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For My People: WHY I am a great big jerk.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, February 13, 2013, 05:48:08 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

February 13, 2013, 05:48:08 PM
Hi, my name is The Good Reverend Roger, and I'm a great big jerk.  People often ask me WHY I'm a jerk, but I usually just crap all over them in response, because...Well, "jerk".  But today, I thought I'd make my case for why I'm a jerk, and why many of YOU should be jerks.

1.  I am not required to tolerate passive-aggressive backhanded sniping.  If you wish to tell me that I'm a fucking jerk, just DO IT.  There's no need to follow me around making snide little comments, like a great big pussy.  Nobody should have to put up with that.

2.  God KNOWS I hate people, and he put me on a planet with 7.3 billion of you assmonkeys.  I should be compensated for this.

3.  I am old and cranky.  I take pills to maintain even the semblance of civility that you fuckers have experienced.

4.  I am ALSO the most compassionate, caring, and kindly bag of shit you jackasses will EVER see, once you're out from under the wing of your parents.  Compared to the bosses, co-workers, and/or university professors you are about to experience, I am the next thing to Mahatma fucking Gandhi.  Just think of me as your introduction to what's waiting for you around life's corner, holding a bat with a nail through it and giggling like a low-grade moron.

5.  The English have a saying, "Keep being their cunt, and they'll keep fucking you."  WORDS TO LIVE BY.

6.  The poet ee cummings once wrote "There is some shit I will not eat."  ALSO WORDS TO LIVE BY.

7.  As you get older, if you CAN'T be a jerk to people who run up to you DEMANDING it, you will get ulcers, high blood pressure, heart problems, and you will begin to resemble a door mat.

8.  Jerks don't get bothered much.  "Reasonable people" are life's chew toy.

9.  As you get older, your capacity to listen to the tales of woe from dumbfucks will diminish.  Do not fight this, or you will be the crying towel for every useless son of a bitch that comes down the pike, whimpering excuses as to why their fucked up life isn't their fault.

10.  FUCK 'EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE.

That is all.  You may now return to your regularly scheduled Holist thread.

Venomously yours and SHUT UP,
TGRR
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

P3nT4gR4m

#1
February 13, 2013, 05:53:28 PM
:mittens:

Especially 10 fucking all of it.

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
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walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Elder Iptuous

#2
February 13, 2013, 06:01:23 PM
hm... something to think about.

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
February 13, 2013, 06:02:42 PM
Quote from: Elder Iptuous on February 13, 2013, 06:01:23 PM
hm... something to think about.

Well, you're not My People, but I can't see the above advice not being beneficial anyway.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

EK WAFFLR

#4
February 13, 2013, 06:05:04 PM
Waffles likes this.
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
February 13, 2013, 06:07:09 PM
Quote from: Waffles, Viking Princess of Northern Belgium on February 13, 2013, 06:05:04 PM
Waffles likes this.

Was my post Facebook-y? 

Shit.

I'm out.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

EK WAFFLR

#6
February 13, 2013, 06:12:25 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 13, 2013, 06:07:09 PM
Quote from: Waffles, Viking Princess of Northern Belgium on February 13, 2013, 06:05:04 PM
Waffles likes this.

Was my post Facebook-y? 

Shit.

I'm out.

Oh, not at all. I'm just completely out of constructive things to say.

Sorry for the confusion.
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

Anna Mae Bollocks

#7
February 13, 2013, 06:15:01 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 13, 2013, 06:07:09 PM
Quote from: Waffles, Viking Princess of Northern Belgium on February 13, 2013, 06:05:04 PM
Waffles likes this.

Was my post Facebook-y? 

Shit.

I'm out.

No pics of your lunch, colorful cocktails or cats, no links to petitions, no game notifications, no missing kids who snopes have been saying for five years never existed, no bogus "information" about facebook privacy settings...

Nope, not facebook-y. Come back.
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
February 13, 2013, 06:18:58 PM
Quote from: Pope Partum Depression on February 13, 2013, 06:15:01 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 13, 2013, 06:07:09 PM
Quote from: Waffles, Viking Princess of Northern Belgium on February 13, 2013, 06:05:04 PM
Waffles likes this.

Was my post Facebook-y? 

Shit.

I'm out.

No pics of your lunch, colorful cocktails or cats, no links to petitions, no game notifications, no missing kids who snopes have been saying for five years never existed, no bogus "information" about facebook privacy settings...

Nope, not facebook-y. Come back.

But it IS Facebook.  Everything is Facebook, because Facebook is now EVERYTHING.  "So and so likes this" was originally intended - here - as a sarcastic response for threads about peoples' junk, etc, and now it's an ACTUAL RESPONSE WHEN NO OTHER RESPONSE IS AT HAND.

:horrormirth:

INTERNET OVER.  SOMEONE KILL ME.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

EK WAFFLR

#9
February 13, 2013, 06:22:23 PM
That was me being moronic, Roger, nothing else.
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
February 13, 2013, 06:25:35 PM
Quote from: Waffles, Viking Princess of Northern Belgium on February 13, 2013, 06:22:23 PM
That was me being moronic, Roger, nothing else.

No, if it was JUST you, we could throw you into the business end of one of those fjord things, and get on with life.  But it ISN'T just you, it's damn near everyone.  Zombiepocalypse?  We got your Goddamn zombiepocalypse, it's FACEBOOK and Goddamn TWITTER and that fucking DEVIANTART and it's WORSE than a REAL Zombiepocalypse, because I CAN'T SHOOT YOU PEOPLE IN THE HEAD.  At least not without all manner of paperwork.

THERE IS MORE TO THE INTERNET THAN FACEBOOK.  Wait.  No, there isn't.  The internet has been made SAFE. 

Please go stand by the stairs.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#11
February 13, 2013, 06:29:40 PM
Like Disneyland? STAY INSIDE THE LINES...
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

#12
February 13, 2013, 06:36:05 PM
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#13
February 13, 2013, 06:42:11 PM
I like the way the other robots show up to protect us from the original robots and MAKE IT ALL BETTER

:horror:
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

trippinprincezz13

#14
February 13, 2013, 06:47:29 PM
As a person slowly learning how not to be a doormat and the balance between "My heart bleeds for everybody" and "Everybody is a horrible asshole and can fuck right off, I thought this was was all pretty sound advice.
There's no sun shine coming through her ass, if you are sure of your penis.

Paranoia is a disease unto itself, and may I add, the person standing next to you, may not be who they appear to be, so take precaution.

If there is no order in your sexual life it may be difficult to stay with a whole skin.
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