Soda Fountain

[Doktor Howl]

I was looking for a list of side effects to tweak and post and found this. Surely another bullshit story cooked up by FOX to make people hate "frivolous lawsuits" and the french, but 

http://hypervocal.com/culture/2011/side-effects-include-drowsiness-diarrhea-and-addiction-to-gay-sex/

Or Rick Warren finally exploded.  Fabulously.

And this poor bastard was caught all up in the mix.

[Freeky]

Doktor Howl may be habit-forming and should be used only by the person it was prescribed for. Keep the good Doktor in a secure place where others cannot get to it. Doktor Howl can cause side effects that may impair your thinking or reactions. Be careful if you drive or do anything that requires you to be awake and alert.

Tell your doctor if the good Doktor seems to stop working as well in relieving your ignorance.  He may have gotten into the cactus again.

[Freeky]

Alty (spagimus maximus) is an angry alaskan biped native largely within the Arctic Circle encompassing the Arctic Ocean, its surrounding seas and surrounding land masses. It is the world's angriest land creature in Alaska, together with the omnivorous Kodiak Bear, which is approximately as angry. An adult male weighs around 160 lbs. Although it is closely related to the Hungarian terrorists, it has evolved to occupy a narrower ecological niche, with many body characteristics adapted for cold temperatures, for moving across snow, ice, and open water, and for hunting the seals which make up most of its diet. Although most Altys are born on land, they spend most of their time making fun of idiots. Their scientific name means "huge spag", and derives from this fact. Alty can hunt their preferred food of seals from the edge of sea ice, often living off sheer hate and alcohol when no sea ice is present.

[Doktor Howl]

Alty (spagimus maximus) is an angry alaskan biped native largely within the Arctic Circle encompassing the Arctic Ocean, its surrounding seas and surrounding land masses. It is the world's angriest land creature in Alaska, together with the omnivorous Kodiak Bear, which is approximately as angry. An adult male weighs around 160 lbs. Although it is closely related to the Hungarian terrorists, it has evolved to occupy a narrower ecological niche, with many body characteristics adapted for cold temperatures, for moving across snow, ice, and open water, and for hunting the seals which make up most of its diet. Although most Altys are born on land, they spend most of their time making fun of idiots. Their scientific name means "huge spag", and derives from this fact. Alty can hunt their preferred food of seals from the edge of sea ice, often living off sheer hate and alcohol when no sea ice is present.

The only known predator of the Altysaurus is the American Psychoticus Stalkerus.  The Altysaurus avoids the predator by backing into its burrow, and waiting for the Stalkerus to beat its brains out on the door frame.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Nigel and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning
bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.

We'd like to thank you for flying Air Oregon, and next time you travel, we hope you'll SHUT UP while the flight attendants are giving you the safety briefing.  After all, we'd like to think that we at least gave you a chance not to become a charcaol briquet.

[Salty]

Alty (spagimus maximus) is an angry alaskan biped native largely within the Arctic Circle encompassing the Arctic Ocean, its surrounding seas and surrounding land masses. It is the world's angriest land creature in Alaska, together with the omnivorous Kodiak Bear, which is approximately as angry. An adult male weighs around 160 lbs. Although it is closely related to the Hungarian terrorists, it has evolved to occupy a narrower ecological niche, with many body characteristics adapted for cold temperatures, for moving across snow, ice, and open water, and for hunting the seals which make up most of its diet. Although most Altys are born on land, they spend most of their time making fun of idiots. Their scientific name means "huge spag", and derives from this fact. Alty can hunt their preferred food of seals from the edge of sea ice, often living off sheer hate and alcohol when no sea ice is present.

The only known predator of the Altysaurus is the American Psychoticus Stalkerus.  The Altysaurus avoids the predator by backing into its burrow, and waiting for the Stalkerus to beat its brains out on the door frame.

Seals are god damned delicious. But you have to kill them slowly with kindness or the flavor gets all wonky.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Alty (spagimus maximus) is an angry alaskan biped native largely within the Arctic Circle encompassing the Arctic Ocean, its surrounding seas and surrounding land masses. It is the world's angriest land creature in Alaska, together with the omnivorous Kodiak Bear, which is approximately as angry. An adult male weighs around 160 lbs. Although it is closely related to the Hungarian terrorists, it has evolved to occupy a narrower ecological niche, with many body characteristics adapted for cold temperatures, for moving across snow, ice, and open water, and for hunting the seals which make up most of its diet. Although most Altys are born on land, they spend most of their time making fun of idiots. Their scientific name means "huge spag", and derives from this fact. Alty can hunt their preferred food of seals from the edge of sea ice, often living off sheer hate and alcohol when no sea ice is present.

The only known predator of the Altysaurus is the American Psychoticus Stalkerus.  The Altysaurus avoids the predator by backing into its burrow, and waiting for the Stalkerus to beat its brains out on the door frame.

Seals are god damned delicious. But you have to kill them slowly with kindness or the flavor gets all wonky.

They don't taste like FISH MEAT?