ATTN: New People

[Phox]

Dear Friends^TM*,

It seems to me that there are a number of you who have found this little patch of turf in recent months, and I have been less than fully active at times, so I have missed many introductions. Some of you who post regularly I have become familiar with through observation, if not interaction, and some of you I have merely seen posting once or twice and have not gotten a feel for you yet.

This is certainly an issue that needs correcting. For this reason, I have devised an elaborate and unnecessary way of implementing mutual understanding and community.

You are to fill out the following form, long hand, and mail it to your local representative (if any of you do not live in a demoratic republic, feel free to mail it to whomever you feel best represents your interest):
Name:
Rank:
Serial No.:
Age at time of conception:
Current favorite pastime:
Preferred clothing style:
Cologne/Perfume Flavor (not scent):
Color of southernmost wall in your place of residence:
Name and number of pets in your neighborhood or district:

This will tell me everything I need to know about you, when I get around to shaking down politicians for their lunch money.

Alternatively, you could say hello and open yourself to questioning, but that's dumb. Don't do that.

Love and kisses,
Doktor D. Jennifer Phox

[P3nT4gR4m]

Do not answer this, noobs - Phox is trying to pschometrically evaluate you - this never ends well

[Cain]

Name:  My real name is Niac

Rank: Marschall der DDR

Serial No.: "password1"

Age at time of conception: ~ 5.4 × 10−44 second

Current favorite pastime: Beetle Fighting

Preferred clothing style: 1714 Male Court Dress of the Mughal Empire

Cologne/Perfume Flavor (not scent): Peanut butter

Color of southernmost wall in your place of residence:  Cosmic latte

Name and number of pets in your neighborhood or district: 6.62606957(29)×10−3

[Triple Zero]

Hello dear Ph0x, the answer to most of your questions is:

"Green"

[Phox]

Cain: You don't count as a new person, though I think everyone here should be honored that you think that PD bests represents your interests.

Trip: What about the question to which the answer isn't Green? (and you DO count as a new person, since yuo've eveidently been gone for awhile, or something... I don't know).

P3nt: Quiet you! 

[EK WAFFLR]

Name: Make Waffles, Not War, Esq.
Rank: Wholly Bent.
Serial No.: LA8PV.
Age at time of conception: 1937 Chateau LaFitte.
Current favorite pastime: Whitefaced Clownery.
Preferred clothing style: Tweed.
Cologne/Perfume Flavor (not scent): Port.
Color of southernmost wall in your place of residence: Inside, white. Outside, yellow-y
Name and number of pets in your neighborhood or district: Fifteen.

[Deepthroat Chopra]

Must get paperwork in order -

Name: Sir
Rank: Pond Scum
Serial No.: 664 (Neighbour of the Beast)
Age at time of conception: I think some backwoods Whiskey was involved. Aged only a couple of hours.
Current favorite pastime: Spontaneous Human Combustion.
Preferred clothing style: Wot? The Seattle Grunge thing is over?
Cologne/Perfume Flavor (not scent): Wot? Haven't thought about it, in all honesty.
Color of southernmost wall in your place of residence: I think it's ochre.
Name and number of pets in your neighborhood or district: Hang on -- now I'm getting paranoid.

[Lenin McCarthy]

Name: The Hollow Earth hypothesis
Rank: Believed in by batshit esotericists
Serial No.: Avogadro's number
Age at time of conception: I must have been 5519 years, approximately.
Current favorite pastime: Being referenced to in Umberto Eco novels.
Preferred clothing style: I wear the crust of planet Earth.
Cologne/Perfume Flavor (not scent): No thanks.
Color of southernmost wall in your place of residence: The Universe has no walls.
Name and number of pets in your neighborhood or district: 1 +- infinity.

[NewSpag]

Do not answer this, noobs - Phox is trying to pschometrically evaluate you - this never ends well

With a ringing endorsement like that how can I refuse?

Name: Sic
Rank: Withheld per Zanthar's request
Serial No.: Corn Flakes No.
Age at time of Conception: My best bet is -10 years old.  It would explain my current state of maturity.
Current favourite pastime: Conversing win hobos.  Nephew Twiddleton especially.
Preferred clothing style: From the "clean" pile
Cologne/Perfume Flavor: B.O. #5
Color of southernmost wall in your place of residence: Transparent.
Name and number of pets in your neighborhood or district: 1 Richard "Rocky" Raccoon.