The Last Whiskey Bar

[The Good Reverend Roger]

you've seriously never heard mmm-bop?
that's incredible.

The radio was stolen out of my car a couple years ago.

15 years ago?

[Elder Iptuous]

you've seriously never heard mmm-bop?
that's incredible.

The radio was stolen out of my car a couple years ago.

15 years ago?

holy

shit.
now i feel confused and strange again.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

you've seriously never heard mmm-bop?
that's incredible.

The radio was stolen out of my car a couple years ago.

15 years ago?

Man, time flies!

[Don Coyote]

I am begining to suspect the DM might have some trouble balancing random encounters, or encounters in general.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Dammit iptuous!

Im like a swan i only love only love... Only love once!

[Elder Iptuous]

 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

You bastard. My mom used to listen to them all the time. Now i fucking deeply dippy stuck in my head. Fahkin hell dood. :lobs grenade:

[Pæs]

Okay guys, here's the thing you need to know about Hanson. It's important that you learn this before it goes any further.

Before 1995 there was no Hanson. Their debut album was titled "Middle of Nowhere" because that's where Nigel went to build them. Sure, you read about a pre-MMMBop history of the band, touring inconsequential festivals with immemorable covers of the hits of yesteryear...  but how many bands does that describe? It's easy to fill in the blank faces of people you forgot about with the more memorable faces of the Hanson brothers.

Knowing what I do, I am hesitant to advise that anyone investigate persons reported missing in Tulsa in 1993 and the source code behind the software I used to simulate patchwork faces built of features from these missing was stored on disks now ground down to scrap and set in concrete. My evidence, therefore, cannot be communicated directly (this is by design) but I am told that the truth of it can be seen in my eyes when people ask "what ever happened to Hanson?"

Now, I will be direct, because the speakers of my computer are starting to hum and I know that soon they will begin to play that song. I have done all I can to combat it. My attempts to use similar technology have been minimally successful, resulting in only a small number of novelty attempts at "stopping the bop".

The Hanson brothers are flesh puppets animated by Nigel's will. It is possible that she does not remember constructing them, but I have diary entries written to inform myself that I have seen photographs of her workshop. It is complicated to give myself information such as this as the song requires that information about it be forgotten and destroyed. I will not detail the metamusic I have had to construct to remain this aware. She may even have allowed herself to be exposed to this element of its abhorrence, for plausible deniability should the truth ever come out.

The song was designed to be viral. It was almost totally successful. While there is a natural revulsion, a primal rejection of the thing, still it endures. The MMMBop referred to in the song is a unit of time. It is a flexible unit of time. Do you fully grasp the significance of this?

Perhaps not. Perhaps my detailed technical explanation of the thing is as subject to its editing as the appeals I have made on national news, as ignorable as my shaking strangers in the street begging them to notice.

Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care?

Ooooh ok yeah.

Mmmbop, ba duba dop.
Ba du bop, ba duba dop.
Ba du bop, ba duba dop.
Ba du.
Yeah.

[Pæs]

THAT'S WHY SHE DOESN'T KNOW! THAT'S WHY SHE CAN'T REMEMBER WHO THEY ARE!

Oh yeah.
In an MMMBop they're gone.
Yeah, yeah.

[Elder Iptuous]

 

[Pæs]

I... I see...

My warning has been reduced to comedy.

Then all hope is lost.

Can you tell me? Oh.
No, you can't, 'cause you don't know.
Can you tell me?
You say you can but you don't know.

[Elder Iptuous]

oh, don't worry, paes.
they'll care.
when they lose their hair.

[Pæs]

If only you understood the significance of that line. The animated Hansens can no longer grow hair naturally. They have to steal it an inch at a time from mesmerised fans. Now that the song is out there, they've been released from Nigel's direct control... half-men with half-lives and personal histories which they had to read about to remember. So much upkeep to maintain the illusion of life. So much effort to forget the nights they spend stalking the streets, humming the song to lure sleepwalkers out of their houses to steal hair and patches of skin for where their seams are starting to show.

[Cain]

You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You go through all this pain and strife
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
And they're gone so fast
So hold on to the ones who really care
In the end they'll be the only ones there
When you get old and start losing your hair
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care?

Chorus:
Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du

Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du

Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows
It's a secret no one knows
It's a secret no one knows
no one knows
(Repeat Chorus)

In an mmm bop they're gone.
In an mmm bop they're not there.
In an mmm bop they're gone.
In an mmm bop they're not there.
Until you lose your hair. But you don't care.

(Repeat Chorus)

Can you tell me? You say you can but you don't know.
Can you tell me which flower's going to grow?
Can you tell me if it's going to be a daisy or a rose?
Can you tell me which flower's going to grow?
Can you tell me? You say you can but you don't know.

(Repeat Chorus)
\

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Annnnnd the board died.

Because Cain killed them all.  All the foolish slobs who didn't immediately scroll past that, while cranking up the volume on the 8 track player, thus allowing Burn Down the Mission to drown out the awful.

But given that the board has now been brutally murdered, I guess I'd better go find something to do.