Notes on Being the Villain, part I

[rong]

it meant that, at the end of my post, i realized i wouldn't know if i could believe your reply.  not necessarily that it's a lie - but that i wouldn't be able to tell.

i decided to include the italics instead of deleting and not posting.

[Doktor Howl]

it meant that, at the end of my post, i realized i wouldn't know if i could believe your reply.  not necessarily that it's a lie - but that i wouldn't be able to tell.

I fail to see any difference whatsoever.

This conversation is over.

[rong]

so you don't hate anybody, then?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I always get a kick out of your Malevolent God theory.

It's pretty much the best God theory out there.

"Ha, ha," God said, "See that group of monkeys? I'm going to make them walk upright and give them reason and free will, but I'm going to leave intact the monkey instincts to dig in, screech, and throw poop. This'll be funny!".

[rong]

i CHOOSE to throw poop, dammit

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

roger - i noticed you didn't include in your categories "people that hate you because you hate them"

allow me to elaborate:

i get the feeling you hate me.

often times, you will respond to one of my posts with something that i will interpret as a poke or a stab.  i'm never sure if you're just being a prick to me because you don't like me - or if you just want to tussle.

sometimes i will attempt to "walk away" - other times i will "step up" and things escalate. 

so - do you like to fight or fighting's sake - or do you genuinely despise me?

oh shit, that's right - this is the internet, so no matter what you say, i won't be sure if it's genuine or not

I suspect that it's because you are incredibly insecure and it comes out in your posts in the form of passive-aggressive little prick statements just like the line bolded above, and it irritates people. As much as it would probably make you feel important to be hated, rest assured that for most people, when they aren't in the middle of reading your posts and feeling mildly annoyed by them, they forget that you exist at all.

[rong]

who are you again

point taken

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Looks like he's working on feeling more important. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Looks like he's working on feeling more important. 

I don't usually respond to him because I have no inclination to spend time on passive-aggressive attention-seekers, because they come across to me as weak-minded, but I thought for a moment that maybe he's capable of learning so I thought I'd try to clue him in.

Most likely he's not, in which case everyone will go back to their usual not giving a fuck.

[rong]

oops, i did it again

[navkat]

Do YOU have a drug?  Is there some person or thing in your life that you project all your problems onto, to avoid the drudgery of actually trying to figure out what's going on?  Can you admit - to yourself - that you have this sort of addiction?  And if so, can you bring yourself to walk away from it, or are you merely going to spend the rest of your life in the monkeyhouse?

This one stopped me short.  I don't know the answer, which means I'm not admitting something to myself.  I'm going to have to take some time and think about this.

You always say the thing I wanted to say.

Reading this makes me realize I do have a drug and spent far too much time getting spun about it but I don't know how to stop choosing the drug over the food.

I guess I'm sort of fascinated and obsessed--not with the person anymore. Even I realize I don't feel a thing towards them by now, but with the things they did that caught me off-gaurd.

Like a child at a magic show, I want to know how he did it, how he fooled me so completely. How did the ball end up under the cup in the middle? He hardly even moved that one! What did I miss? How did he pull that off without me seeing a thing? I must know.

I really can't bring myself to having animosity for individuals. It's boring, accomplishes nothing and it's a waste of my headspace. But systems, themes, patterns, groups, attitudes...the shit people do when they aren't being individual...those things plague me to a point where I almost have to admit that I am powerless over them and my life has become unmanageable.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I don't know, I think people get caught off guard when they have certain standards, and the people they've known had those standards, so they're just not expecting it. Like all those old Indians thinking the treaties were real, or assuming somebody's not a pedo because they seem like anybody else. I don't know, I guess it's kind of a choice between having really minimal interactions with anybody, or taking a chance on getting fucked over at some point.

[navkat]

It gets worse when they are fantastically manipulative but are so enveloped in a fog of justifications that neither you nor they suspect they are full of shit. Bonus points when they bore of you and sadistically exploit your vulnerabilities to paint themselves as having been victimized by you as an exit strategy and on their way out the door, try to convince you how reprehensable you are.

I know this is a fucked up, possibly paranoid, biased thing to say but at the time, I got a nagging feeling that some part of him was hoping I'd kill myself...like he knew precisely how to exact that result and at my weakest moment, couldn't restrain himself. Several months hindsight has done little to abate this feeling. To the contrary: the possibility has only shaped itself in my mind as completely feasible and no longer one borne of emotional logic. I'm still floored by the absolute mystical, magical nature of the idea...so crazy, could it be true? Nah! But dude...

This was not just being surprised by someone not adhering to a standard I set for them in my mind, rather, at least some part of this was calculated and I had no warning bells. That's scary and it's made me extremely frightened and mistrustful of people ever since.

[navkat]

The drug part is the inability to wrap my mind around it and make it stick. More than a significant part of me goes "There has to be some other explanation for those actions. There's no way...no one is that evil. There's something I'm missing in my asessment. Maybe I perceived something the wrong way. Maybe I'm being unfair."

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The drug part is the inability to wrap my mind around it and make it stick. More than a significant part of me goes "There has to be some other explanation for those actions. There's no way...no one is that evil. There's something I'm missing in my asessment. Maybe I perceived something the wrong way. Maybe I'm being unfair."

I think that's a pretty common thought pattern for people who have been victimized. Contrast this with people who have not; they usually go "This guy is an asshole, and I'm kicking him out of my life immediately".

My housemate's ex-boyfriend is turning out to be a huge asshole. They broke up almost 3 months ago and she moved in here two months ago, but since finding out she's started dating again just a few days ago he has sent her something like 20 emails, all about how inappropriate it is and how she's crossed a line yadda yadda. He told our mutual friends that she's planning on prostituting herself to pay her bills, and a bunch of other sick bullshit.

It might just be a mental break from the emotional stress of the breakup, but I think he's just an asshole and this manipulative shit is probably reflective of why she stayed with him for so long... because she had poor boundaries due to having been taught at a young age that others were more important than she was, so she was easy pickings for his mind-games, and \made excuses for his bad behavior year after year instead of running for the hills like a woman with healthy boundaries and self-esteem would have.

She's much better now, which is why she finally left, and naturally he's incensed that she would DARE to leave him. And now that another man has soiled his property taken his ex-girlfriend on a couple of dates, he can't stop flipping out about what a bad, bad, evil woman she is.