isn't it? God gave you a perfectly good hand, Diogenes, so why in the name of fuck are you carrying around that cup on your belt? See, even the little kid gets it! And hey, maybe you can't rub your belly and get rid of hunger, but showing people how much time they waste in pursuit of sex is pretty damn important, isn't it? What would Jesus say about that? Or more importantly, what would Roger's Jesus say?

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2012, 09:05:39 pm »
Maybe a project for this weekend.

TRANSLATION:  Not in this lifetime.
Sadly, probably the case, seeing as I have enough problems with motivating myself for doing the academic research that is required of me at the moment, much less putting time and effort into an outside project. But on the other hand.... why can't I make it both?

"I'll answer this when I have time/can think of how to respond" is the new mittens.
Yeah, I've noticed that, too. Fuck it, here's something to start on.

You're Jesus in this series strikes me as needing to take a few pages out of Diogenes the Cynic's book. Telling them what they are doing wrong didn't work, and he clearly can't make them change. But nobody's stopping him from rubbing up against the cold bronze statues in the winter, throwing away his cup, and telling people to stop blocking his damn sun. And isn't that what Jesus was saying to begin with? The mustard seed is all about how simplicity is the key, isn't it? God gave you a perfectly good hand, Diogenes, so why in the name of fuck are you carrying around that cup on your belt? See, even the little kid gets it! And hey, maybe you can't rub your belly and get rid of hunger, but showing people how much time they waste in pursuit of sex is pretty damn important, isn't it? What would Jesus say about that? Or more importantly, what would Roger's Jesus say?

Roger's Jesus would tell me to get my monkey on, as long as nobody gets physically or emotionally hurt by it.  Mental damage doesn't count.  If it did, I'd NEVER get laid.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2012, 09:23:37 pm »
Maybe a project for this weekend.

TRANSLATION:  Not in this lifetime.
Sadly, probably the case, seeing as I have enough problems with motivating myself for doing the academic research that is required of me at the moment, much less putting time and effort into an outside project. But on the other hand.... why can't I make it both?

"I'll answer this when I have time/can think of how to respond" is the new mittens.
Yeah, I've noticed that, too. Fuck it, here's something to start on.

You're Jesus in this series strikes me as needing to take a few pages out of Diogenes the Cynic's book. Telling them what they are doing wrong didn't work, and he clearly can't make them change. But nobody's stopping him from rubbing up against the cold bronze statues in the winter, throwing away his cup, and telling people to stop blocking his damn sun. And isn't that what Jesus was saying to begin with? The mustard seed is all about how simplicity is the key, isn't it? God gave you a perfectly good hand, Diogenes, so why in the name of fuck are you carrying around that cup on your belt? See, even the little kid gets it! And hey, maybe you can't rub your belly and get rid of hunger, but showing people how much time they waste in pursuit of sex is pretty damn important, isn't it? What would Jesus say about that? Or more importantly, what would Roger's Jesus say?

Roger's Jesus would tell me to get my monkey on, as long as nobody gets physically or emotionally hurt by it.  Mental damage doesn't count.  If it did, I'd NEVER get laid.
Getting your monkey on is great, but you really shouldn't waste time on nothing but getting laid. Gotta take care of your needs and can't find/don't have access to a partner without less-than-reasonable effort? Rub one out and move on. Diogenes did it in the middle of the street to prove his point, but then he was all about making a good show of it.

So, Roger, get your monkey on, and enjoy the hell out of it. Just remember, that getting your monkey on shouldn't be the end-all be-all.

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Re: Drinking with Jesus, Part III of V
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2012, 12:44:02 pm »
Getting your monkey on is great, but you really shouldn't waste time on nothing but getting laid. Gotta take care of your needs and can't find/don't have access to a partner without less-than-reasonable effort? Rub one out and move on. Diogenes did it in the middle of the street to prove his point, but then he was all about making a good show of it.

So, Roger, get your monkey on, and enjoy the hell out of it. Just remember, that getting your monkey on shouldn't be the end-all be-all.

Whatever the hell you want it to be should be the "end-all be-all" If all you want to do is fuck, then fuck. Those people who tell you there's more to life? They're wrong. There is no more to life than doing what you want to do. Whatever the hell that is. The only caveat is if you believe in something. Like if you believe in right and wrong or you believe in god or you believe in honour or you believe in justice or some other belief thing. Then this might interfere with your choices but, even then, it's still your choice (even if you don't realise it cos of the belief thing)
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