My roommate is slowing killing me with biological warfare.

[Suu]

It started last week with an annoying rash on my leg.

"Maybe it's poison ivy?" Navyguy asked.

No, I'm not allergic to poison ivy. I am, however, allergic to lots of things, some things I don't even know of, that will make me rash out. So I throw some prescription steroid ointment on it, take a couple of Benedryl and go comatose for 12 hours solid.

I also noticed I was feeling croupy. Now, returning from Pennsic can do this, and going to New York City shortly after isn't something that can help, so I chalk it up to rapid air quality changes affecting my asthma reflecting the swamp gas from Venus or whatever...and leave it be. Nope. I come home to Providence today and my lungs start BURNING. Like, bronchitis burning, but I only typically get bronchitis after a cold, and I don't feel sick, just, well, chest congested.

And itchy.

WTF itchy?!

I look at small patches of hives forming in familiar places on my body. Chest is always shellfish, but thighs are always...oh god. Not that, anything but that. That...that will KILL ME. I think to myself, "How did I get exposed to mold?"

There's some mildew in the bathroom. It happens, and mostly I've gotten to it before it got bad...roommate has been attempting to clean kitchen tops with vinegar and failing, as hippies with training wheels don't understand that the shit DOESN'T WORK ON CAKED ON GREASE. She did the dishes, amazingly, though leaving mine as she always does. Why does she do that? I always wash hers...

Then my thoughts go to the fridge, and her inability to clean that out on a regular basis. I dump my leftovers in a week, yet I opened a sour cream container in there that was hers and it was green last week.

Last week.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Not to mention the bags and bags of "compost" she has in there. Who the FUCK composts in the fridge? I understand we live in the city, I understand our backyard is a driveway, but for FUCKS sake, I've told her a million times I'm severely allergic to mold and NOT to do it! I go away for 2 goddamn weeks and weekend and nothing get's cleaned out of the fridge, and she adds more decaying material in paper bags.

Tomorrow, I'm going in with a respirator and gloves and removing my last week's leftovers, and anything I know of that's composting or a petri dish. I'm done. It's ruining my fucking beach day.

She can start the fuck over when I move out.  My health isn't worth this for the next month.





...sorry, I need to rant SOMEWHERE. If I end up in the hospital tomorrow. Ya'll know why.

[Signora Pæsior]

That's...

Ew.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Look.  I'm a modern guy.  But there are some things that ARE and SHOULD REMAIN the exclusive province of MEN.

One of those things is allowing food to turn into something other than food in the fridge.  We do this shit for SCIENCE.




Um...Marie Curie can join the club.  Also, that Margaret Mead woman that went around pissing off Samoans.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Look.  I'm a modern guy.  But there are some things that ARE and SHOULD REMAIN the exclusive province of MEN.

One of those things is allowing food to turn into something other than food in the fridge.  We do this shit for SCIENCE.




Um...Marie Curie can join the club.  Also, that Margaret Mead woman that went around pissing off Samoans.

I'm pretty good at this too. But the Internet keeps telling me that I'm a dude, so that's probably why.

Currently my kitchen smells really strongly and disturbingly of vagina, and I can't figure out why.

[Signora Pæsior]

Currently my kitchen smells really strongly and disturbingly of vagina, and I can't figure out why.

I just inhaled coca-cola reading this. Fuck you, Nigel.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Currently my kitchen smells really strongly and disturbingly of vagina, and I can't figure out why.

I just inhaled coca-cola reading this. Fuck you, Nigel.

[Suu]

I first read that as Nigel was good at pissing off Samoans, then it clicked she was good at SCIENCE. Evidently, vagina science.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm pretty good at this too. But the Internet keeps telling me that I'm a dude, so that's probably why.

Ever heard of "phantom pain"?  Nigel has "phantom enormous brass balls".  If you stand on the bridge on just the right night, at just the right time, you can hear them clanging as she chases down hipsters to satisfy her diabolical appetites.

[Juana]

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm pretty good at this too. But the Internet keeps telling me that I'm a dude, so that's probably why.

Ever heard of "phantom pain"?  Nigel has "phantom enormous brass balls".  If you stand on the bridge on just the right night, at just the right time, you can hear them clanging as she chases down hipsters to satisfy her diabolical appetites.

[Suu]

[Telarus]