Introductions, part V: Don't Say We Never Warned You.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Congrats. The odds of that are slightly less than hitting the Megabucks.

Which?  Of saving the heathen swine over at FB?

Probably.  It's a good thing I'm not in the salvation business.  That gets you nailed to a stick, or shot, or even winding up living in something like Graceland.  The mind boggles in horror.

If Elvis lived in this century, would he still shoot televisions?

He'd never stop.

He was a titan among men.

Careful. I could come away from this with a shred of hope for humanity.

[Mr. MumboJumbo]

High Holy Shit! So many replies...this place is worse...er, sorry...better than FB.

Also, where do you people keep all the cute cat pics?

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,30523.0.html

Oh thanks! My cat has a vagina though, which is even worse than loosing the use of a penis.

Hi, new guy!

Hey thanks for having me!

Well hello there and welcome to my first post.
I'm Steve, and I joined mainly to stalk The Good Reverend, who I really, REALLY hate. Thanks for creating this great welcome thread BTW, it makes it a lot easier to get started.
Where were you yesterday? I spent all day doing drugs and posting in that FB group. I thought you said you were going to AT LEAST give us one hour of hate a night? I'm your biggest fan over there, and you're the best thing to happen there in a long time. Don't forsake us, shake us. They (we) need it.
Anyways, I've spent most of the last 3 or 4 years on FB amassing a friend list of "Thuthers" because it was the first time I'd been exposed to the public version of 'alternative viewpoints', being one of those 'in the shadows' types before then. I've since learned that "Truthers" are just butthurt troglodytes who'll believe anything that fits their agenda. So I just started focusing on the discordian page...mostly screwing around...having light fun with the other members...then The Good Rev showed up and laid down the Hammer! Man, he came off as a prick at first but I had to ask myself, "Do I deserve this?", and the answer came up [MAYBE]. I also think I'm the only one there that's recognized his hate to really be a form of love, so I now consider myself one of his "Subordinates" Well, sort of.
He looks like a big, snuggly teddy bear doesn't he?
Ok well, other than that glad to be here, and don't EVER go easy on me (not telling you what to do).

Welcome aboard, Steve.  It's not me you have to look out for, it's Nigel.  She's a bad person, and she's right about fucking everything, which violates my white male American privilege in ways that leave me bow-legged and in need of one of those prostate replacement thingies they make out of teflon.

Here's what you're going to find here, if you look hard enough, or just get silly and ask:

1.  About a dozen books written since the Principia Discordia.
2.  Thousands of pages of rants and sermons.  10 years worth of hollering and carrying on, with no character limits.
3.  Hundreds of pages of complaints concerning Nigel and "The Crippler".
4.  REAL kooks.  Not the good the kind.  Most have gone the way of the dodo, but the subforum "The Peanut Gallery" has more sick laughs per page than anything I've ever seen on the interbutt supermarket to date.
5.  Horrorology.

Essentially, it's "slightly longer attention span theater", which is why 80% of our user base fucked off to various Facebook pages.

Also, shut up.

Hey Bud! Thanks for the warm welcome.
You know, when you mentioned "Nigel" as my possible ID on FB...I didn't say anything, cause I got the smarts, but you freaked me out a bit. For many years there's been two "Steve"s in my group of friends, and we decided to nickname the other one "Nigel" for simplicity's sake. For a few (fun) minutes I thought you were some sort of CIA remote viewer or something. Well, you might still be, I just haven't proved it yet.
Who's this Nigel person? I'm not afraid of him/her/it/you. In fact, I bet he/she/it/you'll really like me. In fact, I guarantee it! (guarantee not valid outside of Canada)

Hey there Steve! I am Trisha and I have to admit I totally skipped over my intro, I just kind of dove in taking over a friends spot.

Glad to have you hear and as was said, the pool's on the roof and if I may do some self promotion, please check out the links on my sig and also on the sig of LMNO for some awesome stuff.

Squeak at ya later! 

Hi!!!

Congrats. The odds of that are slightly less than hitting the Megabucks.

Which?  Of saving the heathen swine over at FB?

Probably.  It's a good thing I'm not in the salvation business.  That gets you nailed to a stick, or shot, or even winding up living in something like Graceland.  The mind boggles in horror.

If Elvis lived in this century, would he still shoot televisions?

He'd never stop.

He was a titan among men. 

FB's like a big fishing pond...there's lots of crap in there but if you have the bait and the time, you might find a keeper, like me.

[Cain]

You know, when you mentioned "Nigel" as my possible ID on FB...I didn't say anything, cause I got the smarts, but you freaked me out a bit. For many years there's been two "Steve"s in my group of friends, and we decided to nickname the other one "Nigel" for simplicity's sake. For a few (fun) minutes I thought you were some sort of CIA remote viewer or something. Well, you might still be, I just haven't proved it yet.

