Sermon # Whatever: I fucking hate you. Die.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Thing about Discordianism…It’s not supposed to be a read-only device.  Unlike other religions, it requires that YOU mouth off even more than the preacher man does.  It is not television.  It is not radio.  It is not a book.  It is not a “feed bag for the mind”. IT IS NOT AN INPUT DEVICE THAT YOU STRAP ONTO YOUR BRAIN. 

Cue the excuses.  No, wait, fuck the excuses.  If you’ve got time to lurk, you’ve got time to fucking post.  If you were busy, you wouldn’t be VIEWING all fucking day, you’d be out doing whatever it is that is making you too busy.  If you don’t know what to say, then TRY USING THAT GRAY SHIT BETWEEN YOUR EARS.  That’s WHAT IT’S FOR!  UNNNNG!

Apparently, I piss people off when I say things like that.  Too fucking bad.  You NEED to be pissed off, you complacent lumps of Goddamn glorp.  Other people get pissed, I have been told, because “they only come by once a month and don’t want to see this shit”.  WATCH ME NOT CARE.  If we’re only good enough for once a month, then we’re obviously not good enough to worry about what you see when you deign to grace us with your fucking presence every few weeks.

I hate the humans, because they are walking bags of wasted potential.  By that definition, most people here are merely human.  You’re obviously intelligent, but allowing yourselves to turn into receive-only devices means that you have no advantage over stupid people.  You have absolutely no advantage over the people who spend every evening parked in front of the fucking couch, watching America’s Most Inane Home Videos or Haunted Whatever The Fuck It Is This Week.

Either you’re a superior mutant, or you’re a consumer.  Being a “consumer”, of course, is not only restricted to buying whatever fucking gizmo that They say you just HAVE to have this week.  No.  What it IS, is a person who accepts input at all times, regardless of what that input is.  It could be whatever trash they’re selling for money, or it could be whatever trash costs you your fucking soul.  It could be this fucking rant, for that matter.

Does that piss you off?  Are you ANNOYED with The Good Reverend?  GOOD.  Maybe that will help you WAKE THE FUCK UP and RIP OUT THE GODDAMN FEEDING TUBE that The Spider has installed everywhere, including this damn church.  Hate on me all you fucking like, if that helps you GET OFF THE FIGURATIVE COUCH AND START HOLLERING YOUR GUTS UP.

My mother told me, “When the rock hits you, holler.”  Well, brothers and sisters, we live in a fucking HAIL STORM of rocks, and I don’t hear many of you hollering.  No.  I hear you wheezing a little as you view non-existent "new posts".

You now have four (4) choices:

1.  You can tell me what your excuses are.  I don’t care.  You can also tell me that “you have to digest this a bit”.  Bullshit.  That means you can’t make yourself say anything.  Or you can tell me what an asshole I am, and how I’m The Cancer That Is Killing PD.  Yeah, right, whatever.  The place is fucking terminal anyway.

2.  You can pretend you never saw this, and go back to staring at your monitor.  Good doggie.

3.  You can get mad and leave, like Demosquid.  Well, at least you’ll have one less way to lie to yourself, and you might eventually start THINKING FOR YOURSELF, while you bitterly curse my name and tell everyone who killed Discordianism with his angry, howling rants (which were just fine until they were aimed your way).  It's still better than convincing yourself that you're not as grey as Jeffrey Dahmer's last date.

4.  You can RIP OUT THE FEEDING TUBE and HOWL YOUR GUTS OUT, like the Goddamn mutant you were BORN TO BE.  Obviously, this may require working past a little butthurt, so some might not manage it.

If I had my fucking way, I’d fold this piece of shit up and chuck it into the ashcan of Usenet, alongside alt.discordianism and alt.slack, the other great failed attempts.  Because it HAS failed…And the CoN didn’t even have to DO anything, because WE DID IT TO OURSELVES.

CONGRATULATIONS, MONKEYS.  YOU FUCKED YOURSELF BEFORE THE MACHINE™ COULD FUCK YOU OVER.  That’s like a nerdy kid making fun of himself before the Cool Kids could do it.

Way to go.

Or Kill Me Some More.

[Payne]

Discordianism oughta be the kind thing you do when you're perfectly drunk, only you do it when you're coldly sober. It oughta be the person a Scotsman becomes when he evolves past the mamallian analogue of a gecko to a t-rex.

I choose when to speak anything of substance, but I never choose to not say something when I can do. I'm an asshole that way. I'm surprised they don't make a permanent record of it on my File.

