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PD.com: "the lot of you are some of the most vicious, name calling, vile examples of humanity I've had the misfortune of attempting to communicate with.  Even attempting to mimic the general mood of the place toward people who think differently leaves a slimy feel on my skin.  Reptilian, even."

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Some notes on the PD old-timers.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, October 15, 2012, 07:25:12 PM

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ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞

#30
October 16, 2012, 01:00:46 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 15, 2012, 07:52:01 PM
8.  Net:  Net claims to live in Portland, but everyone there vehemently denies it.  If his shadow touches you, it sucks out your soul.  Net clings to the undersides of cars and draws sustenance from the tailpipe.  His hair grows inside out, so his brain is all furry.  He has a third nostril, which allows him the Godlike wisdom that he dispenses to the masses.  They hate him for it, and he has been outlawed in all states except Maine and Vermont.

Did I originate from the city of the Weird™? Hell no, I'm from the midwest where we have blackouts, not brownouts. Where we have a fleet of snowplows, not ZOMG2INCHESOFSNOW! Where we have tornadoes and GTFOthegroundfloor, not a light drizzle of rain for a few months. Am I a bona fide Portlander? Absolutely not. I'm from the world of NASCAR, polluted lakes, and bank robberies involving neck-bombs.

Do I "carpool" from the underbellies of motor vehicles? Sure, but I only suck on the tailpipe when the driver blares Miley Ray Cyrus or Nickelback.

And finally, did you really need your "soul"? Really? I mean, come on? What is it worth if you can't sell it? Tick this box if you agree with our terms and conditions. Thank you.
P E R   A S P E R A   A D   A S T R A

Kai

#31
October 16, 2012, 01:08:21 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 15, 2012, 08:09:03 PM
10.  Kai.  Kai is our token born-again Christian, and he spends all day ranting against "evilution", pornography, and the base 10 numbering system (un-Godly, as the bible uses the base 20 system, ie, "three score and ten").  Kai pioneered the breakdancing circuit in Wisconsin, so they threw him out and he had to go live in Ohio.  Needless to say, this didn't go well at all and everybody died.

My reaction was like this:  :argh!: :? :lulz:
If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water. --Loren Eisley, The Immense Journey

Her Royal Majesty's Chief of Insect Genitalia Dissection
Grand Visser of the Six Legged Class
Chanticleer of the Holometabola Clade Church, Diptera Parish

The Good Reverend Roger

#32
October 16, 2012, 02:40:58 PM
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#33
October 16, 2012, 03:26:08 PM
All this before 10 am...WHEEEEEEE  :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

EK WAFFLR

#34
October 16, 2012, 03:29:32 PM
This is awesome! :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#35
October 16, 2012, 05:35:06 PM
Holy shit!  :lulz: :lulz: I love this!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#36
October 16, 2012, 06:43:22 PM
Ratatosk is an Antiperson™.  He hates hippies and anyone who babbles jargon, and becomes violent when confronted with talking points.  He has in fact journeyed to Asia just to put some babbling geeks in their place.  He stands 7 feet tall, and wields a Louisville Slugger that he calls PBG ("Pinealist-Be-Good").  He is the reason the Yogi Bear Cabal went quiet.  Some say he works directly for LMNO, but this has never been proven.  Rat's sins are many, and he brags them all every day, so that we may emulate them.  Rat also has a vestigial twin, though his is just another ass sticking out of his back.  "Ho ho!", he says, "You may have kicked my ass, but it was the WRONG ONE.  Now hold still...This is going to hurt."  He once strangled Oakland.  No, that's not an obscure sports term.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#37
October 16, 2012, 06:44:21 PM
Quote from: Man Green on October 16, 2012, 05:35:06 PM
Holy shit!  :lulz: :lulz: I love this!

DA RULEZ:  To be considered for a bio, you have to have been a member since 2006/2007 under your current account, and you have to have posted within the last 90 days.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#38
October 16, 2012, 06:59:02 PM
TrippinPrincess13 is the nicest person on PD.  She spends most of her time knitting new waterpipes for her city.  Her fingernails are made out of synthetic diamond, because the REASON she can afford to be so nice is that everyone knows what happened to Jimmy Smith when he gave her a hard time.  She slapped his face OFF in one swipe, and wore it as a hat for 3 weeks.  She is 4'2" tall, weighs 35 pounds, and has an extra arm sticking out the back of her neck, like TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR, who copied her. 
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#39
October 16, 2012, 07:03:29 PM
Sita is PD's resident celebrity.  When she isn't HERE, she's running the Department of Justice, disguised as the fictional entity "Eric Holder".  She can kill a bison with one punch, and last time she punched a PERSON, he disappeared for 17 seconds.  She fights crime with her trusty sidekick Cato, who is a master of martial arts, and wears a dress for some reason.  She is the reason there is no Loch Ness monster.  In her spare time, she raises chupacabras and releases them in Wisconsin.  As a joke. 
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Juana

#40
October 16, 2012, 08:13:38 PM
:lulz: I love Sita's the best thus far, but trippinprincess's hat comes in close for second.
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

The Good Reverend Roger

#41
October 17, 2012, 12:54:51 AM
By the way, your status is now:

2002/2003:  Ancient Wiseguy (Since I'm the only actual ancient wiseguy left of the originals, time for some "new" blood.

2004/2005:  Civil War Veteran

2006/2007:  Old-timer

2008/2011:  Regular

2012:  WHo the fuck did you say you were, again?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Sir Squid Diddimus

#42
October 17, 2012, 01:14:48 AM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 15, 2012, 08:21:24 PM
12.  Squiddy.  Squiddy is a bar owner in Florida.  She loves the sunshine state, and she welcomes all Floridians and tourists with a great big hug.  She likes kittens, and tatting lace doilies for beermats.  Her bar is done up as an Appleby's restaurant, because she likes the ambience that generates.  Her hobbies include ballroom dancing, badminton, and bloodsports of all kinds.

Hey hey now. I don't own, I just take over when I'm there.
My hugs are MOST welcoming. In a come sit on uncle Joe's lap kind of way. Especially if you're a pretty girl. Are you a pretty girl?
Applebees is some high quality shit folks. I mean, it don't get much better than-- oh I can't even keep up that charade. Fuck you.
And coincidentally, I enjoy all 3 of those hobbies. I'm particularly good at #2 and 3.

Fuck you for continuing life without me. This potato is NOT COOKED ALL THE WAY.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK fuck it, it's still good.

hunter s.durden

#43
October 17, 2012, 01:35:52 AM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 16, 2012, 06:44:21 PM
DA RULEZ:  To be considered for a bio, you have to have been a member since 2006/2007 under your current account, and you have to have posted within the last 90 days.

Wait, then I should know everyone you're posting about.
Who is Sita?
This space for rent.

The Good Reverend Roger

#44
October 17, 2012, 01:38:05 AM
Quote from: hunter s.durden on October 17, 2012, 01:35:52 AM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 16, 2012, 06:44:21 PM
DA RULEZ:  To be considered for a bio, you have to have been a member since 2006/2007 under your current account, and you have to have posted within the last 90 days.

Wait, then I should know everyone you're posting about.
Who is Sita?

Well, you might, if you hadn't fucked off for 20 years.

Sita is a member of PD, and has been since 2007.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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