I am here at no risk to myself or others to tell you the TRUTH about the Discordian menace.
1. Discordians always tell you all about their evil plans. Then they rarely actually DO anything. What this means is that we've cried "wolf!" so many times that we can say and do as we please without any possibility of anyone believing us.
Another way to say this is that there are no secrets in the Church of Discordia, and I will not be endangering myself or my family in any way, despite rumors to the contrary...Because you, dear reader, will probably not believe a word of it. This is all just more quaint fiction.
2. Discordians pretend that they disagree on everything, even what "Discordianism" MEANS. This is to convince you that they have nothing nefarious in the works, because they can't stop bickering. It worked on YOU, so it will probably work on the FBI.
3. Discordians hate the American way of life...And so should YOU.
4. Discordians don't stand out in a crowd. That's what anarchists are for. While the dumbfuck with the day-glo hairdo and the Anarchy Now™ shirt is being watched by the security guards, the Discordian is fucking up all the toilets.
5. Discordians aren't trying to change the world. They're trying to keep it just as weird as it already is.
6. Discordians aren't here to help you become enlightened. Enlightenment is for Buddhists, which is a totally different religion entirely, no matter what the Facebook tards tell you. Any Discordian parable that involves Buddhists or monks is a put on, designed deliberately to WASTE YOUR TIME while the Discordians sneak into the bathrooms again. Sucker.
7. Discordians know all about Tucson and Providence and Portland, and you don't. That's why Discordians laugh so much while everyone else is staring at the news broadcasts in shock.
8. Discordians know who was REALLY behind 9/11, but we aren't telling, because the RIDICULOUS conspiracy theories out there are endlessly amusing. Likewise, we aren't saying SHIT about the Kennedy assassination, so shut up.
9. A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest.
10. Discordians can't be bothered with your political or religious views. Because they're BORING and you're BORING when you try to explain them.
Noobs, here's why you get shit on: You are here to tell us all about YOU and YOUR zaniness. But it's been DONE, and it's NOT FUNNY and what's more, it's NO FUN. If you're FUN, then we'll get along fine (as opposed to funny, which you probably aren't). The whole POINT of the exercise is FUN, and if you're here to show us WHAT'S WHAT or what a REALLY REAL DISCORDIAN you are, then you aren't FUN.
Also, walking into a group and acting like a DUMBSHIT will provoke that group to TREAT you like a dumbshit, and it makes no difference WHAT group we're talking about. So take your butthurt and shove it up your ass, because that's where it's going ANYWAY, and we can all save a little time if you just go ahead and do it yourself. Also, rejection by a group does NOT mean that one person controls that group, it just means YOU PISSED EVERYONE OFF.
So shut up.
