What's my Effin Problem.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I don't even know. I'll have to think about it some. Maybe it didn't feel sporting, like you had an unfair advantage? Ultimately, probably, only you will be able to figure out the reason why, but other people will be able to help you sort it out. So keep talking.

It's weird. It's like, this world must be so totally fucked if a two-time-high-school-drop-out, punker, pot-head, discordian, whacko is the one who's pulling a 4.0. I'm not trying to downplay myself, here, but I think it says something about the state of affairs in education here in 'murrica.

NEWSFLASH: You are smart. Extremely smart. That doesn't mean classes couldn't stand to challenge you a little more, it just means that you are going into this with a huge advantage over most of the other students. And, being a high-school dropout does not in any way mean you should be "worse" at college than kids who stayed and went through the mill. I'm a 3rd grade dropout.

Maybe just accept that you are very intelligent, as well as motivated and disciplined in a way that most 20-year-olds aren't, and that makes this a lot easier for you than it is for most of them. Accept that gift and move forward with it.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Is it safe to say this course or whatever is the start of something? Like you're going to do more, higher-level education based shit on the back of it?

If so then you trashed level 1. It'll put you in good stead for level 2 and beyond but it's going to get harder. Your game now is to keep that 4.0 thing as close to the top as poss for as long as you can hold onto it.

Also, this. You do your work, you go to class, and honestly, at an undergraduate level that should be enough for any reasonably smart person to get A/B grades in most subjects. You use the fact to maintain a high GPA, and your reward is that A. you learn the material (do you find it interesting and worth learning?) and B. you get to go on to a  more challenging and engaging level in a couple years. Grad school is not going to be the same cakewalk.

[LMNO]

Maybe a couple of questions, maybe some observations.

The way the Op read, it sounded like a, "wait, that's it?" moment.  You went in shooting for the A, you got it, and then... nothing.  Great, you sat through the classes, did the homework, asked the questions, took the tests, and.  That's all.  Was it supposed to feel like more of a challenge?  Or was there a building of tension and stress during the semester, with no apparent payoff at the end?  Relaxation -> Tension -> Release -> Relaxation is an almost universal cycle in a lot of human behavior, and if it gets blocked at any point, it can lead to frustration and depression (or so says Dr. Reich).  It sounds like something didn't happen in your head that was supposed to.

Maybe your goals were wrong; or more accurately, maybe you thought the goal was supposed to be one thing, when what you wanted was another.  Was the point of going to college getting A's, or was that supposed to be a byproduct of something else?  What was it you really wanted out of college?

Did you learn anything?  Did you learn anything you wanted to learn?  Do you feel like you actually got something out of your classes?  If not, why not?

Ok, so those were a lot of questions.  My suggestion is to figure out what sort of map you had of what the college experience would/should be, and how the actual experience differed.  Because something seems to be off between the two.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Welcome to imposter syndrome, Dimo.

When you feel that way, have Richter apply the rebar-o-correction to your nads.  This will cause the feeling to pass.

[Cuddlefish]

Welcome to Academia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

it means you're doing fine, now keep using that self concious nervous energy to continue getting good grades.

Y'know, I was thinking this had something to do with the Dunning-Kruger effect, but I couldn't quite figure out exactly how. This is the first I've heard of the imposter syndrome. Thanks for the link, Faust, it was helpful.

I learned to make the page conform to what my eyes can see, and you have learned to conform the page to what educators want you to understand. They're both nice skills to have that result in external praise and open doors, but it seems neither of these accomplishments are especially meaningful to either of us, in and of themselves.

I felt stupid because I was putting too much stock into what other people thought of me, even though it was initially gratifying to the ego.

This is very similar to how I'm feeling. Thanks for posting. Knowing other people have had similar issues makes me fell a bit less like I'm just imagining it.

Is it safe to say this course or whatever is the start of something? Like you're going to do more, higher-level education based shit on the back of it?

If so then you trashed level 1. It'll put you in good stead for level 2 and beyond but it's going to get harder. Your game now is to keep that 4.0 thing as close to the top as poss for as long as you can hold onto it.

Also, this. You do your work, you go to class, and honestly, at an undergraduate level that should be enough for any reasonably smart person to get A/B grades in most subjects. You use the fact to maintain a high GPA, and your reward is that A. you learn the material (do you find it interesting and worth learning?) and B. you get to go on to a  more challenging and engaging level in a couple years. Grad school is not going to be the same cakewalk.

Well, I did find the previous semester to be challenging, and honestly, I learned a lot last semester. Y'know, now that I think about it, I think part of the whole thing is me trying to figure out what to do with all this new knowledge. I've been accumulating new concepts and ideas at such a rapid pace for the past year or two, it's like information overload. So much to consider at any given moment. Plus, I'm so much more aware of all the shitty things operating in our 'murrican 'culture' that it's kind of paralyzing.

