Author Topic: Those wussies!  (Read 10474 times)

National Public Radio

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Those wussies!
« on: November 13, 2004, 11:55:36 pm »
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN
     
Joe gets up at 6 AM and fills his coffee pot with water to prepare
his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some
tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His medications
are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to insure
their safety and that they work as advertised.
     
All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's
medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance -- now Joe gets it too.
     
He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is
safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate
the meat packing industry.
     
In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. The bottle is
properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total
contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know
what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.
     
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he
breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for
laws to stop industries from polluting the air.
     
He walks to the subway station for his government subsidized ride
to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and
transportation fees because some fancy pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a
contributor.
     
Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay,
medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.
     
Joe's employer pays the same standards because Joe's employer
doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or
becomes unemployed, he'll get a workers' compensation or
unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
     
Its noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay
some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because
some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous
conservative bankers who ruined the banking system before the
Great Depression.
     
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his
below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal
decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime.
     
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening
at his farm home in the country. He gets into his car for the drive. His
car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating
liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home.
     
His was the third generation to live in the house financed by
Farmer's Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural
loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government
liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. He is happy to see his father, who is now retired.
     
His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because
some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care
of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.
     
Joe gets back into his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio
talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and
conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved
Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys
throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all I'm a self-made man who believes
everyone should take care of himself, just like I have."
NPR is made possible from generous donations from moveon.org and Michael Moore.  But we are non-partisan.  Honest.

Slarti

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Those wussies!
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2004, 01:49:18 am »
errr egg salad///??

East Coast Hustle

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« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2004, 01:51:49 am »
well said, NPR...now if ony you had hot topless sorority girls begging me for donations during your telethon, I might begin to think about sending you a check....

 8)
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Bella

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« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2004, 02:18:00 am »
Me, too...... but I'd rather have hot topless fraternity guys ask me for the donation.
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

EraPassing

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Those wussies!
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2004, 02:42:40 am »
I want full frontal, Bella.
Elves suck.
Yeah, I said it, I went there.  Whatcha gonna do?

Bob the Mediocre

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« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2004, 02:49:40 am »
Quote from: Slartibartfast++
errr egg salad///??


Chicken salad, with barbecue sauce, served by a nude waitress.
"we are building a religion
we are making a brand
we're the only ones to turn to when your castles turn to sand
take a bite of this apple
mister corporate events
take a walk through the jungle
of cardboard shanties and tents
some people drink pepsi
some people drink coke
the wacky morning dj says democracy's a joke
he says now do you believe in the one big song
he is now accepting callers who would like to sing along"


I AM A COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING IDIOT!

Schweinepriester G.

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« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2004, 02:51:43 am »
Quote from: Bob the Mediocre
Quote from: Slartibartfast++
errr egg salad///??


Chicken salad, with barbecue sauce, served by a nude waitress.


I think you can leave away the salad and the sauce.
On second thought barbecue sauce sounds goood.
"...it would needlessly exclude IMPS implementations that
   may utilize sub-atomic monkeys and/or multiple universes;"
RFC 2795, section 4 (Infinite-TAG)

agent compassion

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« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2004, 06:26:54 am »
Naked sorority girls in barbecue sauce? Ok, coming right up....

'I'll take you out for a meal with Mr. and Mrs. Pain, order up some violent quiche. Do you want some?' - ++++++ Moon


agent compassion

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« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2004, 06:42:30 am »
With a side of hot boys and hot fudge for dessert, of course. On tonight's menu we have:

Orlando Bloom
Brad Pitt
Hugh Grant
Paul McGann
Alan Rickman
Ian Roberts
Colin Firth
Rupert Everett(for the boys)
and Dylan McDermott

Did I forget anyone?

'I'll take you out for a meal with Mr. and Mrs. Pain, order up some violent quiche. Do you want some?' - ++++++ Moon


CannedLizard

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Those wussies!
« Reply #9 on: November 14, 2004, 04:25:22 pm »
Quote from: agent compassion
With a side of hot boys and hot fudge for dessert, of course. On tonight's menu we have:

Orlando Bloom
Brad Pitt
Hugh Grant
Paul McGann
Alan Rickman
Ian Roberts
Colin Firth
Rupert Everett(for the boys)
and Dylan McDermott

Did I forget anyone?


Some disturbed people prefer Sean Connery. Although I think it's for his voice, and I guess I can understand that. Sean Connery can narrate and do the actual asking :wink:
POEE Pre-Chaplain Neon Irwin of the Bahumbug Pre-Cabal, CG, UE, KoBaSN

East Coast Hustle

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« Reply #10 on: November 14, 2004, 10:39:27 pm »
Quote from: agent compassion
With a side of hot boys and hot fudge for dessert, of course. On tonight's menu we have:

Orlando Bloom
Brad Pitt
Hugh Grant
Paul McGann
Alan Rickman
Ian Roberts
Colin Firth
Rupert Everett(for the boys)
and Dylan McDermott

Did I forget anyone?


Jeezus...is that really what women find attractive? ya know, this may mean I'm hopelessly fucked, but at least I can blame it on y'alls bad taste...

 8)
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Bella

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« Reply #11 on: November 14, 2004, 10:59:11 pm »
Quote from: Turd Ferguson


Jeezus...is that really what women find attractive? ya know, this may mean I'm hopelessly fucked, but at least I can blame it on y'alls bad taste...

 8)

I don't find those men attractive.
 Don't even know who most of them are, actually.
Only Brad Pitt and Hugh Grant ring a bell.....and they don't ring my bell, if you know what I mean.
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

EraPassing

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Those wussies!
« Reply #12 on: November 14, 2004, 11:20:37 pm »
Me, I liked the guy who played the Uruk-hai Captain in the Fellowship of the Ring.  He had a nice body.  And you know, there are incredible leaps of innovations happening in dentistry nowadays!
Amazing what can happen with a bar of soap and some veneers...

I would keep Alan Rickman, and Colin Firth on the list.  Strike Orlando Bloom, though - I mean, bad enough he played an elf, but he's a pansy in all his other movies, too.

And Rupert Everett, I think, is gay.  He'd appreciate the list more than he'd appreciate being ON the list, yeah.
Elves suck.
Yeah, I said it, I went there.  Whatcha gonna do?

Horab Fibslager

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« Reply #13 on: November 15, 2004, 12:06:49 am »
good looks don't make teh ladies scream for more...

:mrgreen:
Hell is other people.

CannedLizard

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« Reply #14 on: November 15, 2004, 12:22:31 am »
Quote from: horab9
good looks don't make teh ladies scream for more...

:mrgreen:


Nope, but giving them string when they're about to fall of a waterfall does.
POEE Pre-Chaplain Neon Irwin of the Bahumbug Pre-Cabal, CG, UE, KoBaSN