We Have Milk

[Phox]

Funny little thing I noticed when I was driving home last night.

The electronic marquee outside of Walgreen's said simply: "We Have Milk".

It was 12 or 1 am, and the stop lights were flashing yellow, and I saw that sign.

"We Have Milk" in large, red letters. Constant. No flashing or scrolling.

I began to wonder what that meant. Surely, they don't have the only milk in town. After all, Kroger, Walmart, and the local grocery store were literally right across the street. Have their customers been asking them to stock milk? Who knows?

Fuck, it doesn't matter, I had a couple of gallons back home in the fridge, what do I care about milk? I mean, I don't pay attention to the sign across the street that says Sirloin 13$/lbs. or whatever the hell it said. Something involving the price of some cut of meat, but that's all I know.

But then it hits me. That sign wouldn't be so odd if I didn't take having milk available for granted. So remember folks, we have milk.

[Doktor Howl]

One day, that sign will flicker and go out.

[Phox]

One day, that sign will flicker and go out.

Oh, oh yes. And when that day comes, some of us will still have milk, and some of us won't.

[navkat]

I love your point of view around here.

We have milk. Milk. We are a nation who can afford to feed its cows well enough to build an industry on the stuff that comes out of the cow's boobies.

Enjoy that quesadilla, mofo!

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

But then it hits me. That sign wouldn't be so odd if I didn't take having milk available for granted. So remember folks, we have milk.

That's probably the intended effect, or part of it.

The other part of the intended effect is where you're supposed to go "OMFG WHAT IF THERE WAS NO MILK??? HOW WOULD I LIVE? I BETTER BUY A FUCKLOAD OF MILK RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!"

[Pæs]

That's very reassuring. There's milk if you need it. If ever you find yourself with a serious milk shortage, someone's got you covered. You can stop fretting about what you would do if you finished all the milk in your fridge.

DON'T PANIC

[Nephew Twiddleton]

But then it hits me. That sign wouldn't be so odd if I didn't take having milk available for granted. So remember folks, we have milk.

That's probably the intended effect, or part of it.

The other part of the intended effect is where you're supposed to go "OMFG WHAT IF THERE WAS NO MILK??? HOW WOULD I LIVE? I BETTER BUY A FUCKLOAD OF MILK RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!"

It's like when a Nor'Easter hits. Everyone goes out and buys food more food that they won't end up eating in case the power goes out and the fridge dies.

There's a very large refrigerator outside.

Or when that water pipe burst in the Boston area about 2 and a half years ago and everyone went out to buy gallons of water until there was a shortage.

How often do you drink water?

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

But then it hits me. That sign wouldn't be so odd if I didn't take having milk available for granted. So remember folks, we have milk.

That's probably the intended effect, or part of it.

The other part of the intended effect is where you're supposed to go "OMFG WHAT IF THERE WAS NO MILK??? HOW WOULD I LIVE? I BETTER BUY A FUCKLOAD OF MILK RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!"

It's like when a Nor'Easter hits. Everyone goes out and buys food more food that they won't end up eating in case the power goes out and the fridge dies.

There's a very large refrigerator outside.

Or when that water pipe burst in the Boston area about 2 and a half years ago and everyone went out to buy gallons of water until there was a shortage.

How often do you drink water?

I drink a lot of water but that's only because I quit sodas and we get triple digits here for months on end. You don't need that kind of water in Boston. 

And yeah, the groceries. And horror stories about the Blizzard of 78 and how nobody could get out of the house for like, a week.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

People never got over 78. I was born in 81 and is till hear about it. Not as much anymore but every so often. And of course the news loves a good storm. Lets send out a reporter to scituate and have them report live from the beach to make it look the four horsemen are riding through. And report on norhing else because theres not more important things going on in the world. Nope. Drum up some fear and get those people out to the stores! Maybe well have a manufactured food riot. Wouldnt that be exciting!

