What I've got in my pocket is going to save you so much trouble. No matter who you are, where your from, or what you circumstances are, just one of these little miracles is going to fix you right up. All it takes is a deep breath, and taking the plunge.
What I've got in my pocket will cure what ails ya. Cancer, stigmata, Libertarianism, no matter the disease, you'll feel like a million smackers after smacking this. 100% all-natural, no side effects, and it's government approved.
What I've got in my pocket was never in a lab. It's not been co-opted by the scientific conspiracy. No men in white coats cutting facts to unrecognizable pieces to suit their ends here.
What I've got in my pocket is free from religion. No hippie-dippy, new-agey, woojie-woojies, nor corpse-god eaters, nor followers of the imageless prophet, nor the true chosen people of the Semitic war god have been near it.
So what have I got in my pocket?