How I Use Australians to Deal With Stress

[Doktor Howl]

Whenever I see a newsproduct story or a popculture item which disturbs or fascinates me and I don't want to waste hours or days of my life thinking, talking, being outraged, or debating about it with others, I just say to myself, "What if it was Australian?"  Then I simply can't take it seriously.  Teenage boys aping the attire and mannerisms of criminals?  If they were Australian, I would realize it's all pretend.  Offensive antics of the latest popstar or film performer?  If they were Australian I would realize they were entirely manufactured as a media product and have no connection at all with reality.  Newsproduct monopoly of magazines and television with the grisly details of the "terrible ordeal" of some child somewhere on the opposite side of the continent?  If it were a story from Australian I wouldn't care. Political drama? When I see an Australian cabinet minister apologizing or resigning I don't give a damn.

I don't imagine the audience in their underwear, I imagine them all as Australians.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

This might actually work for me...

[Doktor Howl]

This might actually work for me...

You just have to remember that they're upside down, so they have even worse post-nasal drip than we get.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

This might actually work for me...

You just have to remember that they're upside down, so they have even worse post-nasal drip than we get.

Oh, that might be problematic for me.

Twid,
physical symptoms of nerddom

[Doktor Howl]

This might actually work for me...

You just have to remember that they're upside down, so they have even worse post-nasal drip than we get.

Oh, that might be problematic for me.

Twid,
physical symptoms of nerddom

Why?  You're not the bastard walking around upside down just to show off. 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

This might actually work for me...

You just have to remember that they're upside down, so they have even worse post-nasal drip than we get.

Oh, that might be problematic for me.

Twid,
physical symptoms of nerddom

Why?  You're not the bastard walking around upside down just to show off.

Fair. Plus they drink tea and show off their knives.

Oh, and they don't know what cocaine is, if I remember Crocodile Dundee right.

[Doktor Howl]

Heh.

Anyway, this place is dead as a stone today, so I'm gonna git.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Heh.

Anyway, this place is dead as a stone today, so I'm gonna git.

I tried. Anyway, I should be focusing on the folk stuff and that one Thin Lizzy song. I don't got much time left.

Honestly, I should rotate this stuff into warm up practice. That way next year I don't have to spaz out like a slacker before finals.

[Deepthroat Chopra]

You should post this on an Australian politics message board somewhere, and see the apologetic, jingoistic, defensive and ignorant responses. Generally speaking, we take ourselves far too seriously for a place that keeps subjecting our cultural identity to a series of poorly implemented copies of other places in the world.

Like, our pollies keep talking about getting a seat on the UN security council, because we're convinced we "punch above our weight". How grovelling at the feets of the British, then the yanks, and now likely the Chinese, gives us that idea escapes me.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Anyone who can live on an island made of poison kinda has to think of themselves as supernaturally badass, I would think.

[Deepthroat Chopra]

Anyone who can live on an island made of poison kinda has to think of themselves as supernaturally badass, I would think.

"made of poison"?

I thought my white ancestors brought the poison. Could you please clarify?

British nuclear testing? Over-use of DDT? Introduction of Cane Toads? What?

[AnnaMaeBollocks]

Anyone who can live on an island made of poison kinda has to think of themselves as supernaturally badass, I would think.

"made of poison"?

I thought my white ancestors brought the poison. Could you please clarify?

British nuclear testing? Over-use of DDT? Introduction of Cane Toads? What?

Olivia Newton John.

[Deepthroat Chopra]

Anyone who can live on an island made of poison kinda has to think of themselves as supernaturally badass, I would think.

"made of poison"?

I thought my white ancestors brought the poison. Could you please clarify?

British nuclear testing? Over-use of DDT? Introduction of Cane Toads? What?

Olivia Newton John.

Ha! Amerika STILL love her! And the British love our stupid soaps.

For every Newton John here though, there's a hundred Jessica Simpson's over there.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Anyone who can live on an island made of poison kinda has to think of themselves as supernaturally badass, I would think.

"made of poison"?

I thought my white ancestors brought the poison. Could you please clarify?

British nuclear testing? Over-use of DDT? Introduction of Cane Toads? What?

blue ring octopus
every snake
box jellyfish
stone fish
red back spider
funnel web spider
platypuses...

[Deepthroat Chopra]

Anyone who can live on an island made of poison kinda has to think of themselves as supernaturally badass, I would think.

"made of poison"?

I thought my white ancestors brought the poison. Could you please clarify?

British nuclear testing? Over-use of DDT? Introduction of Cane Toads? What?

blue ring octopus
every snake
box jellyfish
stone fish
red back spider
funnel web spider
platypuses...

Ah. Thanks. Yes, the most poisonous snakes on the planet. But we have many pythons too, just to be pedantic - not poisonous. Thankful we don't have Komodo Dragons and Killer bees.

But yes, even so, we have poisoned this continent ourselves (well, we blame the British mostly) more in the past couple of hundred years than all those animals combined.