Superpower Secrets!

[MMMW]

As you might already know, I’m a dumb lazy turd with a short attention span. So just tell me - what’s the secret to unlocking the universe? Is there a secret code I can enter into my keyboard that allows me to just win at life already? What’s the answer to love, success, happiness and unlimited POWER?

Is it activating Dolphin Consciousness by masturbating to sigils?

Do I need to sacrifice a virgin to the Dark Lords?

Are there magic crystals in Rhonda Byrne’s vagina I can just buy?

Is it simply the fact that a sucker is born every minute and you can sell anything?

Is the secret that there is no secret?

Do I need to drink the jizz of a Satanic orgy?

Good books, good friends and good acid?

42?

420+69?

Tell me! I needs to know!

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Think for yourself, schmuck.

[MMMW]

Think for yourself, schmuck.

Aaaaand the thread's dead.

Back to my cave. Until next time!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

As you might already know, I'm a dumb lazy turd with a short attention span. So just tell me - what's the secret to unlocking the universe? Is there a secret code I can enter into my keyboard that allows me to just win at life already? What's the answer to love, success, happiness and unlimited POWER?

Go outside.  Talk to a girl.  Or a boy.  Whichever.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Also, the sheer absurdity of coming HERE for help in not being a dumbass strikes me as hilarious.  I mean, we're the biggest dumbasses on the planet.  But I suppose if you're dumb, you have quite a conundrum...You don't know who to ask for advice, because, well...You're dumb.

So you drunkenly log into PD, and ask us what's the secret of life, or how to live your life successfully without, apparently, leaving the couch. 

In lieu of my original advice, I suggest instead that you start a Deviantart account, and post some home-drawn yiff porn.  This will get all manner of geeks to talk to you, and you'll be able to pretend that you have a life.  In addition, I suggest you go to OKCupid, and say rotten misogynist things to women to vent your rage at your non-existent chances of getting any nookie.

And when you reach the finish line, at about age 55, wheezing your way to an early grave from heart congestion and the beetus, you can happily sulk away your remaining hours in a fit of pique about how unfair the fucking world was to you, because it was supposed to reward your lack of initiative and effort with all the things everyone else has to work for to obtain.

I hope that answers your question, and I think that it is time that you SHUT UP and when you're done SHUTTING UP, then you can SHUT UP some more.

See you in the cardiac ward,
TDRR

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Showers help a little in some cases.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Showers help a little in some cases.

Not for the willfully stupid.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Showers help a little in some cases.

Not for the willfully stupid.

This is true. 

Also, no amount of BRUT or showing up at the door with a 12 pack of Bud Light will help.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Showers help a little in some cases.

Not for the willfully stupid.

This is true. 

Also, no amount of BRUT or showing up at the door with a 12 pack of Bud Light will help.

GET OUT OF THAT TOWN WHILE YOU STILL CAN, STELLA!

[MMMW]

All very good advice! I'll be talking to girls in no time!

I was trying to start a funny thread of bullshit that could potentially bear wisdom. Perhaps that requires being funny and wise. I'll work on this.

Until then, enjoy my anal leakage.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

All very good advice! I'll be talking to girls in no time!

I was trying to start a funny thread of bullshit that could potentially bear wisdom. Perhaps that requires being funny and wise. I'll work on this.

Until then, enjoy my anal leakage.

Yeah, great.  See you around.

[Bruno]

Did you try consulting your prostate gland?

[hooplala]

As you might already know, I'm a dumb lazy turd with a short attention span. So just tell me - what's the secret to unlocking the universe?

Knowing the secret code, of course.

Is there a secret code I can enter into my keyboard that allows me to just win at life already?

I just said there was, you don't read so good, do you?

What's the answer to love,

Maple Bacon.

success,

Timing.

happiness

Lowered expectations, and understanding the use of the serial comma.

and unlimited POWER?

Good looks, money, maple bacon, understanding the use of the serial comma, and lowered expectations.

Is it activating Dolphin Consciousness by masturbating to sigils?

No, it's just kinky.

Do I need to sacrifice a virgin to the Dark Lords?

Of course you do, yadda yadda omelet eggs, etc etc etc.

Are there magic crystals in Rhonda Byrne's vagina I can just buy?

Those aren't crystals, but you can buy them, sure...

Is it simply the fact that a sucker is born every minute and you can sell anything?

That, and credit.

Is the secret that there is no secret?

No, the secret is that the answer is boring.

Do I need to drink the jizz of a Satanic orgy?

You misheard... it's the jazz of a Semitic organist.

Good books, good friends and good acid?

You forgot good gravy.

42?

Yes, that number exists.

420+69?

No, that is not the equation which will produce it.

Tell me! I needs to know!

I just did... you really DON'T read so good, do you?  Jesus. 

[Faust]

The trick to unlocking the universe is know what you can do, what you can wing and what to walk away from.