UNLIMITED holist appreciation thread

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Translation: Gay for Roger! 

But isn't everyone?

No.

LIES.  I am one sexy little princess, and don't let anyone tell you differently.

[Dildo Argentino]

Translation: Gay for Roger! 

But isn't everyone?

No.

LIES.  I am one sexy little princess, and don't let anyone tell you differently.

Oh, okay then. 

[Dildo Argentino]

Alty wrote a fucking fantastic OP that brought up a really interesting point.

Oh really? And what was it? I've read it the fifth time, and it still seems he was simply whinging. But perhaps I am missing something: could you reformulate the "really interesting point" of the OP, please?

Why are you such a jerk all the time?

I'm not. Perhaps you're asking: why are you being so harsh here? The answer to that I am borrowing from Louis Armstrong:

"There are some people that if they don't know, you can't tell 'em."

[Salty]

Alty wrote a fucking fantastic OP that brought up a really interesting point.

Oh really? And what was it? I've read it the fifth time, and it still seems he was simply whinging. But perhaps I am missing something: could you reformulate the "really interesting point" of the OP, please?

Why are you such a jerk all the time?

I'm not. Perhaps you're asking: why are you being so harsh here? The answer to that I am borrowing from Louis Armstrong:

"There are some people that if they don't know, you can't tell 'em."

That was harsh?

[Dildo Argentino]

God wasn't always a great guy.  [...]

Wow in spades! Blew my head off. Brilliant writing. Did you just make that up or have you had it saved for a special occasion?

[Dildo Argentino]

Can't help it.

I'm a feckin' Narcissist.

http://blog.holist.hu/?p=875

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

You make a really profound and poignant point, but I'm wondering if you've heard the Good News about Roger? He hates for you and me, so that we can have eternal less-hatefulness!

God wasn't always a great guy.  He used to be a bit of an asshole, to be honest.  His only job was to protect a single desert tribe.  And boy did He love it.  Butchering his tribe's enemies.  Killing firstborn sons.  Destroying entire towns with pillars of fire.  Turning people into salt.  Demanding people sacrifice their children for shits and giggles.  Hell, He even flooded the earth once, almost wiping out the entire world's population, just to make a point.  To say He was filled with hate is a bit of an understatement.

Then something happened.  The Romans marched on ancient Judea.  The people tried to defend themselves, but their weak attempts were nothing compared to the might of the Empire.  The tribe had thought God was going to protect them.  They thought He was going to destroy their enemy like He loved so much to do.  But He was nowhere to be seen.  He didn't even show up to point and laugh like He sometimes did.  God had flown the coop.

A few decades later God returned literally in the flesh.  But He had changed.  He was no longer filled with hate.  He was now filled with love.  He no longer liked to smash his enemies.  He now wanted to give them a hug.  He used to believe you couldn't punish someone quickly enough.  He now believed everyone deserved mercy.  God had become a lovey-dovey hippie.

What had happened?

There are whispers that it has to do with how Jesus came into being.  You see, the incarnation of God into this world is a pretty complicated process as one might expect.  Just like you can't win the Daytona 500 the very first time you drive a car, you can't perfectly merge a divine entity with a physical body on the very first try.  It takes practice, is what I'm saying.

But God is omniscient and omnipotent and therefore able to do it on the first try, you might be asking yourself.  Look at it this way.  When Satan told God that the only reason he thought Job was pious was because life was going so well for him, what did God say?  He didn't agree, but He didn't know for sure so He allowed Satan to screw him in the ass a few times over to test the theory.  Now if God didn't know what was in the heart of a simple-minded country bumpkin, how the hell would He know how to incarnate Himself into the physical world on the first try?

What I'm trying to say is God needed to practice before the big show.  And how would He practice such a thing?  He'd try to incarnate Himself into the world, of course.  A test run.  So the Good Lord found a virgin and knocked her up.  But something went wrong.  While His essence did merge with the flesh of the child, it wasn't a complete merging.  The physical body of the child absorbed His Divine Anger.  Then it stopped.  The rest of His essence remained outside the bounds of the physical world.

