A word on the Wretched (long overdue explanation)

[navkat]

I'm going to quote something I told someone else privately because it sums things up succinctly and it's come to my attention that some people still completely understand what the fuck went on.

WretchedChan was created by me as a troll account/ridiculous alter-ego to express a lot of the unrest I have about the stupid things we as women do to ourselves. She was intended to be a very extreme reflection of those parts of ourselves that are kind of pathetic and ugly and wretched. It was a fun thought-experiment in that I was taking the very worst-case-scenario of the pathetic female stereotype and creating sort of a container to hold all that baggage so I can laugh at it and say "I'm glad that ain't me."

"Oh, WretchedChan! *facepalm* When will you ever learn, girl?"

In what? October? My ex broke into my laptop by running linux through a flashdrive, got alllllll the passwords to allllll my online accounts and broke into all of them. We'd been unhappy and on our way into the divorce court for a long time but, not wanting to create more drama with him (because he's crazy, duh), I kept my private life to myself and bid my time until I could completely remove myself from the residence. He was looking to poke around in my private life by violating me yet some more and when he found some shit on a poly forum that I wrote under a different name, he had his justification for all that he had done to me, was doing and was planning on doing. "I'm going to burn you to the fucking ground" were his precise words.

He had my phone (we shared an account) turned off and had my number transferred to another device. He loaded up all my contacts from my google accounts (I had an android phone so that was easy) and proceeded to phone and text every single one of my friends, family and contacts to impersonate me for info then smear my name in shit. He phoned my son's father to tell him I was neglecting my child and that he'd be willing to attest to the same in a custody battle. When people who'd been encouraging me and offering to help me escape for a long time (part of my safety plan) answered back some of his more cryptic (information-gathering) texts to ask if I needed help, he milked them for as much information as he could, then threatened their jobs and their families if they tried to assist me. There went my safety plan. He threatened to have my car reported stolen (they arrest first and ask questions later and with a pending felony charge, you can't complete clinical rotations and therefore, can not pass EMT school) and did every possible thing to cause me to lose any hope for a life without him. He told me plainly that he would ensure that I'd have nothing and that no one would ever fuck me or hire me again when he was through with me. He told anyone he couldn't bleed for information that I had STDs and wasn't disclosing them, he told me he called people he knows in the NOPD and Acadian Ambulance to tell them I was a thief and of bad character and not to hire me. I have no idea if he really did this but the point was to terrorize me.

One of his favorite tactics was to log into my various accounts and air out all my dirty laundry...and some laundry that wasn't even accurately mine. That's what happened with WC. I became, for all intents and purposes, persona non grata. I was instantly alienated from everything and everyone I cared about. Too scared to go back home, no one who wanted to deal with me or get involved because of the scary, ferocity of the situation and a good portion of the friend and acquaintance base I had built for myself telling me bluntly not to contact them anymore. I think a portion of them wanted to stay the fuck away from the drama, another segment maybe believed the things he was saying and a third portion were truly offended at getting text messages on their phones (some of them with wives and husbands) saying "I have and STD.....you better get checked!" and whatever else he sent them.

I couldn't go back to the house. He'd trashed a bunch of my shit and changed the locks anyway but I was fucking terrified of him. I changed as many passwords as I could manage in the short amount of time I had using a friend's computer in New Orleans, hit up ECH and Rog on FB to ask them to suspend my accts here and ended up in a DomVi shelter for a week.

I don't know if you know anything about this sort of thing but down here, a DomVi shelter is the absolute worst place to protect yourself from this sort of abuse. You are technically safe from being beaten for a while but when you get out, your problems that gave the abuser power in the first place are far, far worse. You're not allowed to go to the bank, contact legal before you've been there a week, file for a PFA, log into or change the passwords to any of your accounts that your perp knows you have, you can't make and receive phonecalls without permission, you can't arrange to have someone take care of your affairs because if they know where you are, your perp can torture them to find out where you are. You can leave for work and school after 48 hours but there's a curfew. You can't feed pets. You can't get your children away from the perp if he's their parent. In the meantime, your perp is wreaking HAVOC on your life: selling or trashing your shit, selling marital property (and with the 1-week wait period on being allowed to get legal help or file anything, if he sells the house, you have to take it up the ass), cleaning out accounts, taking you off the medical plan, contacting your family before you've been allowed to call them yourself, etc etc etc.

I have seen women lose their houses, lose their children due to charges by him of legal abandonment and emergency ex parte orders, sit helplessly while they know their pets are dying with no food or water, and basically find themselves in the exact position the abuser wants: "You are nothing without me, you HAVE nothing without me. You'd better come back if you want this to stop."

It was a nightmare that just went on and on and on. He had plenty of time to just drunkenly rage for two weeks. He had a mutual "friend" help him take my car off the school lot when I was in class right in front of security. He stole my schoolbooks and I watched my #1 class-ranking drop, drop, drop while for three weeks, I had to take a zero on assignments that made 15% of my grade.

The WHORE thread was a product of this mess. It was a fantastic state of affairs that he chose WretchedChan for that and it felt like some sort of poetic irony so I left it. It's become sort of a badge to me now...a battle scar of sorts.

In my head, I'm still kind of fucked. I don't trust anyone and I feel like I can't show my face anywhere. I'm still dealing with the backlash from his circus of crazy...I still occasionally hear from people who ask me "So that text you sent me a while ago, what the fuck was THAT about? That was very not cool, man/leave me out of your bullshit."

It fucked with my sense of "I can beat this" in a huuuge way. I'm shaken. I feel weak and sick and frightened of everything.

But I found a niche here. This was the one and only place where he didn't sell his shit. It didn't sell. Not a drop. The only place. You people saw through the bullshit with almost zero contact or explanation from me while I was incommunicado. On the contrary: people who had never met me IRL actually showed concern. I made the decision at that point to stop being a flouncy-lurker and become a regular.

So that's it. That's the whole shebang, more or less. There's more drama but not a whole lot more. It's ongoing but the worst is over for now.

[Doktor Howl]

It would be a real shame if his PI fell into the wrong hands.

TGRR,
The wrong hands.

[LMNO]

That would really be a horrible idea, and you should in no way privately hand his information to Howl.

Or anyone else, for that matter.  I mean, who knows what sort of random, nay, chaotic things might happen?

Eris protects her own.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

I, for one, would be incredibly disappointed if his information were to be handed to people who are both excellent social engineers and angry feminists. That would be awful.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I agree with all of the above.

And you know what, Nav? He tried to destroy you, and he failed. You're still standing. He did a huge amount of damage, but you will soon get to the part of your life where you're rebuilding; you are armed with a different kind of knowledge now, about who people are. I suspect that when you do find a new community to move to and start rebuilding, that you will be more selective in who you trust, because now you know that there are people who only love you when you're smiling, and there are people who analyze the heavy stuff, see through bullshit, and stick around when things get bad. It's the latter you'll surround yourself with.

[Phox]

Nav, we got your back.

[navkat]

You guys are unbelievable. <3