Using Your New Herpaderp™

[Don Coyote]

4.  Your new personality may exhibit the urge to watch NASCAR, shop at WalMart, and/or vote for Jesse Kelly (or his analog in your state).  This is normal, and the distress this causes will fade.  If you develop a need to go bowling, cease using Herpaderp™, and call your doktor at once.

Seriously - what's the deal with the Wal-Mart hate?  Not the company (although I don't think they're particularly more evil than any other corporation would be if they got the chance)....

Not particularly more evil than who? They're the third largest employer in the world—only the Chinese Military (#2) and the US Dept. of Defense (#1) have more employees than them. I also haven't heard of any other corporation that goes into neighborhoods, temporarily sets prices that are so low that they drive local business to ruin, then jacks up the price after gaining a monopoly in the area.

Oh, and then there's the massive bribery and cover-up that just broke:

www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/business/at-wal-mart-in-mexico-a-bribe-inquiry-silenced.html?_r=1

Every corporation would do that? Really? Even the Corporation for Public Broadcasting?

Also, not every company studies new ways to deliberately make their employees miserable.  Disney and WalMart, as far as I can tell.  The other companies just let the misery happen the old-fashioned way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJwrlF8AzmA

My un-American^TMism is growing. Is it wrong that I want to burn every Walmart to the ground?

[Golden Applesauce]

Unfortunately, the first few doses of Herpaderp™ have little effect other than blocking your hyperbole gland and inducing the early stages of pedantiosis. Use more Herpaderp™ to move beyond these stages and into a more fully developed level of Derp™.

Maybe we need to increase the first two doses? 

I mean, I'm a little dumbfounded by that post.  It implies that A) I need reasons to hate primates, and B) that someone got offended by me making fun of WalMart.

So maybe we need to DECREASE the first two doses?

I picked up on the hyperbole, I just decided to ignore it.  For disco-contrarian purposes.

I'm also not offended.  I think "annoyed" would be a little closer to the truth.

It's not even WalMart, for that matter - I'm annoyed because I thought we were better* than this shallow in-group/out-group Other bashing. I'm well aware that there are lots of tribal-cohesion benefits to picking and winning fights with stereotyped strawmen, and that it's even fun to do occasionally, but (and this might be my Herpaderp kicking in) I'm no longer certain that we're collectively aware of what we're doing and that it's all phatic noise as opposed to social commentary. This thread is obviously hyperbole, but I'm seeing a lot of of ain't-it-awfulling around about those Other people, what with their conservative political views, general ugliness, NASCAR appreciation, flannel shirts, mobility scooters, shopping habits, and Southern accents, all of which somehow go together.  It's too easy around here to respond to any given bad thing with "Well, that's White Trash for you."

(*except when we're TAKING IT TO THE WALL or just bored, obviously)

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Uhhh...it kinda goes BEYOND flannel shirts and southern accents http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=Hh7xnpNtuq4&feature=endscreen

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Unfortunately, the first few doses of Herpaderp™ have little effect other than blocking your hyperbole gland and inducing the early stages of pedantiosis. Use more Herpaderp™ to move beyond these stages and into a more fully developed level of Derp™.

Maybe we need to increase the first two doses? 

I mean, I'm a little dumbfounded by that post.  It implies that A) I need reasons to hate primates, and B) that someone got offended by me making fun of WalMart.

So maybe we need to DECREASE the first two doses?

I picked up on the hyperbole, I just decided to ignore it.  For disco-contrarian purposes.

I'm also not offended.  I think "annoyed" would be a little closer to the truth.

It's not even WalMart, for that matter - I'm annoyed because I thought we were better* than this shallow in-group/out-group Other bashing. I'm well aware that there are lots of tribal-cohesion benefits to picking and winning fights with stereotyped strawmen, and that it's even fun to do occasionally, but (and this might be my Herpaderp kicking in) I'm no longer certain that we're collectively aware of what we're doing and that it's all phatic noise as opposed to social commentary. This thread is obviously hyperbole, but I'm seeing a lot of of ain't-it-awfulling around about those Other people, what with their conservative political views, general ugliness, NASCAR appreciation, flannel shirts, mobility scooters, shopping habits, and Southern accents, all of which somehow go together.  It's too easy around here to respond to any given bad thing with "Well, that's White Trash for you."

(*except when we're TAKING IT TO THE WALL or just bored, obviously)

So you really have no issues with the fact that Wal-Mart is a horrible, evil company that treats its workers badly and drives other business out through shady tactics, and that it thrives because we demand it? And, in fact, you have issues with people recognizing and pointing out that fact, because of the "othering" effect of that level of deliberate consciousness?

Okay  then. 

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Unfortunately, the first few doses of Herpaderp™ have little effect other than blocking your hyperbole gland and inducing the early stages of pedantiosis. Use more Herpaderp™ to move beyond these stages and into a more fully developed level of Derp™.

Maybe we need to increase the first two doses? 

I mean, I'm a little dumbfounded by that post.  It implies that A) I need reasons to hate primates, and B) that someone got offended by me making fun of WalMart.

So maybe we need to DECREASE the first two doses?

I picked up on the hyperbole, I just decided to ignore it.  For disco-contrarian purposes.

I'm also not offended.  I think "annoyed" would be a little closer to the truth.

