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Urgh, this is what I hate about PD.com, it is the only site in existence where a perfectly good spam thread can be misused for high quality discussions.  I hate you all.

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MEANWHILE, in a Parallel Universe...

Started by tyrannosaurus vex, June 20, 2012, 10:38:54 PM

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tyrannosaurus vex

Roger slumped in his expensive leather executive chair, gazing jadedly across the expanse of the enormous ivory desk before him. The skin of his forehead creased and contracted slowly as he strained to keep his eyes open, hoping against all the likelihood that he would be able to see -- however dimly through the fog of what must be at least half an inch of cataract -- actually see this awful thing happen. He sighed, with a slight rattle. He knew it was over, and a crooked smirk cracked his age-spotted face.

Trembling, Roger's arm stretched out over the scattered pages on his desk, meandering somewhat aimlessly in the general direction of his pen. Eventually finding its target, he again furrowed his once mighty brow as he gave up all hope of continence and diverted his last spark of energy to the task that must now be completed.

Like a great granite block, the pen was raised by the thin and inadequate wisp of flesh that now substituted for Roger's arm. A grunt escaped his mouth alongside a strand of unnoticed drool; and Roger methodically printed out "THANK YOU NIGEL" on a scrap of parchment. He dropped the pen, and slumped again into his chair. He was exhausted; dying. The only thing that kept his skin from turning room temperature was the pure, burning hatred he felt -- had always felt. And now, at the end of his time, it was somehow stronger than it had ever been. Especially now that he knew Nigel had finally succeeded.

As his eyes glassed over and his breathing stopped, he felt the incense of his anger swell from somewhere next to his remaining kidney, irradiating his finished mortal coil with the heat of a thousand suns. As Roger passed away, a mere 213 years old, he gasped out his last words to an empty world: "VINDALOO!" As soon as he had spoken these words, the entire city of Miami-Dade was ignited, and engulfed in what CNN would later describe as "The first and and only known example of methane fission in history."
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Anna Mae Bollocks

That was wretched. But he did make it to 213 and incinerate Miami-Dade, so kind of a happy ending after all.
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

If I have anything to do with the destruction of any part of Florida, I approve.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

tyrannosaurus vex

I was going to write something smarmy about how PD has declined and how we should all band together like a bunch of Beatles fans and sing some god-awful song about togetherness... but it just turned out to be lame fanfic about real people. I'm ashamed and proud at the same time.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: v3x on June 21, 2012, 12:17:07 AM
I was going to write something smarmy about how PD has declined and how we should all band together like a bunch of Beatles fans and sing some god-awful song about togetherness... but it just turned out to be lame fanfic about real people. I'm ashamed and proud at the same time.

One note:  brows don't get less mighty with time.  Everything else does, but brows don't.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

tyrannosaurus vex

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 21, 2012, 12:40:22 AM
Quote from: v3x on June 21, 2012, 12:17:07 AM
I was going to write something smarmy about how PD has declined and how we should all band together like a bunch of Beatles fans and sing some god-awful song about togetherness... but it just turned out to be lame fanfic about real people. I'm ashamed and proud at the same time.

One note:  brows don't get less mighty with time.  Everything else does, but brows don't.

not usually, but in bizarro-universe Roger's case, there was an unfortunate run in with flesh-eating bacteria. It's in the unpublished prequel.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: V3X on June 21, 2012, 02:14:19 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 21, 2012, 12:40:22 AM
Quote from: v3x on June 21, 2012, 12:17:07 AM
I was going to write something smarmy about how PD has declined and how we should all band together like a bunch of Beatles fans and sing some god-awful song about togetherness... but it just turned out to be lame fanfic about real people. I'm ashamed and proud at the same time.

One note:  brows don't get less mighty with time.  Everything else does, but brows don't.

not usually, but in bizarro-universe Roger's case, there was an unfortunate run in with flesh-eating bacteria. It's in the unpublished prequel.

BEATS DIETING!
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.