My friend Sal...

[AFK]

He tried to get a job at the local butcher, but he didn't make the cut.

He was late to the orchestra because his wife took too long Chopin.

He sued the funeral home that did up his Ma because they did a shitty dye job. 

He missed the link between lung cancer and chain smoking. 

Now he is more or less stationery, though he is still quite a card. 

[AFK]

In his world, Sal was a King.  A measured man and a kind ruler.  A ruler of Men among man.  A host of studied and steady subjects.  Exporting the products of mines and minds.  His scholars rode to the edges of the kingdom, spreading the New Knowledge and histories nobody Knew. 

Wizards of words, delving into dark tombs. 

And.....the expansion........

[AFK]

Sal loved weekend walks in the woods.  He thought is was one of those things that made him a real fun guy.  Especially those particular excursions where he brought back truffles for all of his friends. 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I had a friend sal in high school. He once did a science project about the effects of soda on teeth. Now we had been making jokes for some time about his father being a "legitimate businessman" so naturally we hassled him quite a bit over where he got the teeth. Theres no puns in here but your thread made me think of him.

Bit my wrist once when i tried to steal his bottle of jolt. That was eighth grade i think maybe ninth.

He and i were good friends. We hassled and mocked each other a lot but that was a part of the dynamic. I kinda miss the silly bastard.

[AFK]

I had a friend sal in high school. He once did a science project about the effects of soda on teeth. Now we had been making jokes for some time about his father being a "legitimate businessman" so naturally we hassled him quite a bit over where he got the teeth. Theres no puns in here but your thread made me think of him.

Bit my wrist once when i tried to steal his bottle of jolt. That was eighth grade i think maybe ninth.

He and i were good friends. We hassled and mocked each other a lot but that was a part of the dynamic. I kinda miss the silly bastard.

No puns eh? 

Your friend Sal sounds like quite a hoot.  I went to a really small school with a bunch of Normals, so I didn't have any wacky friends like that.  I was the wacky friend.  Though, I don't think I ever bit anyone. 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Yeah- we liked our caffeine so we used to drink a lot of jolt. He sat in front of me in homeroom one year so id do this thing where i would try and steal his jolt when he was talking to someone. One day he whipped around and just got a hold of my wrist with his teeth. It sucked but it was hilarious at the same time. There were teeth indentations on my skin for hours afterwards. I also stopped attempting to steal his jolt.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

His father once asked him why he hangs out with so many potato suckers. (he used that phrasing too ) all the other italians were preppy types and the outcast table was disproportionately irish. It was a big school though so we had our share of oddballs. Strangely i was the only one to have come across discordianism and that was in passing. Ill stop spagging up you thread now and think of a pun.

[AFK]

No worries man.  Those are interesting stories and I'm glad you shared them.  It's good to recognize and celebrate Characters. 

This thread was just another silly writing excursion, creating a character, a Sal, and sneaking in some puns as well.

I knew a real Sal, his name was Dave.  Dave the Pizza King.  We both worked the morning shift at the local Pizza Hut.  Dude was a fucking riot to work with.  Food service jobs can be especially soul crushing.  Dave worked that awful job with the biggest shit-eating-grin on his face.  He would suck down his double-brew sludge coffee, chain-smoke cigarettes out the back door, and sing shanties while prepping the food for the day.  Just a crazy mother.  I never laughed so much in my life. 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Yeah guys like that make the shitty things bearable. I got a bit of a smirk going on right now.

[Lenin McCarthy]

He was late to the orchestra because his wife took too long Chopin.

She couldn't Händel Chopin without a Liszt, so she went Bach home.

[AFK]

Sal loves his wife very much, even if she is a bit of a boar.  Most days their marriage is even keel, but on others where they sow trouble and strife.