Guilty as Charged, Your Honor

Doktor Howl · May 11, 2012, 04:29:10 PM

I know that I have done wrong. I know that I have broken laws. I just don't know which laws I have broken, because - and this is no criticism of the system, mind you - there are so many laws that I cannot possibly remember them all.

Again, please don't take this as a dig against the legal system. I know that we need laws. I know that Those People would rob me blind if there were no laws, and I know people would take drugs and run around trying to have sex with everything if there were no laws. It's just that I can't keep track of the laws, anymore. I probably commit 10 felonies a day, without even knowing it.

I am therefore, to some degree, guilty. I was born guilty, and I have not yet pursued the American Dream far enough to be innocent. Some people are born innocent, born to the manor, born to the resources and opportunities that guarantee innocence. If I work harder, put in more hours, I can perhaps obtain a degree of innocence...But for the moment, I am guilty and I know it.

There are others more guilty than I (Those People Walking, for example, which I am AGAINST), but this does not excuse my own iniquity and penury. To be poor is not only a crime, it's a sin. This is what the law really says, and what they say on TV news. It is what I am told every day, and who am I to argue?

And since I am guilty, then there is no reason for me to run around loose. So I live in the prison which is bounded by an ocean on each side, and prisons to the North and South (granted, the Northern one is minimum security, but it remains a prison just the same). The only consolation is that, because I am only moderately guilty, I have a more comfortable cell than many people do, and my sentence to life at hard labor has been less hard than it is on many others.

The trustees roam the prison, in black & white automobiles, checking to see if any of the convicts are out of line...Those who are, are thrown in special punishment wings if they are caught with drugs, or told a joke, or could not explain. They are not often seen again in the general population of the prison.

The wardens operate out of a semi-mythical place called Wall Street. They are not guilty, so they must arrange for those of us that are guilty to be watched over by the above-mentioned trustees. The trustees are interesting people, because they don't believe that they are themselves guilty. They are, of course, and they are just as much inmates as anyone else.

So, yes, I am guilty. What else could I be? And I am paying for my crimes in prison. Where else could I be?

Okay for now,
Dok

Freeky · May 11, 2012, 06:14:08 PM

Your honor, I apologize to the court for my misconduct and contempt. I have nothing but respect for you, Your Honor, but I know that the degree of my guiltiness is unforgivably insulting. I know that you are going to throw the book at me, and I respect your adherence to the laws. I know that you are going to make an example of me, and as well you should, because if you won't, then who would? I am more guilty than many people, and deserve to be treated as such. I can only hope that one day, I will attain a slightly less insulting degree of guiltiness, and be less contemptible to this court.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel · May 12, 2012, 01:06:58 AM

Holy shit, I really like this one! Nation-state as prison... that may be the most accurate analogy I've ever seen for it.

Anna Mae Bollocks · May 12, 2012, 01:48:58 AM

"IF POOR FOLKS WERE ANY GOOD, GOD WOULDA GAVE EM MONEY! NATURAL BORN KILLERS! LOCK EM UP!"

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. · May 12, 2012, 03:51:12 AM

This made me all tingly. They even already assign us numbers to better keep track of our comings and goings. My cage is pretty plush in that the bars don't rattle, but I can still see the Bulls cruising the cell block, their search lights prying through the blinds on my window waiting for me to slip up just one more time . . .

Telarus · May 13, 2012, 06:21:44 AM

This is really good. Permission to repost (w. attribution) to the Google+ Principia Discordia feed?

Doktor Howl · May 13, 2012, 08:03:59 AM

Quote from: Telarus on May 13, 2012, 06:21:44 AM
This is really good. Permission to repost (w. attribution) to the Google+ Principia Discordia feed?

Sure, now that I've corrected the horrible grammar error that fills me with shame.

Doktor Howl · May 13, 2012, 08:04:39 AM

Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on May 12, 2012, 01:06:58 AM
Holy shit, I really like this one! Nation-state as prison... that may be the most accurate analogy I've ever seen for it.

A prison is any place where you are not free.

Telarus · May 13, 2012, 10:57:50 AM

Cool, I'll post back here if I get any good reactions.

https://plus.google.com/b/105425470853437477566/105425470853437477566/posts/aD4CCryb3Pw

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Guilty as Charged, Your Honor