GIT OFF MAH LEASED PROPERTY!

[Salty]

So, PD, I'm sitting here at the desk in MY NEW OFFICE. My FIRST OFFICE EVER! I get to be a massage therapist again. I've got a freaking window with a gorgeous view of mid-town Anchorage and mountains. I've got hot tea in mah belly and a brand-spanking new client tomorrow morning at nine am. My business cards are on the way and I really ought to be working on my website right now. The guy who is giving me space here is super awesome and it letting me give him a percentage until I get on my feet, which due to location he estimates to be about a month.

I am the happiest motherfucking clam in Clam Town, USA.

And I can't help but thank you*.

Because, in all seriousness, I would not be in this place without you horrible assholes.
I've been doing this shit for six years and this is the closest I've come to success.
What's kept me from that success?

Being a fucking moron, that's what. Wishful thinking, bland and blind optimism/pessimism yo-yoing back and forth, superstition, newage sewage and worse. THAT is what kept me from realizing that if I am going to own a business I have to heave my genitals in an upward direction and DO SHIT that's, you know, professional. You, and those fucking PIGS at American Telephone and Telegraph, also helped me realize what bullshit professionalism is. But it sure does make the flowers grow.

I could never deal with the public in the way I am going to, never assert myself or possess an ounce of self-confidence before. I probably could have found all that through some other means. In Alaska. Yeah.

And when I first found this place you made me so damned mad. Every time one of my precious ideas were threatened I would launch into a silent rage. But now...well now it's different, isn't it.

I AM A GOD DAMNED DISCORDIAN SUCCESS STORY.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: Fuck you, noobs who come in here and leave crying because you don't get it. That includes the people I foolishly sent here. It's easy

DISCORDIANISM MAKES YOU A BETTER PERSON.

So STFU and quit your whining.

NAO: TIME TO HUSTLE MY ASS RIGHT THE FUCK OFF TO MAKE RENT.


*Thank you.

[Kai]

I AM A GOD DAMNED DISCORDIAN SUCCESS STORY.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: Fuck you, noobs who come in here and leave crying because you don't get it. That includes the people I foolishly sent here. It's easy

DISCORDIANISM MAKES YOU A BETTER PERSON.

So STFU and quit your whining.

This is a Shining Endorsement.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I'm happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but you are only mostly correct. But I feel like you are slightly off on one key point. Discordianism does not save anyone.

Discordianism makes GOOD people BETTER. It also makes the WRONG people WORSE. It makes mediocre people more sharply mediocre (see: yours truly). It's a bit like alcohol, in that it will completely fucking the entire if you don't know how to use it correctly.

Seriously though CONGRATS MAN and I hope you make a BILLION DOLLARS massaging ... Alaskans.

[Salty]

I AM A GOD DAMNED DISCORDIAN SUCCESS STORY.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: Fuck you, noobs who come in here and leave crying because you don't get it. That includes the people I foolishly sent here. It's easy

DISCORDIANISM MAKES YOU A BETTER PERSON.

So STFU and quit your whining.

This is a Shining Endorsement.

Is that snark? Seems like snark.
ARE YOU SASSIN' ME?

I'm happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but you are only mostly correct. But I feel like you are slightly off on one key point. Discordianism does not save anyone.

Discordianism makes GOOD people BETTER. It also makes the WRONG people WORSE. It makes mediocre people more sharply mediocre (see: yours truly). It's a bit like alcohol, in that it will completely fucking the entire if you don't know how to use it correctly.

Seriously though CONGRATS MAN and I hope you make a BILLION DOLLARS massaging ... Alaskans.

I can agree with that. I just being a bit silly because...well, I've felt a bit silly the last couple days. It all happened fast.

Alaskans are super sexa-ok yeah no.

[Kai]

I may snark, but I do not sass.

[Freeky]

OH SNAP  ALTY'S GONNA ROYALLY FUCKING ALASKA FOREVER.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but you are only mostly correct. But I feel like you are slightly off on one key point. Discordianism does not save anyone.

Discordianism makes GOOD people BETTER. It also makes the WRONG people WORSE. It makes mediocre people more sharply mediocre (see: yours truly). It's a bit like alcohol, in that it will completely fucking the entire if you don't know how to use it correctly.

Seriously though CONGRATS MAN and I hope you make a BILLION DOLLARS massaging ... Alaskans.

Discordianism also makes fabulous people MORE FABULOUS.

[LMNO]

IM LIVING PROOF. I WANNA HAVE A KIKI.

[Freeky]

IM LIVING PROOF. I WANNA HAVE A KIKI.

LOCK THE DOORS, PULL DOWN THE SHADES, PUT ON YOUR HEELS!