I love the silliness too much to ever give it up, or even often indulge only in it. But fuck, you gotta bite those words off or you will choke on them. Shit your hate or you will die.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Discordianism oughta be the kind thing you do when you're perfectly drunk, only you do it when you're coldly sober. It oughta be the person a Scotsman becomes when he evolves past the mamallian analogue of a gecko to a t-rex.

I choose when to speak anything of substance, but I never choose to not say something when I can do. I'm an asshole that way. I'm surprised they don't make a permanent record of it on my File.

I love the silliness too much to ever give it up, or even often indulge only in it. But fuck, you gotta bite those words off or you will choke on them. Shit your hate or you will die.

And that's exactly it:  Most members now contain their hate.  They are here to be entertained, while they strain like mad bastards to hold their shit in.  They say "I never know what to say" or "I feel intimidated" or whatever.  What they're REALLY saying is "I am small, and I LIKE being small.  Please feed me something edgy or angry and like that so that I can imagine what it's like to NOT be small.  But I only want to imagine it because the world is scary and you can hide if you're small".

You and I, on the other hand, are LARGE.  Our asses alone have small aircraft trapped in orbit.  The smallest of our butt-nuggets would crush an ore hauler.  My mouth is so fucking big, I can fill a 5 gallon bucket with the FIRST BURP UP of my spew.

Small is for monkeys.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Kind of sad when you can poke people with a damn stick and they don't even say "Hey, fuck you!"

[Juana]

I think I fixed my rage button (LA broke it, some how) and I choose door number four. I have a rant a-brewin' and an entry for the BIP2012 I need to write, which I suspect falls into this vein.

[Phox]

Therein lies the problem, of course. If no on responds to a thread (any given thread), people get upset. If someone responds with a one-liner without contributing, people get upset. It's the odd double standard. I mean, "better than just posting mittens" doesn't seem to be enough anymore. Everyone's afraid of not living up to an ideal of the past, or legitimately have no thoughts other than "I vaguely agree with this sentiment."

On the other side of the coin, there's the problem with people getting involved in a thread, and then staying in that one single thread. And nobody wants to leave that thread. And then people complain that the conversation's only in one thread. But can you really blame them? "Hey, here's an interesting thing to talk about And people are responding! Let's keep the conversation going!"

Ultimately though, spitting at the wall is... just that. And we all know that half the time that's what you'll be doing, posting here. But the question is, why do it? For me, it's pretty simple. I have fun, get to read all kinds of interesting things, and when the stars are aligned properly and some one has remembered to make the appropriate sacrices on my dark altar, I rise from R'lyeh and write something. Sometimes I feel like I'm being ignored, but hey. I'd rather write and get it out and have it go unnoticed than run around with a scream with no mouth. Maybe it's just me, though.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

or legitimately have no thoughts other than "I vaguely agree with this sentiment."

If you agree with 80% of what I say, great.  If you agree with 100% of what I say, get your damn head examined.

And it's that 20% that releases the Holiness™ when you whack it.

[AFK]

I agree with the assessment of Discordianism and that it isn't meant to be a passive thing and that people need to get off of their thumbs and do something about all of this fucked up shit. 

I just don't agree with the assessment that if we aren't all doing it HERE, it isn't happening.  Or at least that is the implication I am reading, but I will admit I could be reading it wrong. 

Most of my Discordia happens in meat space these days.  That's just the way my life is set up right now.  Sucks for the board, I know, but it can't be helped until someone drops a big wad of dough in my lap and I can give up my day job. 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I agree with the assessment of Discordianism and that it isn't meant to be a passive thing and that people need to get off of their thumbs and do something about all of this fucked up shit. 

I just don't agree with the assessment that if we aren't all doing it HERE, it isn't happening.  Or at least that is the implication I am reading, but I will admit I could be reading it wrong. 

Most of my Discordia happens in meat space these days.  That's just the way my life is set up right now.  Sucks for the board, I know, but it can't be helped until someone drops a big wad of dough in my lap and I can give up my day job.

I am speaking only to what happens here.

And if people have become passive HERE, where there's no risk, then I can safely infer, I think, that they're passive EVERYWHERE ELSE.

[Lenin McCarthy]

My excuse is that I'm still a bit afraid of being shouted at for having wrong opinions, which I can attribute to being bullied in middle school and what not. But the facts are, I've learned lots of stuff, probably most stuff, the times I've voiced my badly thought-out opinions or broken rules. So fuck my excuse.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My excuse is that I'm still a bit afraid of being shouted at for having wrong opinions, which I can attribute to being bullied in middle school and what not.

You aren't in middle school anymore.

Incidentally, horrible revenge for long ago bullying is encouraged in The Church.

[Phox]

or legitimately have no thoughts other than "I vaguely agree with this sentiment."

