My ex girlfriend is now a stripper.

[DECI4]

So I was dating this girl for over a year. We actually ended things on pretty good terms as far as break ups go, still communicate and hang out every now and again. I'd be lying if I said I don't still have feelings for her, that being said I realize we are in two very different places in our lives and am not trying to rekindle our relationship.

The other night, after not speaking for a month or two she sent me a text asking how I was doing, blah blah blah. She told me she was a waitress at a strip club. We met up later that night at my place, drank wine and I cooked a late night breakfast. I made a few comments like, "congrats on the new job at least you aren't a dancer". Nothing to blatantly rude or judgmental, but  clearly dismissive of strippers in general.

She spent the night that night, and in the morning she admitted to me that she is actually a dancer.

Honestly it was like a punch in the stomach. I've had a few friends in the past that got involved in that scene and while I realize it is somewhat presumptuous of me to paint everybody in that world with the same brush, the realist inside of me has plenty of reasons to be worried and a bit disgusted at the news.  I realize that there is a part of me that is jealous of a bunch of scumbags paying my ex that I have feelings for to strip and give private lap dances to, I also realize that there is nothing INHERENTLY wrong with stripping.

Long story short, I feel guilty about guilt tripping her about what she has chosen, I feel I don't really have any right to criticize or be so judgmental when we are not a couple anymore but I'm torn because it breaks my fucking heart to see someone so intelligent, that could do ANYTHING, including being a professional  LEGIT dancer, (she's been in everything from ballet to hip-hop to salsa since she was a young child) throw it all away ( in my perhaps misguided opinion) for money. At least she claims it is JUST for the money. She says once she makes 15 grand she is out. I don't believe it but I guess I  could be wrong.

What if she is doing it because she likes it? WHAT IF? There are so many variables going through my head and in the end I just don't know whether to be accepting and supportive or tell her I think she is being a fucking moron and throwing away her youth for the wrong reasons. Am I really doing the right thing in pretending to support someone I think is harming themselves? Or should I open up, tell her exactly what I think and risk alienating someone I still consider one of my best friends regardless of our past.

How would you all handle it? Anyone have any close friends in the industry?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

:putting on my taking you seriously hat:

It's weird, but just accept that it's her life and you really don't have a say in what she does with it. If you're her friend, then just make sure she doesn't end up in a bad place. And if she does, just accept it and move on when she doesn't take your advice to get out of it. You can't fight her battles for her anymore.

For awkward points, go in and pay her for lap dances all night.

Twid,
Has a stripper friend, ex-crush who did a sex tape that I accidentally stumbled on, and junkie cousin.

[Freeky]

:putting on my taking you seriously hat:

It's weird, but just accept that it's her life and you really don't have a say in what she does with it. If you're her friend, then just make sure she doesn't end up in a bad place. And if she does, just accept it and move on when she doesn't take your advice to get out of it. You can't fight her battles for her anymore.

For awkward points, go in and pay her for lap dances all night.

Twid,
Has a stripper friend, ex-crush who did a sex tape that I accidentally stumbled on, and junkie cousin.

I've got a stripper friend.  She doesn't do it so much anymore, because I'm not entirely sure she ever liked it.  She told me once that when she was working, she would sit down and strike up a conversation with a patron instead of asking "Do you want a dance?"  Because askinng that (she said) usualy leads to "You want a blow job?"

[DECI4]

:putting on my taking you seriously hat:

It's weird, but just accept that it's her life and you really don't have a say in what she does with it. If you're her friend, then just make sure she doesn't end up in a bad place. And if she does, just accept it and move on when she doesn't take your advice to get out of it. You can't fight her battles for her anymore.

For awkward points, go in and pay her for lap dances all night.

Twid,
Has a stripper friend, ex-crush who did a sex tape that I accidentally stumbled on, and junkie cousin.

Thanks man. I just feel like if I don't tell her what I really think about the situation than I would be indirectly responsible if she did end up in a bad place.

I don't know. I don't know that I even need or want advice, I guess this whole thing has been bugging me long enough I felt like I should attempt to get it out somewhere. That being said I welcome any other comments.

[DECI4]

For awkward points, go in and pay her for lap dances all night.

While I chuckled, that would hurt me more than it would hurt her I'm sure.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

For awkward points, go in and pay her for lap dances all night.

While I chuckled, that would hurt me more than it would hurt her I'm sure.

Shitty as it is for the both of you, maybe that will drive home the point that maybe this is something that takes a little more consideration. You may very well lose her as a friend, but it might be a light bulb moment. I dunno. I don't think strippers think to themselves "gee, I'll go and be a stripper!" There's usually some sort of financial/economic reason behind it. My dad was a teacher until he came to the US, then he was a construction worker for all my life. It was a waste, and he hated it, but it payed the bills, right?

