Dear Cainad, You Ineffable Shitcocking Bastard.

[Freeky]

In 2006, Dok Howl and an unknown number of companions traveled to various locations in redneck areas of the United States, including Pennsylvania, Maine, and New Hampshire, and introduced the locals to a bizarre "dessert" concoction that could only have been thought up by a researcher of Howl's caliber. The "Whoopie Pie" was introduced under the guise of a "local creation" in several locations simultaneously, in an insidious attempt to divide and conquer the Northeast over a completely retarded controversy.

You can't prove a fucking thing.  I was never in the swamps during that time period.  I have dozens of witnesses that will testify that I was beating protection money out of snowbirds for that whole year.

Oh sure, you might be safe now. Just wait until that little trick you do involving time zones comes to light.

It's not my fault you guys move your time back and forth twice a year.

This is true.  Dok is just taking that to its logical extreme.

[Cainad (dec.)]

I'll admit, some of my actions have been hasty and poorly thought out. I have acted rashly and on impulse, and some of my grander conspiracies have been a bit over-the-top.

In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to own up to the truth, and apologize for that time I made power scooters for landwhales eligible for Medicare assistance. I was angry, a little too drunk, and no one deserves that. I'd take it back if I could.

But you have to admit, it made for much better sport. And in these dark derp days, don't we need as many cheap yuks as possible?

[Freeky]

I would agree with you if harpoons were widely available in Tucson.  But they aren't.