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

People never got over 78. I was born in 81 and is till hear about it. Not as much anymore but every so often. And of course the news loves a good storm. Lets send out a reporter to scituate and have them report live from the beach to make it look the four horsemen are riding through. And report on norhing else because theres not more important things going on in the world. Nope. Drum up some fear and get those people out to the stores! Maybe well have a manufactured food riot. Wouldnt that be exciting!

We get something like that down here when there's a hurricane warning. They were fistfighting in WalMart over bottled water for babies last time. A lot of us here just ignore it, though. If I was closer to the coast I'd worry more, but my parents sat out Carla at home (outside of Houston) and that one was a category 4. There was no levee to break like in NOLA.

I did notice how Boston TV news was. LOCAL LOCAL LOCAL! You could forget watching regular programming during any kind of inclement weather. If ANYTHING happened in Boston, or happened to somebody who was from Boston, everything STOPPED and they were on it. 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Oh definitely. Its the damnedest thing. Everything on every channel is about the storm. Its like the aftermath of 911 except most noreasters dont last a month.

Maybe it sounds callous but even after a couple of days i was like "ok. Nyc got ass raped by al qaeda. There is nothing new to report on and i dont see the point in... Oh wait. I do feel oddly patriotic. I see."

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Exactly.

And remember when John Kennedy Jr.'s plane went down? Every channel just showed the water for hours and hours with voiceovers repeating "We don't know anything yet...no word yet...". And when Jackie died, they wouldn't let cameras into the funeral but they broadcasted the audio of it, with the cameras outside the church. Shrubbery waving in the breeze. Live.

It didn't even have to be a Kennedy, though. I remember either a Boston cop or a firefighter died and they showed the whole funeral on every station, complete with a parade with bagpipes.

[Doktor Howl]

Exactly.

And remember when John Kennedy Jr.'s plane went down? Every channel just showed the water for hours and hours with voiceovers repeating "We don't know anything yet...no word yet...". And when Jackie died, they wouldn't let cameras into the funeral but they broadcasted the audio of it, with the cameras outside the church. Shrubbery waving in the breeze. Live.

It didn't even have to be a Kennedy, though. I remember either a Boston cop or a firefighter died and they showed the whole funeral on every station, complete with a parade with bagpipes.

Nothing tops the post-911 frenzy, with the streamers at the bottom of the screen posting every whacko fantasy that popped into an intern's head.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Exactly.

And remember when John Kennedy Jr.'s plane went down? Every channel just showed the water for hours and hours with voiceovers repeating "We don't know anything yet...no word yet...". And when Jackie died, they wouldn't let cameras into the funeral but they broadcasted the audio of it, with the cameras outside the church. Shrubbery waving in the breeze. Live.

It didn't even have to be a Kennedy, though. I remember either a Boston cop or a firefighter died and they showed the whole funeral on every station, complete with a parade with bagpipes.

Nothing tops the post-911 frenzy, with the streamers at the bottom of the screen posting every whacko fantasy that popped into an intern's head.

Post 911 was nuts even away from TV. I went to Walgreens and they were playing Sousa marches.
"OBOY JUST LIKE WWII!"

[Doktor Howl]

Exactly.

And remember when John Kennedy Jr.'s plane went down? Every channel just showed the water for hours and hours with voiceovers repeating "We don't know anything yet...no word yet...". And when Jackie died, they wouldn't let cameras into the funeral but they broadcasted the audio of it, with the cameras outside the church. Shrubbery waving in the breeze. Live.

It didn't even have to be a Kennedy, though. I remember either a Boston cop or a firefighter died and they showed the whole funeral on every station, complete with a parade with bagpipes.

Nothing tops the post-911 frenzy, with the streamers at the bottom of the screen posting every whacko fantasy that popped into an intern's head.

Post 911 was nuts even away from TV. I went to Walgreens and they were playing Sousa marches.
"OBOY JUST LIKE WWII!"

See, I couldn't keep my composure in a situation like that.  I would be forced, FORCED, to ask the store manager what the fuck they were thinking.