Last Will & Testament, v1.0

[The Good Reverend Roger]

It occurs to me that I keep dying, but I never leave a will.  Let's fix that.

I, The Good Reverend Roger, being of sound mind and used-up body, hereby bequeath my possessions as follows:

To ECH, I leave my PM inbox full of PMs from various kooks, weirdos, and stalkers.  The good stuff is from pages 1-5, as when I "strain" my PM inbox, I always keep the good stuff.

To Epimetheus, I leave my boundless hate, rage, and contempt, because God knows he needs it.

To LMNO, a certain video will be sent to you via email by my executor.  You know the one.

To Nigel, I leave the entire city of Tucson, for use as she sees fit.

To Hoops, I leave my shares in Salazar Co™, and may they profit the bastard as much as they have profited me.

To Cain, I leave my collection of Roman history, Warren Ellis stuff, and Jonathan Hickman's The Nightly News.

To Stella, I leave my collection of horribly stained and shattered underwear.  These will go for a FORTUNE on Ebay, if you tell people they belonged to L Ron Hubbard.

To Richter, I leave 2 more anvils, which will be mailed to you.  And the church, in its entirety.

To Luna, I leave a blacksmith's mallet, which can be used as a correction device.

To Trip, I leave my extensive gun collection, in case the Germans start feeling frisky again.

To Waffle Iron, I leave my hair.  All of it.  Have it made into a Persian rug.  Or a tapestry.

To Twid, I leave my engineer boots.  You know what to do.

As for my mortal remains, I wish to have my appendix donated, and the rest burned down to carbon, mixed with iron, and made into a wrench that will be used to smite the unworthy.  IN THE NADS.

[Forsooth]

Can I have your CD's?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Can I have your CD's?

Yeah.  SEE DEEEEEZ NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTS!

[Forsooth]

Can I have your CD's?

Yeah.  SEE DEEEEEZ NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTS!

I shall make a sandwich with them

And keep it on the mantle

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Oh yes. I know what to do with the boots. I am honored.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh Tucson! What good times we will have!

E.O.T. and I have ideas about visiting Tucson sometime. Preferably when you're not dead.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Oh Tucson! What good times we will have!

E.O.T. and I have ideas about visiting Tucson sometime. Preferably when you're not dead.

Let me know in advance, and I'll check my obituary schedule.

[East Coast Hustle]

I think I made out like a bandit here.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh Tucson! What good times we will have!

E.O.T. and I have ideas about visiting Tucson sometime. Preferably when you're not dead.

Let me know in advance, and I'll check my obituary schedule.

It's a deal!

[Luna]

Oh Tucson! What good times we will have!

E.O.T. and I have ideas about visiting Tucson sometime. Preferably when you're not dead.

Let me know in advance, and I'll check my obituary schedule.

It's a deal!

I just spat water on my phone.  I dropped the phone awhile back, and am reading through a screen spiderwebbed with cracks.  I read "It's a duel."  The thought of TGRR and the Dark Empress engaged in a duel in the very heart of Tuscon made parts of my insides writhe with horror and glee.

[Luna]

Also, mallet, yay!  I know JUST where to start...

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Oh Tucson! What good times we will have!

E.O.T. and I have ideas about visiting Tucson sometime. Preferably when you're not dead.

Let me know in advance, and I'll check my obituary schedule.

It's a deal!

I just spat water on my phone.  I dropped the phone awhile back, and am reading through a screen spiderwebbed with cracks.  I read "It's a duel."  The thought of TGRR and the Dark Empress engaged in a duel in the very heart of Tuscon made parts of my insides writhe with horror and glee.

DO I LOOK LIKE I WAS BORN YESTERDAY?  SHE HAS 6 ARMS!

[Luna]

Oh Tucson! What good times we will have!

E.O.T. and I have ideas about visiting Tucson sometime. Preferably when you're not dead.

Let me know in advance, and I'll check my obituary schedule.

It's a deal!

I just spat water on my phone.  I dropped the phone awhile back, and am reading through a screen spiderwebbed with cracks.  I read "It's a duel."  The thought of TGRR and the Dark Empress engaged in a duel in the very heart of Tuscon made parts of my insides writhe with horror and glee.

DO I LOOK LIKE I WAS BORN YESTERDAY?  SHE HAS 6 ARMS!

But you've got...  um...

Shit...

Freeky to sneak up behind her, maybe?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Oh Tucson! What good times we will have!

E.O.T. and I have ideas about visiting Tucson sometime. Preferably when you're not dead.

Let me know in advance, and I'll check my obituary schedule.

It's a deal!

I just spat water on my phone.  I dropped the phone awhile back, and am reading through a screen spiderwebbed with cracks.  I read "It's a duel."  The thought of TGRR and the Dark Empress engaged in a duel in the very heart of Tuscon made parts of my insides writhe with horror and glee.

DO I LOOK LIKE I WAS BORN YESTERDAY?  SHE HAS 6 ARMS!

But you've got...  um...

Shit...

Freeky to sneak up behind her, maybe?

Yeah, right.  Freeky would trip me, Jenn would HELP, and all 3 of them would tapdance on my junk while EOT sat back and said

HEY
       Roger
I
       Told you so.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Thank you so much...the horribly stained and shattered underwear might fetch an even BIGGER price if I claim that they are still haunted by the spirit of L. Ron Hubbard. I imagine he really is there, even after laundering, in a faint, lingering sort of way.