I'm not even angry. shallow self-reflections.

[Wolfgang Absolutus]

"if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." Nietzsche
______________
I'm not even angry at you. I'm not angry at them. I'm not angry at myself. Maybe I ought to be. At least that's what I think to myself as I see and hear about things that happen all around the world. Others express their outrage readily while I sit calmly. Blank face and sad eyes.

I love these people like they were my brothers. But maybe that's just the hippie in me talking. The only thing I feel when I hear the news is mild disappointment. I ought to know better I guess. There is no reason to hope you will ever improve, become more peaceful. Maybe move beyond your animalistic tendencies. Here you are. Doing the same things. Arguing, Fighting, Killing, Dying. For what?

Perhaps "You" is inaccurate. I'm one of you. I'm human. I make mistakes. I hurt people. I hurt myself.

What exactly give me the authority to judge you. Nothing. My life as as meaningless and impermanent as anyone else's. There will be no songs about me, no record of my existence beyond a few loose scraps of paper and bits of code that will eventually be lost.

I wish I could be mad. I wish I knew what to to do. I don't. I'm clueless, moving arbitrarily from one moment to the next.
I wish I knew how to fix us. I would lead us to glory if I could.But, I can't even escape the prison I locked myself in.

But maybe, maybe there is nothing to fix. Maybe this is who we were meant to be. A short-lived species of monkeys. Their minds trapped in the past, looking bright eyed into the future, hoping for the present. A temporal anomaly. A little blip on the radar.

Maybe this right here, this is it. This is all we will ever be. All we could ever hope to be. It's saddening I suppose.

I'm not deep or shallow. Smart or Stupid. Man or Woman. I'm not my khakis. I'm not my ties. I'm not my button down shirts or any of the stains on them I don't know how to remove. I'm not the contents of my wallet or my social security number. I fucked what I thought I knew about chaos, about love, about life. Or at least I thought I did.

I am a person. I thought I could move beyond the others, beyond good and evil, beyond humanity. But now I'm not so sure.

I am human. My biology is incredibly similar to everyone else's. It is a biology I don't think I can transcend. Humanity is imperfect and so am I, now and forever. There is nothing ahead or behind us that can fix us. Nothing to find or gain that is not already in us.

My bright eyed optimism has abandoned me. Left me only with disappointment. But I guess I should move on. No sense crying over a little spilt blood. We make more all the time.
______________
I am free. But my chains still feel so heavy.
I can do anything. But I feel so incapable.
I look within to find the answers.
Dark, quiet, shadow.
____________
Who could I hope to be except for little ol' me.
Me is he is she is the
first and last and king and queen
Worst I've heard and Best I've seen
_________
To look anywhere is a form of self-reflection.
I find myself here,
with no misdirection.
_________
"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." Edgar Allen Poe
__________
I'm not even mad. I don't know that I ever will be. I don't know if I can muster it.
So I'll dream this dream and live this life till all that's left is sorrow and strife.
Then Ill end it with my finest gun. I'll leave a message much like this one.

[Placid Dingo]

The self reflection bit isn't bad. The poetry gets a bit over the top and defeatist.

Optimism is an attitude, not an ideology. And certainly not a plan. It is good (I personally an generally optimistic) for some things but if your aim is to make a dint on the world, you need more than optimism. You need a plan, self knowledge, passion and solid competencies.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The more you understand, the better able you are to fight.

[East Coast Hustle]

TBH, I thought most of the rant was mediocre, though certainly a decent first attempt (I fucking hate poetry, but that may just be my problem), but THIS:

My bright eyed optimism has abandoned me. Left me only with disappointment. But I guess I should move on. No sense crying over a little spilt blood. We make more all the time.

is fucking golden.

[DECI4]

Hey bro, you ever heard of The Watchmen? You should check it out man I think you would really like it.

[Faust]

Comment on his writing and not his avatar you smarmy son of a bitch.

[Wolfgang Absolutus]

Hey bro, you ever heard of The Watchmen? You should check it out man I think you would really like it.

Well check out the big brain on Brad