Dear Mister The East Coast Hustle Manners Expert

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I know that when introduced to another gentleman, I am to shake his hand.  When introduced to a woman, I allow her the option of initiating a handshake, rather than offering one myself.

However, when introduced to a hermaphrodite who dresses in a gender-neutral fashion, which convention do I follow?  And does the fact that the hermaphrodite is a midget have any bearing on this?

I desperately need an answer before Friday night.

Yours Truly,
Commander Ringmeat

[LMNO]

I believe the proper courtesy is to get on your knees and execute a standard-variety Milli Vanilli chest bump.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I believe the proper courtesy is to get on your knees and execute a standard-variety Milli Vanilli chest bump.

After Labor Day?  Are you mad?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Its in my opinion (but i will defer to echs expertise) that one must always fist bump a midget regardless of plumbing.

[Luna]

I know that when introduced to another gentleman, I am to shake his hand.  When introduced to a woman, I allow her the option of initiating a handshake, rather than offering one myself.

However, when introduced to a hermaphrodite who dresses in a gender-neutral fashion, which convention do I follow?  And does the fact that the hermaphrodite is a midget have any bearing on this?

I desperately need an answer before Friday night.

Yours Truly,
Commander Ringmeat

Miss Manners never gets letters like these.

Or, if she does, she has already hired a hazmat team to dispose of them.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I know that when introduced to another gentleman, I am to shake his hand.  When introduced to a woman, I allow her the option of initiating a handshake, rather than offering one myself.

However, when introduced to a hermaphrodite who dresses in a gender-neutral fashion, which convention do I follow?  And does the fact that the hermaphrodite is a midget have any bearing on this?

I desperately need an answer before Friday night.

Yours Truly,
Commander Ringmeat

Miss Manners never gets letters like these.

Or, if she does, she has already hired a hazmat team to dispose of them.

Ms Manners can't handle the important shit.  That's why we have ECH.

[East Coast Hustle]

My Dearest Ringmeat,

While the antiquated custom of fist-bumping a midget (they prefer a hearty ass-slap, I'm told by reliable sources) is still technically acceptable etiquette, hermaphrodite-acceptable greeting takes precedence over midget-acceptable greeting as these sorts of things are ranked in order of which makes for the more interesting subject of pornography.

Therefore, the next time you are confronted by a hermaphrodite midget the correct way to greet it is, of course, to use the "six-pack" handshake (known in some circles as the "bowling ball" or "shocker") BUT you must make sure to get the tiny useless penis tucked UNDER your thumb as leaving it to flop over the back of your hand is considered to be the height of rudeness in the herm community.

I hope this clears up any confusion you have, and please don't hesitate to make further inquiries should the subject of the question display even more interesting potentially pornographic traits, such as webbed hands or a displaced urethra.

Yours in Perpetual Politeness,

ECH

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And THAT, ladies & gentlemen, is why we call him The Chairman of the Board.   

[Nephew Twiddleton]