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For my part, I've replaced optimism and believing the best of people by default with a grin and the absolute 100% certainty that if they cannot find a pig to fuck, they will buy some bacon and play oinking noises on YouTube.

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Dear Mister The East Coast Hustle Manners Expert

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, February 15, 2012, 05:05:25 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

I know that when introduced to another gentleman, I am to shake his hand.  When introduced to a woman, I allow her the option of initiating a handshake, rather than offering one myself.

However, when introduced to a hermaphrodite who dresses in a gender-neutral fashion, which convention do I follow?  And does the fact that the hermaphrodite is a midget have any bearing on this?

I desperately need an answer before Friday night.

Yours Truly,
Commander Ringmeat
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

I believe the proper courtesy is to get on your knees and execute a standard-variety Milli Vanilli chest bump.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on February 15, 2012, 05:11:42 PM
I believe the proper courtesy is to get on your knees and execute a standard-variety Milli Vanilli chest bump.

After Labor Day?  Are you mad?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Nephew Twiddleton

Its in my opinion (but i will defer to echs expertise) that one must always fist bump a midget regardless of plumbing.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Luna

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 15, 2012, 05:05:25 PM
I know that when introduced to another gentleman, I am to shake his hand.  When introduced to a woman, I allow her the option of initiating a handshake, rather than offering one myself.

However, when introduced to a hermaphrodite who dresses in a gender-neutral fashion, which convention do I follow?  And does the fact that the hermaphrodite is a midget have any bearing on this?

I desperately need an answer before Friday night.

Yours Truly,
Commander Ringmeat

Miss Manners never gets letters like these.

Or, if she does, she has already hired a hazmat team to dispose of them.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Luna on February 15, 2012, 05:13:49 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 15, 2012, 05:05:25 PM
I know that when introduced to another gentleman, I am to shake his hand.  When introduced to a woman, I allow her the option of initiating a handshake, rather than offering one myself.

However, when introduced to a hermaphrodite who dresses in a gender-neutral fashion, which convention do I follow?  And does the fact that the hermaphrodite is a midget have any bearing on this?

I desperately need an answer before Friday night.

Yours Truly,
Commander Ringmeat

Miss Manners never gets letters like these.

Or, if she does, she has already hired a hazmat team to dispose of them.

Ms Manners can't handle the important shit.  That's why we have ECH.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

East Coast Hustle

My Dearest Ringmeat,

While the antiquated custom of fist-bumping a midget (they prefer a hearty ass-slap, I'm told by reliable sources) is still technically acceptable etiquette, hermaphrodite-acceptable greeting takes precedence over midget-acceptable greeting as these sorts of things are ranked in order of which makes for the more interesting subject of pornography.

Therefore, the next time you are confronted by a hermaphrodite midget the correct way to greet it is, of course, to use the "six-pack" handshake (known in some circles as the "bowling ball" or "shocker") BUT you must make sure to get the tiny useless penis tucked UNDER your thumb as leaving it to flop over the back of your hand is considered to be the height of rudeness in the herm community.

I hope this clears up any confusion you have, and please don't hesitate to make further inquiries should the subject of the question display even more interesting potentially pornographic traits, such as webbed hands or a displaced urethra.

Yours in Perpetual Politeness,

ECH
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

The Good Reverend Roger

And THAT, ladies & gentlemen, is why we call him The Chairman of the Board.   :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Nephew Twiddleton

Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS