How most men, even good caring men, have no clue what women go through

[LMNO]

You know, every so often you'll see a piece about how disconnected people are, how no one is friendly anymore, how you can have an entire train full of people, each plugged in to their iPod, or laptop, never even acknowledging anyone else's presence, isolating themselves from the world, and isn't it a shame, and how enjoyable it can be to simply strike up a conversation with a stranger, you might learn something new, or make a good friend, and modern technology is to blame for letting people shut themselves off from the world.

And then you read something like this.

[hooplala]

Word.

Read an interesting essay from porn star Stoya yesterday where she was saying, by and large, that she is treated more respectfully at porn conventions than she is by men on the street... which is sort of... something?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Content blocked by nannywall.

[East Coast Hustle]

I dunno, I get what she's saying but really, I'd get harrassed like that too on the LA Metro.

[Placid Dingo]

X-posting reply from FaceSpace where I saw this 5 mins ago.

Having to deal with that bullshit from men is all kinds of not awesome.

That said, I have a hard time sometimes working out what's expected; the last three anecdotes I've read about 'if I'm reading and a guy comes up and talks to me...' have ended with

-"People seem to want to talk to you if you read so I like to read and hope someone starts a conversation"

then

-"I don't mind if you're talking about the content of the book, but don't just talk to me about 'what are you reading?'

and then

"If I'm reading DON'T TALK TO ME I'M AVOIDING YOU'.

So sometimes I do find it a bit unclear what's appropriate. That said, I suspect the public transport (ie, context) had a lot to do with it.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

A typical male reply would be:
Take some self-defence classes.
or
Learn to handle a knife.

The attitude that it's okay for men to be assholes, women just need to learn how deal with it and, if necessary, defend themselves is part of the problem, not a solution.

A better way to say this is that it is a woefully incomplete solution.  The other half of this solution is that every person has a moral responsibility to step in when a fellow human - regardless of gender - is being attacked or threatened.  Most predators don't want a fight, they want a victim.  If you don't feel capable of helping, that's what 911 is for.  A simple call to the police would have saved Kitty Genovese, for example, yet more than 200 people who heard her attack did nothing.

There's nothing I can do about most assaults, because I am not present.  However, I CAN have an effect if I happen to be present at the time, and there is no excuse for me or anyone else to walk on by, pretending nothing is happening.

[Chaser]

Boohoo, I'm attractive and guys hit on me, life's tough.
BZZZT. Next.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Boohoo, I'm attractive and guys hit on me, life's tough.
BZZZT. Next.

Okay, we've heard from the Australian Guido delegation.

[hooplala]

A typical male reply would be:
Take some self-defence classes.
or
Learn to handle a knife.

The attitude that it's okay for men to be assholes, women just need to learn how deal with it and, if necessary, defend themselves is part of the problem, not a solution.

A better way to say this is that it is a woefully incomplete solution.  The other half of this solution is that every person has a moral responsibility to step in when a fellow human - regardless of gender - is being attacked or threatened.  Most predators don't want a fight, they want a victim.  If you don't feel capable of helping, that's what 911 is for.  A simple call to the police would have saved Kitty Genovese, for example, yet more than 200 people who heard her attack did nothing.

There's nothing I can do about most assaults, because I am not present.  However, I CAN have an effect if I happen to be present at the time, and there is no excuse for me or anyone else to walk on by, pretending nothing is happening.

From what I've read, the problem in the Kitty Genovese story is that everyone assumed someone else was calling for help... or maybe I'm a hopeless optimist.

I don't personally think asking someone what they are reading on a train or bus is inherently a problem... it's the response these people come up with that is the problem.  If someone doesn't want to talk it shouldn't be an automatic response to assume they are an asshole.  They could have any number of reasons for not wanting to talk.

Oh, and just for the record, when I am on the subway reading someone almost always asks what I am reading too, and I ain't that cute.  People are nosy.

[Chaser]

The correct term is in fact, muzza.
Come at me, muzzas <3

[hooplala]

The correct term is in fact, muzza.
Come at me, muzzas <3

Run along now, the adults are talking.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

From what I've read, the problem in the Kitty Genovese story is that everyone assumed someone else was calling for help... or maybe I'm a hopeless optimist.

After-the-fact excuses.  People didn't want to "get involved".  Because, you know, it's a major interruption of your evening to make a 3 minute call.  And when the attacker RETURNED and the attack resumed (fatally), STILL nobody called.

I don't personally think asking someone what they are reading on a train or bus is inherently a problem... it's the response these people come up with that is the problem.  If someone doesn't want to talk it shouldn't be an automatic response to assume they are an asshole.  They could have any number of reasons for not wanting to talk.

Yes, like they're reading a book.  I get pissy when someone tries chatting at me in an airport if I'm reading a book, whereas I am more than happy to chat if I'm not.

Oh, and just for the record, when I am on the subway reading someone almost always asks what I am reading too, and I ain't that cute.  People are nosy.

People are nosy.  Or bored.  Or lonely.  Or sometimes they're creepy.  To me, it's an annoyance.  To other people, it may feel threatening.

[Signora Pæsior]

Boohoo, I'm attractive and guys hit on me, life's tough.
BZZZT. Next.

No, I think those who are capable of discussing legitimate issues might keep doing so for a bit. Thanks for your valuable input.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The correct term is in fact, muzza.
Come at me, muzzas <3

No, it's "guido".  Not as in "Italian", but as in "COME AT ME, BRAH DO YOU EVEN LIFT CHECK OUT MY TAN FIST PUMP" argle bargle.  Add in a bit of /b/ type last-decade studied callousness, and then flip it all upside down...Australian Guido.

[Cain]

From what I've read, the problem in the Kitty Genovese story is that everyone assumed someone else was calling for help... or maybe I'm a hopeless optimist.

Possibly.  But diffusion of responsibility does also take place when it is clear that no-one else is intervening.  Everyone waits for someone else to do something, and the longer nothing happens, the more likely people are going to think "well, it's not my responsibility to intervene.  Look at everyone else, standing around doing nothing.  Why don't they do something?"