Ok, so those were a lot of questions.  My suggestion is to figure out what sort of map you had of what the college experience would/should be, and how the actual experience differed.  Because something seems to be off between the two.

Good suggestion. I hadn't even really thought about my initial expectations. Maybe a map/territory examination/comparison is in order. I think, though, that I answered most of your other questions in the responses to other people's posts.

Welcome to imposter syndrome, Dimo.

When you feel that way, have Richter apply the rebar-o-correction to your nads.  This will cause the feeling to pass.

Good advice is good.

But, hell, guys. This has been really helpful. It's difficult to explain this stuff to most people. They usually just say 'oh, a 4.0! That's good!' which is really nice and everything, but doesn't really help me understand why I feel like such shit. This idea of the imposter syndrome sounds like the closest thing to what I'm feeling, but I do believe something else is going on that is adding to it. I do feel kind of alone or alienated from the other student and I'm having difficulties making friends and meeting people. But, I think the two issues are related somehow. These people see me as straight A student, not the degenerate street goon that I'm used to be viewed as (in a way, I prefer it. Of course, I use the previous term for style. I don't think I'm a goon in any traditional sense) but the isolation propels the 'imposter effect' and vice-versa. Does this make any sense?

But, really, thanks dudes.

PD.com, still the best place to figure out why you're such a tool.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Perhaps your campus needs some discord? I think I understand a bit now. You're shut off from another aspect of your personality in this environment. Maybe some harmless shenanigans are in order.

[Cuddlefish]

Also, guys, dead serious: this place is responsible for my success. I would be just assuming I knew everything and cursing the world for not meeting my own standards if I hadn't met most of you when I did.

[Cuddlefish]

You're shut off from another aspect of your personality in this environment.

Yeah, man. You know what? This kinda hit me in a spot (the cockles?).

[Nephew Twiddleton]

You're shut off from another aspect of your personality in this environment.

Yeah, man. You know what? This kinda hit me in a spot (the cockles?).

Make yourself at home man.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I know what you mean, Dimo. This forum has improved me intellectually and as a human being.

I'm not as far along as you are, I'm not starting university classes until the fall, but I've noticed that the early classes in any given subject are harder, and although the material gets more sophisticated and in-depth, the classes themselves get easier as I go along because I have a vocabulary and foundation in the subject. People I've talked to say that I can expect this trend to continue.

It's kind of that way in anything, though; once you have basic proficiency in something, say making beads, adding to that proficiency isn't so hard because you're in familiar territory. Once you're at the university level, you're not taking any subjects you don't already have lower-division proficiency in.

[LMNO]

You're shut off from another aspect of your personality in this environment.

Yeah, man. You know what? This kinda hit me in a spot (the cockles?).

Make yourself at home man.

This is great advice.  It sort of happened to me when I went back to college, and I kind of crawled into a bottle for a few semesters.  Let the greasy Paraplegic Dimo shine through a bit, and you'll probably attract some like minds.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

You're shut off from another aspect of your personality in this environment.

Yeah, man. You know what? This kinda hit me in a spot (the cockles?).

Make yourself at home man.

This is great advice.  It sort of happened to me when I went back to college, and I kind of crawled into a bottle for a few semesters.  Let the greasy Paraplegic Dimo shine through a bit, and you'll probably attract some like minds.

Remind me of this advice when I transfer to UMass.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You're shut off from another aspect of your personality in this environment.

Yeah, man. You know what? This kinda hit me in a spot (the cockles?).

Make yourself at home man.

This is great advice.  It sort of happened to me when I went back to college, and I kind of crawled into a bottle for a few semesters.  Let the greasy Paraplegic Dimo shine through a bit, and you'll probably attract some like minds.

This.  Walk around with your pants around your ankles and your punk rock hanging out.  Metaphorically.  Maybe.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I know what you mean, Dimo. This forum has improved me intellectually and as a human being.

I'm not as far along as you are, I'm not starting university classes until the fall, but I've noticed that the early classes in any given subject are harder, and although the material gets more sophisticated and in-depth, the classes themselves get easier as I go along because I have a vocabulary and foundation in the subject. People I've talked to say that I can expect this trend to continue.

It's kind of that way in anything, though; once you have basic proficiency in something, say making beads, adding to that proficiency isn't so hard because you're in familiar territory. Once you're at the university level, you're not taking any subjects you don't already have lower-division proficiency in.

"The learning curve" I've heard things described as having a "steep learning curve" but I'm of the opinion that this is bullshit. Steep learning curve is the rule, not the exception for all the reasons you just said.

[Bruno]

I think you've just been living in that tree making cookies for too long.





Oh, you said "effin" problem.