If you agree with 80% of what I say, great.  If you agree with 100% of what I say, get your damn head examined.

And it's that 20% that releases the Holiness™ when you whack it.

Oh sure, but how many people have the reproductive organs to stand up and go?

"Hey yo, Roger, I see where you're coming from, and I gotta say, you pretty much got that shit, but there's this little thing that's bothering me with. So, here's the deal: *insert issue here*"?

Let's face it, you're awesome. In the sense you inspire awe, the kind that's in "awful". And very many people here have been put on shelves in people's minds where the person in question that they just don't disagree with certain people. EVEN IF THEY DO. They just think "oh, well, it was probably a miscommunication" or worse "Ah, I'm just wrong, and they are obviously right". I admit, I have been guilty of this myself, and I certainly will be again. After all, I'm only human.

But that's no reason not to make an attempt to recognize it, and by doing so correct it. Of course, speaking up, at any given time, takes a lot. Especially when it's people you respect. But maybe it's about time that we take a good hard look at ourselves. Are we hear to repeat fancy slogans like "Think For Yourself, Schmuck"? Are we here to praise Roger and Payne, and listen to Poppa ECH tell us stories about being on a boat? Ring our hands over the Ain't-It-Awfuls (not gonna lie, that one's WAY to prevalent these days)? What are we REALLY doing, anyway?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

or legitimately have no thoughts other than "I vaguely agree with this sentiment."

If you agree with 80% of what I say, great.  If you agree with 100% of what I say, get your damn head examined.

And it's that 20% that releases the Holiness™ when you whack it.

Oh sure, but how many people have the reproductive organs to stand up and go?

"Hey yo, Roger, I see where you're coming from, and I gotta say, you pretty much got that shit, but there's this little thing that's bothering me with. So, here's the deal: *insert issue here*"?

Let's face it, you're awesome. In the sense you inspire awe, the kind that's in "awful". And very many people here have been put on shelves in people's minds where the person in question that they just don't disagree with certain people. EVEN IF THEY DO. They just think "oh, well, it was probably a miscommunication" or worse "Ah, I'm just wrong, and they are obviously right". I admit, I have been guilty of this myself, and I certainly will be again. After all, I'm only human.

But that's no reason not to make an attempt to recognize it, and by doing so correct it. Of course, speaking up, at any given time, takes a lot. Especially when it's people you respect. But maybe it's about time that we take a good hard look at ourselves. Are we hear to repeat fancy slogans like "Think For Yourself, Schmuck"? Are we here to praise Roger and Payne, and listen to Poppa ECH tell us stories about being on a boat? Ring our hands over the Ain't-It-Awfuls (not gonna lie, that one's WAY to prevalent these days)? What are we REALLY doing, anyway?

FACT:  As awful and wretched as I may be, I cannot actually punch anyone through the interbutts.  I know this, because I have tried it...At great cost to myself in replacement plasma screens.

I am the SAFEST ape to poke, because I can't reach through the bars.

If someone can't deal with me on PD, they can't deal with anything, anywhere.

[Payne]

Discordianism oughta be the kind thing you do when you're perfectly drunk, only you do it when you're coldly sober. It oughta be the person a Scotsman becomes when he evolves past the mamallian analogue of a gecko to a t-rex.

I choose when to speak anything of substance, but I never choose to not say something when I can do. I'm an asshole that way. I'm surprised they don't make a permanent record of it on my File.

I love the silliness too much to ever give it up, or even often indulge only in it. But fuck, you gotta bite those words off or you will choke on them. Shit your hate or you will die.

And that's exactly it:  Most members now contain their hate.  They are here to be entertained, while they strain like mad bastards to hold their shit in.  They say "I never know what to say" or "I feel intimidated" or whatever.  What they're REALLY saying is "I am small, and I LIKE being small.  Please feed me something edgy or angry and like that so that I can imagine what it's like to NOT be small.  But I only want to imagine it because the world is scary and you can hide if you're small".

You and I, on the other hand, are LARGE.  Our asses alone have small aircraft trapped in orbit.  The smallest of our butt-nuggets would crush an ore hauler.  My mouth is so fucking big, I can fill a 5 gallon bucket with the FIRST BURP UP of my spew.

Small is for monkeys.

Small is for too distracted. It's for over stimulated and unfocused. It's for burned out before you burned bright, not on the grand lifetime scale, but on the daily grind scale.

It's for feeling tired and irritable when you've got only an hour into your day.

It's for GOD DAMN PLEASE WAKE UP I SCREAM INTO EMPTY AIR AGAIN.

[Payne]

After all, I'm only human.

After all, I'm only human.

After all, I'm only human.

And after all, I'm not.

Or really have no wish to be.