[DECI4]

For awkward points, go in and pay her for lap dances all night.

While I chuckled, that would hurt me more than it would hurt her I'm sure.

Shitty as it is for the both of you, maybe that will drive home the point that maybe this is something that takes a little more consideration. You may very well lose her as a friend, but it might be a light bulb moment. I dunno. I don't think strippers think to themselves "gee, I'll go and be a stripper!" There's usually some sort of financial/economic reason behind it. My dad was a teacher until he came to the US, then he was a construction worker for all my life. It was a waste, and he hated it, but it payed the bills, right?

The thing is, it's not like this girl had no other options. She had a "decent" paying job, she has a degree, she is young, but she has options. Not a family to pay her way, but enough skills, education and experience to support herself. It's just out of nowhere she decides to do this and if trips me the fuck out. Makes me feel like I don't know her as well as I thought I did or she is hiding some fucked up shit from me or both.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Be a good friend and support her. If it goes well, support her. If it goes wrong, support her. I've known several strippers and some of them enjoy the job a lot.

If she is really your friend, no matter the reasons for her choice, the answer should be clear.

Dancing is an extremely demanding job. Shell appreciate someone she can rely on.

[Placid Dingo]

For awkward points, go in and pay her for lap dances all night.

While I chuckled, that would hurt me more than it would hurt her I'm sure.

Shitty as it is for the both of you, maybe that will drive home the point that maybe this is something that takes a little more consideration. You may very well lose her as a friend, but it might be a light bulb moment. I dunno. I don't think strippers think to themselves "gee, I'll go and be a stripper!" There's usually some sort of financial/economic reason behind it. My dad was a teacher until he came to the US, then he was a construction worker for all my life. It was a waste, and he hated it, but it payed the bills, right?

That said I met strippers who enjoyed the job. And the opposite is also true.

That also sounds more like a mix of 'fuck you' and blackmail. Also there's very possibly a 'no partners' rule.

[Cain]

Lies.

No-one would pay to see your jizz encrusted sock flopping around a pole at a nightclub.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Lies.

No-one would pay to see your jizz encrusted sock flopping around a pole at a nightclub.

Speak for yourself. If it's fair isle, I'll pay through the nose

[navkat]

For awkward points, go in and pay her for lap dances all night.

While I chuckled, that would hurt me more than it would hurt her I'm sure.

Shitty as it is for the both of you, maybe that will drive home the point that maybe this is something that takes a little more consideration. You may very well lose her as a friend, but it might be a light bulb moment. I dunno. I don't think strippers think to themselves "gee, I'll go and be a stripper!" There's usually some sort of financial/economic reason behind it. My dad was a teacher until he came to the US, then he was a construction worker for all my life. It was a waste, and he hated it, but it payed the bills, right?

The thing is, it's not like this girl had no other options. She had a "decent" paying job, she has a degree, she is young, but she has options. Not a family to pay her way, but enough skills, education and experience to support herself. It's just out of nowhere she decides to do this and if trips me the fuck out. Makes me feel like I don't know her as well as I thought I did or she is hiding some fucked up shit from me or both.

Why the heck does this affect your perception of her so much? I think the answer lies there.

Let me ask you a question: Were you two chaste when you were together? If not, did she enjoy the sex? If so, was she shy about being naked in front of you or asking for what she wanted? Did she ever dance semi-suggestively (fully clothed) at a club or bar for fun and catharsis? Enjoy the music and moving her body?

I don't understand why a smart girl, fully clothed, with glasses and a $12-an-hour Paralegal job, drunkenly dancing with her friends to booty-music is respectable but the moment she quits working for the shark, takes off the J. Crew Khakis and shakes her tooshie for a few hundred in a night, she's...got some "secrets" and possibly a flawed character.

Does. Not. Compute.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

In hard economic times, strip clubs still pay good money to those who can do it.

recession, yo...

[East Coast Hustle]

I know the OP is bullshit because there's no way DECI4 has ever had a girlfriend.

[kingyak]

I'm a little confused as to why you seem to think that stripping is going to result in this girl sucking cock for crack in a Waffle House bathroom somewhere. Was there some indication that the job is leading her towards trouble, or do you just have such a low opinion of her (or of strippers in general) that you assume that will be the case?

Personally, I've known several women who stripped for a few years and then moved on to completely boring, normal lives. Typically as long as "stripper" stays a job without becoming an identity, it's no different than waiting tables or bartending or any other job that's really good money when you're young but doesn't have much in the way of a career path.