I dont know who I am anymore.

[Freeky]

I have come to the realization over the last week or so that I don't know who I am, or what I believe in, anymore.  I hold up an image of the person I wanted to be when I was 16, or even 18, and it doesn't match hardly at all with who I am. 

When I was 16, I was positive that, while other people may work differently, I'd only be completely in love with one person, ever.  Now, I am in love with a couple of people, and have serious feelings for others which could evolve that way given time and opportunity, and am actively looking for open relationships.

When I was 16, I knew, knew, that principles were a better thing to have than doing stuff that would get me into trouble if I got caught.  Now, I'm breaking promises left and right like they were plates at a Greek wedding.  It isn't even as if I don't mean them when I make them, I just can't seem to follow through.

When I was 18, I hated hated HATED self-absorbed, shallow, attention whoring anyones.  Now, if I don't actively stay on top of my desire to talk about myself, I am one of those people (still hate them, though).

When I was 18, I never thought I'd be able to meet up with people over the internet.  It was too scary, too risky.  Now, I'm inviting dudes over for drinks after talking to them for a few hours on the interbutts.

When I was 16, I thought I was incapable of malicious thought or act.  Now it seems like that is the only thing I'm made of. 

There is no line I draw that I don't seem to cross eventually.  I have no idea where this is coming from.  I'm no good at self-reflection.  I'm not even sure this is a Tucson driven thing.  But what bothers me the most is that I don't really care if this trend continues. I don't know if that makes me a bad person, but I don't care if that's the case, either.

[Doktor Howl]

You're just bashing yourself, Freeky.  None of that shit is any more accurate about you than it is about anyone else.

[Freeky]

Maybe.  But I think these instances are more frequently happening than when I was younger. 

Maybe I'm just making too big a deal about not caring about how much I've changed?  I dunno.

[Doktor Howl]

Maybe.  But I think these instances are more frequently happening than when I was younger. 

Maybe I'm just making too big a deal about not caring about how much I've changed?  I dunno.

My dad once said to me, "Roger, violating your principles only hurts the first time.  Then it gets easier."

My mom smacked him upside the head, but he was right. 

But seriously, it's very easy to be an idealist at 16 or even 18.  Then real life comes along with a billy club and pounds the self-righteousness and bogus morality right out of you.  The trick is keeping the actual morality...Which has nothing to do with whom you are in love with, or the fact that you recognize that it's not always possible to do everything you say.

Hell, the real trick is to not make promises unless you absolutely have to do so.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Hell, the real trick is to not make promises unless you absolutely have to do so.

I need this tattooed backwards on my face.

[Freeky]

Maybe.  But I think these instances are more frequently happening than when I was younger. 

Maybe I'm just making too big a deal about not caring about how much I've changed?  I dunno.

My dad once said to me, "Roger, violating your principles only hurts the first time.  Then it gets easier."

My mom smacked him upside the head, but he was right. 

But seriously, it's very easy to be an idealist at 16 or even 18.  Then real life comes along with a billy club and pounds the self-righteousness and bogus morality right out of you.  The trick is keeping the actual morality...Which has nothing to do with whom you are in love with, or the fact that you recognize that it's not always possible to do everything you say.

Hell, the real trick is to not make promises unless you absolutely have to do so.

That makes sense.  That last line is somthing to live by, too.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Yeah thats a kicker. I have poor follow through myself. I have to learn how to say maybe and then work on no. That or get a personal assistant to remind me what im supposed to be doing which aint going to happen. Freeky- your fine. Just be you now rather than what youd thought you were.

[Bruno]

When I was younger, if a friend asked me "Hey man, can you do me a favor?". I would say "Sure." before asking "What is it?".

I don't do that anymore.

[navkat]

I have no advice. I am a mess of poor decisions, indecisiveness and confusion.

No wait! I do have advice: focus on your kid and getting through school. That way, you're sure to not make any mistakes...for now.

[Freeky]

I have no advice. I am a mess of poor decisions, indecisiveness and confusion.

No wait! I do have advice: focus on your kid and getting through school. That way, you're sure to not make any mistakes


...for now.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

16-18's a weird age, they give you a driver's license, let you out of high school and keep telling you that you're "almost an adult now" and "have your whole life ahead of you". They pump up the confidence you'll need for when you go out on your own. So yeah, ego comes into play and you think about this future they keep telling you about, and set the bar waaaaay up there. But you don't have a lot of life experience when you're making all these rules. Like Dok said, it's easy to be idealistic at sixteen.

I wouldn't even worry about it, I suspect everybody goes through something like that.