An open letter to ECH

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Not really, anymore. All the new young hipsters go to Portland or Austin or Brooklyn. Seattle is full of people who were hipsters 10+ years ago and desperately want to remind you of how REALLY REALLY COOL they used to be.

Seriously, it's taken me a few months but I've realized that I can't stand most of my old friends out here, mostly because they haven't changed a bit since I was hanging out with them 15 years ago. There's only so much I can take of "dude, remember that time we....?" followed by some idiotic reminiscence of some time we were wasted in high school before I snap and just tear someone's lips off.

Those people drive me crazy. I've gone on a few dates with aging hipsters, and they suck. The conversation goes like this:

Me: "Hi. So what kinds of things are you into?"
Him: "I'm really into music, "I used to be in a band with [name drop] and we played at [name drop] with [name drop] in 1996"
Me: "Oh. That isn't very interesting at all. Are you doing anything whatsoever with yourself now?"
Him: "Uh not really, I'm unemployed and all I do is smoke pot, drink, and cry into my lonely pillow."

They don't literally say that, but they might as well.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

My favorite is "I was in a kind of famous band in the nineties, you might have heard of them" and then they name a band that absolutely nobody has ever heard of except for the band members' girlfriends at the time, and even they have long forgotten what it was called.

"Yeah, baby, I was in Fuckfence, maybe you've heard of them?"

No. No, I have not, and neither has anyone else, and most importantly, even if I had heard of them, I don't actually care.