Can we talk about me now? (Open bar thread #3,494)

[P3nT4gR4m]

Welp, I'm back home.  And by home, I mean Bournemouth.

I'm not sure when I first felt like I was back home.  Perhaps it was the aroma of seagull shit urine and stale vomit as I stepped off the train.  Or when someone threw half a can of cider bottle of buckfast at me while shouting incomprehensible obscenities.  Or the teenage single mother who aimed her child's pram directly at me and tried to use it as a battering ram to run me over.

All I was missing was a Somalian offering me a free sample, a rich prick from Poole with a yacht and some wannabe guidos trying to work on their tan by walking around topless, despite the fact it's almost always overcast and below 10 celsius here.

On second thoughts, there are some subtle differences 

[Cain]

Lets just say, choice of drinks and accent aside, there are reasons I adjusted to living in Scotland so easily

[trippinprincezz13]

In a real funk, and it only seems to be getting worse. Especially when my brain seems to be actively working against me trying to pull myself out of it. If I just stop and relax for a bit, I worry that I should be doing something, or I'm forgetting to do something or WHY ARE YOU JUST SITTING THERE NOT DOING THE LAUNDRY/CLEANING/COOKING/SOMETHING. If I go out and genuinely have fun and enjoy myself, I immediately feel guilty about it because you must have done something wrong, look at how stupid you must have looked, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU LOOKED LIKE AN ASS. They were just being nice because they felt bad, you know they're talking about you now. FFS, I can barely spend a day with my parents without thinking I screwed it up somehow. 

So then I don't do anything so that I can't make myself feel bad about it later. But I WANT to go out and talk to people, so I get more depressed, and withdrawn, resentful and angry and start lashing out at those around me. Feel bad about it later, and so on. And it builds up, and I'm stressed all the time and just so tired. And how do you explain that to anyone without sounding completely insane?

And this is all TMI, and probably won't do any good, but I just....don't know.

It's simple, really.  You lack Slack.  You worry about what other people think of you.  You worry that having a good time is somehow BADWRONG.  In many people, this leads them to join religious groups that frown on fun entirely.  In others, it leads to the situation you find yourself in. 

That's the EASY part.  The hard part is doing something ABOUT it.  My advice is to work with a therapist, combined with some exercise.  Assuming you can AFFORD a therapist.  If you can't, talk to Nigel, who may have some information on how to find publicly funded therapy.  If this turns out not to be an option, then there's The Cure.  That should be considered a last resort, of course, as it tends to turn you into a 44 year old, bitter old man that hates everyone and spends all his time NOT giving a shit what most people think.  That does, believe it or not, have some downsides.

This is AMAZING. 

Also, Princezz, if a hike is too much of a commitment (and I know exactly what that feels like) if there is one thing, just one, I can recommend, it's that you go for a half hour walk every single day. The great thing is that it's only half an hour, and you don't need any equipment or special clothes. You can just pop out the front door, walk for fifteen minutes, and turn around. It should make a surprising difference in how you feel and think.

THIS. And you'll know that you got something done. It doesn't HAVE to be cleaning. Cleaning isn't the measure of a person, anyway. And thanks for the well-wishes.  The Instant Polio^(TM) hurts a lot less today, I'm optimistic that I'll be OK fairly soon. Probably not in time to get out of town for the weekend like I planned, though...fuck. 

Kai, good luck...and keep in mind it still might NOT be that. Keep us posted.

I'm going to try to start with this - if only around my apartment complex at first. (spent the rest of last week incredibly busy and while I had PD open with the intention of doing stuff, never really got the chance. But wasn't ignoring your suggestion Nigel) It'd be nice if my street had acutal sidewalks since, especially if I'm by myself, I hate driving to go walking somewhere. With the way people fly down there and very little "side of the road" to speak of (mostly overgrowth and/or someone's yard) it's not incredibly safe, but I may start up again anyway. Can only walk in a circle so many times. But walking would probably help on a number of levels.

I wish I'd gotten to go on more hikes this summer - the hardest part was finding someone to go. And may be silly but for the most part, as much as I would probably enjoy being there by myself, I do get a bit nervous in some spots.  And yea, I don't know why the cleaning's become such a big issue with me (though I have some ideas). I mean, I DO enjoy it to an extent, but not obsessing over it. I think the big thing is the bolded above and convincing myself that I can't get everything done at once and that that's OK. Thanks again guys. I'm trying.

Ugh, that stinks about your leg though - especially with potential plans getting messed up. At least it sounds like it's getting better than worse so hopefully with enough rest you should get back to normal pretty quickly.

[trippinprincezz13]

In other news, awesome time at Primus with even more 3D than normal this weekend. It's always a fun group of people too. Five thumbs up, would see again and all that.

Weekend = Yay

[Lenin McCarthy]

Minsk looks a bit like the Soviet Union still exists, but at least they've placed a McDonalds on Lenin Street to show everyone who won the Cold War.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

who won the Cold War.

McDonalds and Levi Jeans.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Anyone with a vested interest in obtaining weapons grade plutonium, no questions asked

[Juana]

It's raining! Actual fucking rain! I'm hoping it'll be enough to wash all the shit out of the air and down the drain .

[Juana]

Annnnnnnnd fuckin'-A. One of my damned sociology teachers has - yet again - announced that class meetings are canceled at NINE AM THE DAY OF. I hate that shit. I could totally still be asleep.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Tomorrow i pick up my high school transcripts for the third and hopefully final time.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Looks as if i may have my associates degree by may.

[Cain]

Annnnnnnnd fuckin'-A. One of my damned sociology teachers has - yet again - announced that class meetings are canceled at NINE AM THE DAY OF. I hate that shit. I could totally still be asleep.

That's how I feel when one of our breakfast deliveries doesn't turn up, or arrives an hour late.  This usually happens 2-3 times a week.

I'm tired now, but not for that reason.  At least I am 100% guaranteed a good night's sleep tonight.   That'll be the first time since....er, Wednesday?  I've honestly lost count.

[LMNO]

I'm not sure I know what a good night's sleep means anymore.

I'd like to say that it's because of an excess of FUN, but even that's getting to be a weak excuse.

[Juana]

Lame, LMNO.

Annnnnnnnd fuckin'-A. One of my damned sociology teachers has - yet again - announced that class meetings are canceled at NINE AM THE DAY OF. I hate that shit. I could totally still be asleep.

That's how I feel when one of our breakfast deliveries doesn't turn up, or arrives an hour late.  This usually happens 2-3 times a week.

I'm tired now, but not for that reason.  At least I am 100% guaranteed a good night's sleep tonight.   That'll be the first time since....er, Wednesday?  I've honestly lost count.

Gross.

[EK WAFFLR]

Less than twlve hours until I arrive in London town.


Pix, I'm not going to make it out of London this time, but maybe we'll be able to meet up when I go back to London in March?

Also, I must be retarded since I keep on using Ryanair to get to London, even though they are complete and utter twat-heads.