Author Topic: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition  (Read 2413 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« on: December 11, 2012, 03:55:30 pm »
The Portland PD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.  The President decides to give them a test.  He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI goes in.  They place animal informants throughout the forest.  They question all plant and mineral witnesses.  After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The CIA goes in.  After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.  The rabbit had it coming.

The Portland PD goes in.  They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!'

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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2012, 03:58:44 pm »
The Portland PD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.  The President decides to give them a test.  He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI goes in.  They place animal informants throughout the forest.  They question all plant and mineral witnesses.  After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The CIA goes in.  After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.  The rabbit had it coming.

The Portland PD goes in.  They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!'

 :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Cainad (dec.)

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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2012, 04:03:37 pm »
:mittens: :lulz:

Richter

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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2012, 07:41:53 pm »
 :lulz: :kingmeh:  This is the Portland we asked for.
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2012, 07:43:32 pm »
Well really. Rabbit or bear, either way the forest is safer, right?  :horrormirth:
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2012, 07:46:20 pm »
Well really. Rabbit or bear, either way the forest is safer, right?  :horrormirth:

I think it stands to reason that the bear had to be guilty of something, right?  You know how Those People are.

Ew, ick.  I feel dirty even doing that satirically.
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- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2012, 07:50:53 pm »
Well really. Rabbit or bear, either way the forest is safer, right?  :horrormirth:

I think it stands to reason that the bear had to be guilty of something, right?  You know how Those People are.


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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2012, 11:18:31 pm »
An Oak and Acorn level curfew is in effect for YOUR protection.
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Juana

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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #8 on: December 11, 2012, 11:32:20 pm »
:lulz:
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2012, 08:59:11 am »
 :lulz: :lulz: brilliant.
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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2012, 05:44:36 pm »
The Portland PD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.  The President decides to give them a test.  He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI goes in.  They place animal informants throughout the forest.  They question all plant and mineral witnesses.  After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The CIA goes in.  After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.  The rabbit had it coming.

The Portland PD goes in.  They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!'

:potd:

Seguin PD didn't even go into the forest. They just grabbed a smudgey guy and posed for a pic on the front page of the Gazette-Enterprise with the slogan "WE GOT HIM!"
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Juana

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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #11 on: December 13, 2012, 12:52:29 am »
Fresno PD wouldn't have beat him. they'd have filled him full of lead and said they saw him reaching for a gun (the bear would turn out to have been unarmed).
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Cain

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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #12 on: December 13, 2012, 12:53:56 am »
The Metropolitan Police would hack the phones of the rabbits and then sell the story to the tabloids.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #13 on: December 13, 2012, 01:40:19 pm »
The Metropolitan Police would hack the phones of the rabbits and then sell the story to the tabloids.

The Met would shoot a stoat in the subway and call it a day.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cain

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Re: I'M A RABBIT: Portland edition
« Reply #14 on: December 13, 2012, 02:16:59 pm »
This is also true.  The long list of cruel things the Met would do to animals would likely even shock the hardened investigators at the RSPCA