Now devoid of His anger, God took pity on the virgin carrying His child.  He transformed her into a member of a species which He had previously blessed with His divine power, the noble Yeti, and placed her within the untamed wilderness of a land that would one day become known as Canada.

God created a new plan, fixing the mistakes He had made with the original plan.  This plan had a new goal in mind.  You see, God originally wanted to incarnate Himself into the world so that He could absorb the hate within man's hearts.  Doing such a thing would make Him even more hateful and therefore stronger.  With more power He could become the head deity of other tribes which would give Him even more power.  More power meant He could get fuck with more tribes.  And thus the cycle would've gone on indefinitely.  God wanted to start His own franchise.  A divine McDonald's that fucked you over instead of giving you food.  But with His Divine Anger gone He decided that He wanted to remove the sins of man instead, allowing them to be together with Him in one giant circle jerk for all of eternity. 

Of course, even that plan was flawed.  While God was coming up with it His tribe was being mowed down by Greeks and then Romans.  So He was a bit surprised by how they welcomed Him when He finally did come into the physical world.  It turns out they were a bit bitter.  And the Romans were more than willing to solve that problem for them.

As for God's firstborn son?  Nobody knows what happened to him.  Not even God Himself.  Nobody knows whether he's alive or dead.  Or even if he survived long enough to be born into the world in the first place.  But if he is alive. . . Then that means there's a Holy Man filled with Divine Anger somewhere out there. . . And only the man himself could know what he's doing.  Is he spewing rage on a busy street corner?  Is he the iron-fisted dictator of a third world country? Or maybe he's a fire-and-brimstone preacher leading an apocalyptic cult?  Perhaps he's innately attracted to the environment from which his Father's tribe originated and therefore dwells deep within some desert where no man dare look?  We may never know.

HOSANNA

HOSANNA TO THE HIGHEST!

[Dildo Argentino]

Alty wrote a fucking fantastic OP that brought up a really interesting point.

Oh really? And what was it? I've read it the fifth time, and it still seems he was simply whinging. But perhaps I am missing something: could you reformulate the "really interesting point" of the OP, please?

Why are you such a jerk all the time?

I'm not. Perhaps you're asking: why are you being so harsh here? The answer to that I am borrowing from Louis Armstrong:

"There are some people that if they don't know, you can't tell 'em."

That was harsh?

No, not for my tastes, but, were you hurt?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Alty wrote a fucking fantastic OP that brought up a really interesting point.

Oh really? And what was it? I've read it the fifth time, and it still seems he was simply whinging. But perhaps I am missing something: could you reformulate the "really interesting point" of the OP, please?

Why are you such a jerk all the time?

I'm not. Perhaps you're asking: why are you being so harsh here? The answer to that I am borrowing from Louis Armstrong:

"There are some people that if they don't know, you can't tell 'em."

That was harsh?

No, not for my tastes, but, were you hurt?

Your comma usage hurts Queen Elizabeth II.

[Dildo Argentino]

Your comma usage hurts Queen Elizabeth II.

The bitch deserves it.

And,
anyway,
you know,
even she,
even she can't win them all.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Your comma usage hurts Queen Elizabeth II.

The bitch deserves it.

Now nice.

[Dildo Argentino]

Your comma usage hurts Queen Elizabeth II.

The bitch deserves it.

Now nice.

Sorry, but no. If it hurts that woman, I will up my comma quotient.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Your comma usage hurts Queen Elizabeth II.

The bitch deserves it.

Now nice.

Sorry, but no. If it hurts that woman, I will up my comma quotient.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Now she's a woman?  A minute ago, she was a "bitch".

[Dildo Argentino]

Your comma usage hurts Queen Elizabeth II.

The bitch deserves it.

Now nice.

Sorry, but no. If it hurts that woman, I will up my comma quotient.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Now she's a woman?  A minute ago, she was a "bitch".

In the sense of "woman I dislike"... I try to be PC for the sake of my dog, Tobia, because she finds me objectionable...

But I fail.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Your comma usage hurts Queen Elizabeth II.

The bitch deserves it.

Now nice.

Sorry, but no. If it hurts that woman, I will up my comma quotient.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Now she's a woman?  A minute ago, she was a "bitch".

In the sense of "woman I dislike"...

I see.