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The Gospel of Teabagger Jesus

Started by tyrannosaurus vex, October 18, 2012, 06:43:22 PM

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tyrannosaurus vex

October 18, 2012, 06:43:22 PM
16. And lo, a man came up out of the crowd and asked Teabagger Jesus, "Lord, what shall be done about the filthy rich bastard who lives up on the mountain? Shall he pay taxes, that we can have food and shelter, and that we may visit the Doctor when we are ill?"  Teabagger Jesus frowned, for he was displeased with this line of reasoning, and said unto the man:
17. O thou selfish fool! Cast not thine eyes upon the riches of other men, to take them for yourself, for their riches are their own. If thou disirest riches, thou mayest surely obtain them by hard work and sacrifice. Let thine own hands build up thy 401(k), and let not others steal from the Job Creators to make thee more financially secure, lest once thou hast riches, they steal from thee.
18. But the man was not satisfied with this answer, and asked Teabagger Jesus again, saying, "But O Lord! There are no jobs in the land, and the people starve! How shall we gain riches with work, when there is no work?"
19 And Jesus, hating sorely when his talking points were tested, spat at the man and rebuked him, saying, Didst thou not hear me, Satan? The rich man createth the jobs, and the poor man worketh them. If thou hast no jobs, it is surely because the rich man is not rich enough! Verily I say unto thee, empty thy pockets of what lint and stones thou might have, and render it unto the rich man as an offering, and have thy entire village do the same. In this way, the rich man may gain enough wealth to create jobs. Raise thine own taxes and lower the rich man's taxes, so that in his joy he shall have mercy on thee. If this answer doeth nothing to please thee, then vote for Obama, thou Socialist.
20. And the multitude, hearing the word Socialist, did rise up and stone the man to death.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

#1
October 18, 2012, 06:49:32 PM
 :lulz::mittens: :lulz:

Now we need to do Acts II, where the apostles are basically espousing communist ideals, and teabagger it.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Freeky

#2
October 18, 2012, 07:03:41 PM
 :horrormirth:

Anna Mae Bollocks

#3
October 18, 2012, 07:25:25 PM
Quote from: V3X on October 18, 2012, 06:43:22 PM
16. And lo, a man came up out of the crowd and asked Teabagger Jesus, "Lord, what shall be done about the filthy rich bastard who lives up on the mountain? Shall he pay taxes, that we can have food and shelter, and that we may visit the Doctor when we are ill?"  Teabagger Jesus frowned, for he was displeased with this line of reasoning, and said unto the man:
17. O thou selfish fool! Cast not thine eyes upon the riches of other men, to take them for yourself, for their riches are their own. If thou disirest riches, thou mayest surely obtain them by hard work and sacrifice. Let thine own hands build up thy 401(k), and let not others steal from the Job Creators to make thee more financially secure, lest once thou hast riches, they steal from thee.
18. But the man was not satisfied with this answer, and asked Teabagger Jesus again, saying, "But O Lord! There are no jobs in the land, and the people starve! How shall we gain riches with work, when there is no work?"
19 And Jesus, hating sorely when his talking points were tested, spat at the man and rebuked him, saying, Didst thou not hear me, Satan? The rich man createth the jobs, and the poor man worketh them. If thou hast no jobs, it is surely because the rich man is not rich enough! Verily I say unto thee, empty thy pockets of what lint and stones thou might have, and render it unto the rich man as an offering, and have thy entire village do the same. In this way, the rich man may gain enough wealth to create jobs. Raise thine own taxes and lower the rich man's taxes, so that in his joy he shall have mercy on thee. If this answer doeth nothing to please thee, then vote for Obama, thou Socialist.
20. And the multitude, hearing the word Socialist, did rise up and stone the man to death.

I want to see the Teabagger Jesus Beatitudes.  :lulz:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

LMNO

#4
October 18, 2012, 07:37:11 PM
You should write them.

tyrannosaurus vex

#5
October 18, 2012, 07:48:01 PM
Blessed are the numb and the ignorant, for theirs is the bliss of heaven.
Blessed are the cheats and the swindlers, for they shall possess the land.
Blessed are they who steal, for they shall be called Successful.
Blessed are merciless, for they shall instill Efficiency and Responsibility in the colons of millions.
Blessed are the filthy rich, for their greed shall set up whole empires.
Blessed are the warmakers, for they shall decide who are the children of God.
Blessed are they that falsely claim to suffer persecution, for they shall make Oppressor synonymous with Oppressed, causing the complete logical collapse of all language and making it impossible for words to convince anyone of anything.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#6
October 18, 2012, 07:56:27 PM
Ye are the salt of the earth, but if the salt no longer makes us money, wherewith shall it be salted? It is thence no good, but to be cast out on the pavement and trodden under the feet of real americans.
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
October 18, 2012, 08:01:14 PM
BLESSED ARE THE DUMBFUCKS, FOR THEY SHALL GET EVERYTHING THEY CLAMOR FOR.

eta:  GOOD AND HARD.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#8
October 18, 2012, 08:04:05 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 18, 2012, 08:01:14 PM
BLESSED ARE THE DUMBFUCKS, FOR THEY SHALL GET EVERYTHING THEY CLAMOR FOR.

eta:  GOOD AND HARD.

NO KISS

NO DINNER

NO MOVIE

NO LUBE
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

tyrannosaurus vex

#9
October 18, 2012, 08:23:06 PM
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name,
Though profits come,
Thy tax be none, on Earth,
As it is in Heaven.
Give us this year our annual bonus
And forgive our debts, as we prosecute to the fullest extent of the law those who have borrowed from us.
And lead us not into bankruptcy,
But deliver us from it if it comes, using the money of working people.
For thine is the House,
And the Senate, and all the Courts,
Forever and ever.
Amen.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
October 18, 2012, 08:24:08 PM
Quote from: V3X on October 18, 2012, 08:23:06 PM
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name,
Though profits come,
Thy tax be none, on Earth,
As it is in Heaven.
Give us this year our annual bonus
And forgive our debts, as we prosecute to the fullest extent of the law those who have borrowed from us.
And lead us not into bankruptcy,
But deliver us from it if it comes, using the money of working people.
For thine is the House,
And the Senate, and all the Courts,
Forever and ever.
Amen.

Yoink (with credit)
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#11
October 18, 2012, 08:26:08 PM
Hell yeah.  Also yoinking... is "V3X from PD" good enough?

tyrannosaurus vex

#12
October 18, 2012, 08:28:05 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on October 18, 2012, 08:26:08 PM
Hell yeah.  Also yoinking... is "V3X from PD" good enough?

Works for me.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Q. G. Pennyworth

#13
October 18, 2012, 08:35:25 PM
 :mittens: :mittens:

tyrannosaurus vex

#14
October 18, 2012, 09:26:34 PM
in WEB 4.0 SHAREABLE MEDIA FORMAT

Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.
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