No, you can be sure no-one here is on any sort of government payroll of any kind.

[LMNO]

We promise.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

High Holy Shit! So many replies...this place is worse...er, sorry...better than FB.

You should have seen it from 2006-2010. 

Who's this Nigel person? I'm not afraid of him/her/it/you. In fact, I bet he/she/it/you'll really like me. In fact, I guarantee it! (guarantee not valid outside of Canada)

You will be.

Nigel is the reason Sasquatches hide.  They know.  They KNOW.

I mean, it would be hard for them NOT to, right?  Every spring, she goes running through the woods in Oregon, wearing nothing but The Crippler and a GRIN, doing things to the poor bastards that are best left undescribed.  Which is why they all quietly left the Pacific Northwest, and took up residence in WalMart stores across the country.  You'll find them in the "Adult Needs" aisle, looking for ways to remedy their problems.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The other problem with Nigel, of course, is that there's way too many of her.

[Don Coyote]

You know, when you mentioned "Nigel" as my possible ID on FB...I didn't say anything, cause I got the smarts, but you freaked me out a bit. For many years there's been two "Steve"s in my group of friends, and we decided to nickname the other one "Nigel" for simplicity's sake. For a few (fun) minutes I thought you were some sort of CIA remote viewer or something. Well, you might still be, I just haven't proved it yet.

No, you can be sure no-one here is on any sort of government payroll of any kind.

We promise.

The other problem with Nigel, of course, is that there's way too many of her.

That is why I live up here and never travel south anymore.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You know, when you mentioned "Nigel" as my possible ID on FB...I didn't say anything, cause I got the smarts, but you freaked me out a bit. For many years there's been two "Steve"s in my group of friends, and we decided to nickname the other one "Nigel" for simplicity's sake. For a few (fun) minutes I thought you were some sort of CIA remote viewer or something. Well, you might still be, I just haven't proved it yet.

No, you can be sure no-one here is on any sort of government payroll of any kind.

We promise.

The other problem with Nigel, of course, is that there's way too many of her.

That is why I live up here and never travel south anymore.

I fucking TOLD you to get out while the getting was good.  But would you listen?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

So now you're stuck in Seattle, and you have nobody to blame but yourself.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I get busy for a day and WTF is going on in here? 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I get busy for a day and WTF is going on in here? 

I was only telling him about the Sasquatches.

For which you oughta be ashamed.  Poor gigantic hairy bipeds.

Um.

Wait.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Well hello there and welcome to my first post.
I'm Steve, and I joined mainly to stalk The Good Reverend, who I really, REALLY hate. Thanks for creating this great welcome thread BTW, it makes it a lot easier to get started.
Where were you yesterday? I spent all day doing drugs and posting in that FB group. I thought you said you were going to AT LEAST give us one hour of hate a night? I'm your biggest fan over there, and you're the best thing to happen there in a long time. Don't forsake us, shake us. They (we) need it.
Anyways, I've spent most of the last 3 or 4 years on FB amassing a friend list of "Thuthers" because it was the first time I'd been exposed to the public version of 'alternative viewpoints', being one of those 'in the shadows' types before then. I've since learned that "Truthers" are just butthurt troglodytes who'll believe anything that fits their agenda. So I just started focusing on the discordian page...mostly screwing around...having light fun with the other members...then The Good Rev showed up and laid down the Hammer! Man, he came off as a prick at first but I had to ask myself, "Do I deserve this?", and the answer came up [MAYBE]. I also think I'm the only one there that's recognized his hate to really be a form of love, so I now consider myself one of his "Subordinates" Well, sort of.
He looks like a big, snuggly teddy bear doesn't he?
Ok well, other than that glad to be here, and don't EVER go easy on me (not telling you what to do).

JESUS FUCK I MISSED ALL THAT?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I get busy for a day and WTF is going on in here? 

I was only telling him about the Sasquatches.

For which you oughta be ashamed.  Poor gigantic hairy bipeds.

Um.

Wait.

Watch your step, there's only a couple mountain ranges and a desert between me and you, bub.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I get busy for a day and WTF is going on in here? 

I was only telling him about the Sasquatches.

For which you oughta be ashamed.  Poor gigantic hairy bipeds.

Um.

Wait.

Watch your step, there's only a couple mountain ranges and a desert between me and you, bub.

I thought about that, so I had 3/4" plate welded across my butt.

Copromesis:  A small price to pay.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I get busy for a day and WTF is going on in here? 

I was only telling him about the Sasquatches.

For which you oughta be ashamed.  Poor gigantic hairy bipeds.

Um.

Wait.

Watch your step, there's only a couple mountain ranges and a desert between me and you, bub.

I thought about that, so I had 3/4" plate welded across my butt.

Copromesis:  A small price to pay.

FOILED.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Pooping all over the hilariously uptight people on the Discordian Society FB group as we speak.