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Goddammit, Nigel! This fucking thing is stuck again.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, October 12, 2012, 08:57:22 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

October 12, 2012, 08:57:22 PM
The cap's screwed on too tight, so there isn't SHIT I can do.  The creepers are crawling under the table with the call girls, and the local priest is on Craig's List, looking for midgets who will dress like children and call him Big Poppa.  There's no fucking end to it!  I hollered at Hirley0 to blow the ballast tanks, but he said "NO.", so I can hardly be blamed with EVERYTHING DEFAULTS TO MAIN.  I expected more benevolence out of such a hoary old wise man, but it just goes to show that you never can tell.

Anyway, my heels are all itchy again, and AGAIN there's no air.  I need to have my head fitted with a big blower like the car in The Road Warrior, just so I can breathe. 

But why am I explaining this to YOU?  You already know all this shit; you have made The Pilgrimage, and you - unlike these other fucking SINNERS - have thus received the blessings that Our Lady Tucson has to bestow.  And the radiation burns hardly show at all!  YOU'RE SO LUCKY, MISTER!

But for those who have never visited Tucson, who have never spoken in color, it is impossible to describe without the assistance of shitty whiskey and Nyquil.  Anyway, I better get to the point before my finger bones melt:

I had this dream about LMNO, and he was dressed in a slinky little number that had the boys in the front row BAYING for his tits.  I was one of the bouncers, I guess, and we threw everyone out except this old Native American guy who grabbed LMNO off the stage and started shoving NigelCo™ glass beads up his prostate, screaming "NO, REALLY, YOU CAN BUY MANHATTAN WITH THESE THINGS!  NOW GIVE ME A LAP DANCE, YOU LITTLE SLUT!".  I woke up in a cold sweat, with a dry mouth and my pillow half way up my arse.

So my question to YOU is, are your beads actually legal tender with the US government?  Because that would be kinda fitting, don't you think?  If you make enough of them, we can buy Manhattan and throw all the fucking Dutch out.

I always hated those fuckers, prancing around in their wooden shoes and their frilly blue suits.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

hirley0

#1
October 13, 2012, 04:42:13 PM Last Edit: October 13, 2012, 04:47:55 PM by hirley0
:fnord:  :fnord:

Quote from: Man Yellow on October 12, 2012, 08:57:22 PM
T cap's
So my question to YOU is, are your beads actually legal ten
i do not know, maybe its possible to ask web
there is the tail that comes to mind from the princess
i had already been instructed .. when the feathers showed up
to berry them. so i was ready with my rifle by my side when
she walked thru the door. i did not hesitate for a moment
as soon as she had the door open she was looking at the
barrel. of course i had been careful to stuff the end with
a white paper, and i could tell as she relaxed she could
understand the letter i had written for her. i berried the
feathers.

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
October 13, 2012, 05:18:47 PM
Well, if *I* were sending her a letter, I'd do it that way too.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#3
October 13, 2012, 08:45:34 PM
Roger, Hirley0, it's ALMOST TIME. That's all you need to know besides the cold chills running up your spine and the faint arousal left over from the retinal imprint of Miss LMNO's curvaceous ass. That's permanent, FYI, and not just a visual artifact. My beads will be legal tender in the Future™ and those who are wise better start stockpiling, because when that time comes I will dispense with manufacture and shift my business entirely to couples counseling and narrative therapy, which I am sure you can imagine but I recommend against it. I will, at that time, require a steady supply of wooden shoes, so keep that plan for Manhattan in mind.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Luna

#4
October 14, 2012, 02:31:10 AM
Oh, fuck.

I just understood one of hirley0's posts.

The whole thing.

Who the fuck slipped Tuscon and Portland into my beer?
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Don Coyote

#5
October 14, 2012, 02:47:43 AM
I think this means that the rest of the universe is aligning itself to hirley.

LMNO

#6
October 14, 2012, 05:39:08 AM
Oh, fuck.

You realize that this means the Universe is about to default to MAIN, right?

Don Coyote

#7
October 16, 2012, 09:42:59 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on October 14, 2012, 05:39:08 AM
Oh, fuck.

You realize that this means the Universe is about to default to MAIN, right?

I might already have been aligning yesterday in five minutes.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#8
October 17, 2012, 05:21:19 AM
2001 is great, you guys! No one ever gets old, no one ever gets sick, and no one ever dies.

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
October 17, 2012, 03:11:19 PM
Quote from: Man Green on October 17, 2012, 05:21:19 AM
2001 is great, you guys! No one ever gets old, no one ever gets sick, and no one ever dies.

Tucson is the same way.  Except for the not getting sick part.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
February 19, 2013, 07:01:14 PM
WOW!  I don't remember writing this.

DON'T DO DRUGS, KIDS!  GIVE THEM TO ROGER!
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Juana

#11
February 19, 2013, 07:05:44 PM
:lulz: It is pretty great, though.
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#12
February 19, 2013, 07:49:12 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 19, 2013, 07:01:14 PM
WOW!  I don't remember writing this.

DON'T DO DRUGS, KIDS!  GIVE THEM TO ROGER!

:lulz: That's AMAZING.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

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