It's not even WalMart, for that matter - I'm annoyed because I thought we were better* than this shallow in-group/out-group Other bashing. I'm well aware that there are lots of tribal-cohesion benefits to picking and winning fights with stereotyped strawmen, and that it's even fun to do occasionally, but (and this might be my Herpaderp kicking in) I'm no longer certain that we're collectively aware of what we're doing and that it's all phatic noise as opposed to social commentary. This thread is obviously hyperbole, but I'm seeing a lot of of ain't-it-awfulling around about those Other people, what with their conservative political views, general ugliness, NASCAR appreciation, flannel shirts, mobility scooters, shopping habits, and Southern accents, all of which somehow go together.  It's too easy around here to respond to any given bad thing with "Well, that's White Trash for you."

(*except when we're TAKING IT TO THE WALL or just bored, obviously)

So you really have no issues with the fact that Wal-Mart is a horrible, evil company that treats its workers badly and drives other business out through shady tactics, and that it thrives because we demand it? And, in fact, you have issues with people recognizing and pointing out that fact, because of the "othering" effect of that level of deliberate consciousness?

Okay  then. 

Also this.

Pretty much all the other stores are treating their employees like shit too, BTW. Because they "have to keep up with WalMart".

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

We should never analyze, criticize, or judge the actions of the majority, because that's not nice. We should do the same things they do, because if so many people do the same things, they must be the Right™ things.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

With new Herpaderp™, you too can be Right™!

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

IMMA BUY ALL MY BOOKS AT WALMART FROM NOW ON.
No, fuck books. BIG SCREEN TEEVEE.

I wonder how long I have to eat Great Value Cheese Tater Tots to get back boobs?

[P3nT4gR4m]

I wonder how long I have to eat Great Value Cheese Tater Tots to get back boobs?

As long as it takes 

[Golden Applesauce]

So you really have no issues with the fact that Wal-Mart is a horrible, evil company that treats its workers badly and drives other business out through shady tactics, and that it thrives because we demand it? And, in fact, you have issues with people recognizing and pointing out that fact, because of the "othering" effect of that level of deliberate consciousness?

Okay  then. 

I made  a rhetorical error then, because I really didn't mean for Wal-Mart itself to be the focal point of this.  If you read carefully, nobody was making fun of the (admittedly evil) corporation but the people who occupy this new "I can't believe it's not the middle class" stratum.  The existence of Wal-Mart bothers me as much as anyone else here; what I was taking issue with was the "judging people by where they shop" aspect of this (as well as the "judging people by their body, what sports they like, and how they differentiate between 'you' [singular] and 'you' [plural]" parts.)

Especially because, as you've noted, they've driven out a lot of local businesses through shady tactics, meaning that in a lot of places they really are the best only store in their class left.  In those cases, judging people for shopping there is a lot closer to judging them by where they live.  Fuck you for not living in a metropolitan area with many redundant retailers!

[Doktor Howl]

I picked up on the hyperbole, I just decided to ignore it.  For disco-contrarian purposes.

Oh, well, then.  I am now ignoring the rest of your post...Nay, the rest of all of your posts, for disco-contrarian purposes.

I hope you didn't spend much time typing that.

[Doktor Howl]

We should never analyze, criticize, or judge the actions of the majority, because that's not nice. We should do the same things they do, because if so many people do the same things, they must be the Right™ things.

Nor should you ever explain, because your explanation will be ignored by shitnecks for "disco-contrarian" purposes, so said shitnecks can throw a complete fucking wobbler that has nothing to do with what you actually meant, as they know it involved hyperbole, and they chose to ignore that and then demand an explanation for what you said, sans hyperbole.

Which is why you should never argue with a fucking goober like Golden Applesauce...There isn't actually an argument.  She argues something you never said, and you're trying to defend against Eldoraism.

Not this kid.  Fuck that swine, I owe her nothing, least of all an explanation of events as she perceived they happened.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So you really have no issues with the fact that Wal-Mart is a horrible, evil company that treats its workers badly and drives other business out through shady tactics, and that it thrives because we demand it? And, in fact, you have issues with people recognizing and pointing out that fact, because of the "othering" effect of that level of deliberate consciousness?

Okay  then. 

I made  a rhetorical error then, because I really didn't mean for Wal-Mart itself to be the focal point of this.  If you read carefully, nobody was making fun of the (admittedly evil) corporation but the people who occupy this new "I can't believe it's not the middle class" stratum.  The existence of Wal-Mart bothers me as much as anyone else here; what I was taking issue with was the "judging people by where they shop" aspect of this (as well as the "judging people by their body, what sports they like, and how they differentiate between 'you' [singular] and 'you' [plural]" parts.)

Especially because, as you've noted, they've driven out a lot of local businesses through shady tactics, meaning that in a lot of places they really are the best only store in their class left.  In those cases, judging people for shopping there is a lot closer to judging them by where they live.  Fuck you for not living in a metropolitan area with many redundant retailers!

Making humorous generalizations about the people who choose to shop at Wal-Mart is a rhetorical device. Wanna know who lives in one of those shithole areas where there is little choice? Stella. And SHE gets it just fine. But do go on, wanna-be Protector of the Masses and Defender of the Status Quo. Go on and lull yourself into the idea that, by pedantically picking at a satiricist's rhetorical devices, you are somehow spreading enlightenment and defeating the ingrained us/them dichotomy.

Do you even know who you're talking to? How many threads have I started on the dangers of divisiveness and othering? I have no problems calling out that issue, when it actually exists. I'm glad that you recognize it as a problem that exists, but perhaps you can separate your misguided ramblings from the bandwagon now, they're getting it all sticky and hard to steer.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

If YOU actually read carefully, this thread is about a fictional product which, if used regularly, will turn you into a stereotype of the Dumb American Blob.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

[Doktor Howl]

If YOU actually read carefully, this thread is about a fictional product which, if used regularly, will turn you into a stereotype of the Dumb American Blob.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Herpaderp™:  More effective than real products!