Eris And The Shitstain That Proves Your Pathetic Meaty Existence.

Started by Salty, October 17, 2012, 04:37:32 AM

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Salty

October 17, 2012, 04:37:32 AM Last Edit: October 17, 2012, 05:31:32 AM by Alty
Know this: once you go Discordian, you never go outside again.

It doesn't matter if you ask for it or not. That's what people don't get about this religion. Most of the lesser faiths strive to make the world a better place, even if just for themselves, even if just in their own mangled brainmeat. SHE COMES. And when I say that, boy do I mean it.

Discordia is the only deity who you will keep coming back for, even when the time of fun has passed. She's also the only deity that actually GETS OFF on your misery. I know this, for I saw her in a vision today.

I saw her, behind me in the hallway as I lay face down on a very, very unpleasant bathroom floor. Unpleasant because of HORRIBLE, BOWL-QUAKING DISEASE. No, not mine. MINE is going directly in the god damned toilet where it belongs. Oddly, the dibilitating back pain wasn't as noticeable when trawling your stomach for errant spoiled food. Until I had to sneeze.

Through the moaning in pain and vile manner in which my body was betraying me I could hear her giggling. I could FEEL her enjoyment. It doesn't matter what I post here, or how often, or the quality....SHE still gets her fun. And her fun doesnt have to be fun to be fun. I feel like she took it all the way home today.

Then again...maybe she didn't. Maybe, very probably actually, this is nowhere near the worst of it. In fact, the more I think about it the more rediculous any other alternative seems.

I can't describe the smile that puts on my face.

Regardless, I hearby declare all food as my ENEMY. I don't need it. All it does is slow me down and fuck with my guts. I'm going breatharian*, SPAGS. Just see if I don't.





*That means I can eat as many quarter pounders with cheese as I want. So GO FUCK YOURSELF.**
**AND DIET PEPSI COKE! LOOKITUP.


EDIT-I actually looked it up.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

LMNO

#1
October 17, 2012, 04:46:02 AM
Altus is my new short-term personal savior.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#2
October 17, 2012, 05:07:30 AM
 :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Aucoq

#3
October 17, 2012, 05:27:24 AM
Quote from: Alty on October 17, 2012, 04:37:32 AM
Through the moaning in pain and vile manner in which my body was betraying me I could hear her giggling. I could FEEL her enjoyment. It doesn't matter what I post here, or how often, or the quality....SHE still gets her fun. And her fun doesnt have to be fun to be fun. I feel like she took it all the way home today.

:lulz:

That paragraph is beautifully written, Alty.  It needs to go on a tombstone or monument somewhere.  :lol:
"All of the world's leading theologists agree only on the notion that God hates no-fault insurance."

Horrid and Sticky Llama Wrangler of Last Week's Forbidden Desire.

hunter s.durden

#4
October 17, 2012, 06:30:05 AM
Quote from: Alty on October 17, 2012, 04:37:32 AM
She's also the only deity that actually GETS OFF on your misery. 

I aim to please.
I AIM to please.
This space for rent.

LHX

#5
October 17, 2012, 06:42:48 AM
OP = A+
neat hell

Luna

#6
October 17, 2012, 11:21:11 AM
Quote from: Alty on October 17, 2012, 04:37:32 AM
I'm going breatharian*, SPAGS. Just see if I don't.





*That means I can eat as many quarter pounders with cheese as I want. So GO FUCK YOURSELF.**
**AND DIET PEPSI COKE! LOOKITUP.

Near as I can tell, it means you can eat anything the fuck you want, as long as you inhale it.

Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
October 17, 2012, 03:18:16 PM
 :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eater of Clowns

#8
October 17, 2012, 03:35:49 PM
I really gotta wonder if you were lying in the grips of a shit geyser inducing illness and thought "I really gotta post this on PD."   :lulz:
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#9
October 17, 2012, 03:42:54 PM
Discordia: More Fun Than You Wanted.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

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