THE HATE: PANGO BRINGS IT.

[PANGO!]

You know, YOU DOGS, sometimes I wonder what kind of filthy decomposing genetic soup coalesced around a broken lump of cosmic feces to spawn your pathetic fucking species. WHAT WAS IN IT, I wonder? Amino Acids? Yes. The building blocks of DNA? Yes. But WHAT ELSE? What was it about the sputtering, methane-smelling pool of geological piss on THIS WORLD that made you all come out so FUCKING RETARDED?

I, Dr. Pango Gillespi, have been hard at work these past two years to find out the answer to that very question. And do you know what I have found out so far? NOTHING AT ALL. That's right! THAT'S WHAT IT IS! I was scratching my head just like you might be now, you fucking ape, when it hit me. THE SPECIAL INGREDIENT IN YOUR GENETIC MAKEUP THAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL IS... NOTHING!

So for approximately four BILLION years, a snippet of simple genetic code has been reproducing itself over and over and over again, reorganizing itself, and MAGNIFYING THE EFFECTS of that PRIMORDIAL TRUTH. Down through untold generations of eating and being eaten, through the fires of volcanos and the deepest freezes of thousand-year ice ages, the nugget of your Human gene pool has passed as dung through the assholes of a hundred million extinct species; and finally, at long last, it has given rise to YOU.

You and every other FUCKING UNDESERVING DOG LIKE YOU. And everything you stand for, and every ability you have: The ability to rape. To KILL AND MURDER: SOMETIMES AT THE SAME TIME. Your AMAZING ability to ROLL OVER AND PLAY DEAD when the going gets MILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE. With every passing generation you fuckers refine your genetic code to a simple binary statement: 00. DOUBLE ZERO NOTHING. You turn DEFEAT into an ART FORM! GEORGE WASHINGTON WOULD BE PROUD, wouldn't he? GENGHIS KHAN too! To know that eventually his seed would filter through the centuries to produce THE HIPSTER. THE HIPPIE. ANN ROMNEY. She's YOUR cousin.

In realizing the history of the Human genome, one also realizes the future: YOU WILL ALL END UP EXACTLY WHERE YOU BEGAN. On a barren, lifeless rock, floating in the cosmos, without so much as a STRAY SPERM to recall what you thought was your greatness. I for one hope you UNDERSTAND and APPRECIATE the honor of knowing your future.

BUT DON'T BE DISMAYED! THE FUTURE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!

It just WILL.

[Deepthroat Chopra]

The bedside manner needs a little work, Doctor.

[Phox]

The bedside manner needs a little work, Doctor.

WRONG. This is exactly the sort of thing people need more of.

[Deepthroat Chopra]

The bedside manner needs a little work, Doctor.

WRONG. This is exactly the sort of thing people need more of.

Sure, other people of course.

[Phox]

The bedside manner needs a little work, Doctor.

WRONG. This is exactly the sort of thing people need more of.

Sure, other people of course.

Nope, EVERYONE. You. Me. This jerk. Everyone.

[Deepthroat Chopra]

OK, clowning about a bit. What I do like about the rant here is so much work goes into looking for that thing that makes us "special" (now it sounds like a disability unit), and in looking for ways to try and make other people feel worthwhile, when it's so much more enlightening to do the ole' "Look up at the at the Stars and feel your cosmic worthlessness'. Enlightening's probably the wrong word. Maybe "freeer of thought" is a better way of putting it.

An old hate of mine is self-esteem courses. Haven't done one, but have seen the results when, for example, a wife-beater is sent along to one, and learns that he too, has some sort of right to be accepted for who and what he is. Now, I'm a firm believer that self-esteem should be earned, and not taken as a right. If someone's a prize prick, well, why should they feel good about themselves? They probably should have someone like this chap constantly pointing and sneering at them pointing out what a prick they are.

"Oh, but this guy only hits women because of poor self-esteem!"

PISS OFF! He does it because he's a power-mongering prick in a society that sanctions power-mongering prick behaviour, and he wants his piece! Why should he have self-belief, when I don't even have it! I've even won awards!

But yes, there's more reflection on the meaninglessness of it all needed.

[East Coast Hustle]

You seem to think there are exemptions. People who don't need this sort of abusive reality check.

You're wrong.

[East Coast Hustle]

In fact, I'd say that the people who don't think they need this are the ones that need it the most.

[PANGO!]

OK, clowning about a bit. What I do like about the rant here is so much work goes into looking for that thing that makes us "special" (now it sounds like a disability unit), and in looking for ways to try and make other people feel worthwhile, when it's so much more enlightening to do the ole' "Look up at the at the Stars and feel your cosmic worthlessness'. Enlightening's probably the wrong word. Maybe "freeer of thought" is a better way of putting it.

An old hate of mine is self-esteem courses. Haven't done one, but have seen the results when, for example, a wife-beater is sent along to one, and learns that he too, has some sort of right to be accepted for who and what he is. Now, I'm a firm believer that self-esteem should be earned, and not taken as a right. If someone's a prize prick, well, why should they feel good about themselves? They probably should have someone like this chap constantly pointing and sneering at them pointing out what a prick they are.

"Oh, but this guy only hits women because of poor self-esteem!"

PISS OFF! He does it because he's a power-mongering prick in a society that sanctions power-mongering prick behaviour, and he wants his piece! Why should he have self-belief, when I don't even have it! I've even won awards!

But yes, there's more reflection on the meaninglessness of it all needed.

IT IS PERHAPS FITTING THAT YOU MISINTERPRETED, PLANKTONBRAIN. In fact life is not MEANINGLESS at ALL. It is grand. And it is beautiful. It is also magnificent and GLORIOUS. Pango's point is that YOU AND YOUR BARBIES AND YOUR SUVs simply do not rise to the level of comprehending, MUCH LESS DESERVING, life.

In other words you are pigs and cattle.

(No offense to pigs and cattle intended.)

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Pango, tell me a story.

A story about Generalissimo Enrico, bless his dear departed soul.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I offer you this in payment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eKnSGn914M&list=LLsk_OP9lRurIsRJuwckqtJQ&feature=mh_lolz

[Freeky]

I offer you this in payment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eKnSGn914M&list=LLsk_OP9lRurIsRJuwckqtJQ&feature=mh_lolz

I'm in LOVE. <3

[Eater of Clowns]

Pango, tell me a story.

A story about Generalissimo Enrico, bless his dear departed soul.

I heard that if Pango and Enrico ever met, the sheer glory would level a hemisphere.

I heard that if they touched, even for a handshake, our genetic code would retroactively immunize us against all viruses, then create a super virus just for kicks.

I heard that if they had a baby it would be sentient hair and cigar smoke with an affinity for Elvis.

[PANGO!]

Pango, tell me a story.

A story about Generalissimo Enrico, bless his dear departed soul.

I heard that if Pango and Enrico ever met, the sheer glory would level a hemisphere.

I heard that if they touched, even for a handshake, our genetic code would retroactively immunize us against all viruses, then create a super virus just for kicks.

I heard that if they had a baby it would be sentient hair and cigar smoke with an affinity for Elvis.

YOUR MISGUIDED ADMIRATION IS SWEET. UNFORTUNATELY WHEN PANGO MET ENRICO THE ONLY THING THAT WAS LEVELED WAS SMALL ANONYMOUS TOWN IN UKRAINE.

STORY FORTHCOMING.

[Eater of Clowns]

LATHER ME IN YOUR DELICIOUS STORY JUICES, PANGO.