Shit. Fuck! GAWDEMMIT!! pork chops and carrots.

[Freeky]

Ingredients:
Pork chops, boneless and thinly sliced
Carrots (not the baby kind)
Ancho Chile powder
Lemon pepper
Ground mustard
Brown sugar
Orange juice
Worstershire
Liquid smoke
dried chopped onions
stick o' butter
stainless steel cookware and electric stove, none of which you've used before (important!)

First, start the carrots. Take a medium saucepan and melt the stick of butter in it on 7. 7 is a reasonable number for cold but- SHIT, IS BURNING! 5, 5, 5! Okay, is stop burning, but it's too hot still for it be by itself ahhhhhhh BROWN SUGAR AND HEAT 2. Okay. Not hot enough. Orange juice and back to 5. Cut up two or three carrots before the much begins bubbling too much and toss them in, peels and all. Cover.


Eye the small stainless steel pan with loathing. Know that it is going to be a pain to clean, especially if you can't manage to not burn the liquid. Season pork chops with the stuff, not using the brown sugar or orange juice yet. Throw it in the pan, season the other side, flip, remove from pan. Begin seasoning next chop FUCK pan is burning. Splash orange juice in, throw chop in. Begin the battle to not burn everything, alternating between juice, worsterwhatever and liquid smoke. Halfway there, things are looking good, major catastrophes avoided what the hell is that noise. Carrots are burning and what is that noise and WHY IS TGE BURNER TURNING HI RED WHEN IT'S STILL ON 5 HEAT GAWDEMMIT MY STOVE IS BROKEN. Turn burner off before it explodes or something and remove pot from heat. Deem carrots salvageable, despite burned sugar. Finish cooking chops. Regard horrible brown slop in pan, then pour it over the chops. Whatever.

Add snow and a terrible eagerness to please according to taste. Admit that it really didn't come out too bad. Feeds three people.

[East Coast Hustle]

Freeky Freeky Freeky...WHY OH GOD WHY WOULD YOU EAT UNPEELED CARROTS?

Seriously, those are some NASTY chemicals you're ingesting.

[Elder Iptuous]

...UNPEELED CARROTS?

...those are some NASTY chemicals...

carrot peels have unsavoury chemicals on them?

[Eater of Clowns]

Sounds tasty... I bet they'd be good with some quinoa thrown in as well.

[Cain]

...UNPEELED CARROTS?

...those are some NASTY chemicals...

carrot peels have unsavoury chemicals on them?

Pesticides, at the very least.

Organic carrot peels are meant to be good for you...but good luck finding organic carrots in Arizona.

[Elder Iptuous]

...UNPEELED CARROTS?

...those are some NASTY chemicals...

carrot peels have unsavoury chemicals on them?

Pesticides, at the very least.

Organic carrot peels are meant to be good for you...but good luck finding organic carrots in Arizona.

sure, but every piece of produce has pesticides, no?  are carrots worse because of their surface texture making them more difficult to wash off than, say, an apple?
i would have thought that being a tuber would mean they get less exposure to chemicals that are sprayed, but perhaps the soil is impregnated with some pesticide that they sit in, or something?
I ATE SOME CARROT PEELS! WHAT DO‽‽

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You're FUCKED FOREVER.

[Elder Iptuous]

 


freeky. is your stove one of those flat top types?
that's what i've got and the temperature goes from off to BOILWATERNOW! and then the knob can turn uselessly between level 2 and 10 just to make us feel like we have some control.
i googled and it turns out that all of them are like that for some reason that i can't fathom.  in fact, this is tacitly admitted by the fact that one of the burners has a 'simmer select' switch that you turn on when you want to simmer your shit, but barely turning the knob will burn your shit, lickety-split...
i think there's some sociololgical experimentation going on, because i, using my mighty EE degree, cannot figure why the controls are so stoopid without being intentionally so.

[Freeky]

ECH, I haven't found my peeler yet.

Ippie, it's the metal coil type. I'm fairly certain that burner is defective or broke, because the noise mentioned was a high pitched squeal + rattle.

Roger: I may as well mark all read, at this point. And pm the mgt.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

ECH, I haven't found my peeler yet.

Ippie, it's the metal coil type. I'm fairly certain that burner is defective or broke, because the noise mentioned was a high pitched squeal + rattle.

Roger: I may as well mark all read, at this point. And pm the mgt.

I was talking to Iptuous.  There's nothing a little pesticide can do that Tucson doesn't do fasterbetterharder.

[Freeky]

Ah. Truth. 

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

freeky. is your stove one of those flat top types?
that's what i've got and the temperature goes from off to BOILWATERNOW! and then the knob can turn uselessly between level 2 and 10 just to make us feel like we have some control.
i googled and it turns out that all of them are like that for some reason that i can't fathom.  in fact, this is tacitly admitted by the fact that one of the burners has a 'simmer select' switch that you turn on when you want to simmer your shit, but barely turning the knob will burn your shit, lickety-split...
i think there's some sociololgical experimentation going on, because i, using my mighty EE degree, cannot figure why the controls are so stoopid without being intentionally so.

I've never cooked on one of those, but I believe it.

With a gas stove, you can see how big the fire is as soon as you adjust it. Electric stoves are kind of a bitch for me. Usable, but not as fine-tunable as gas. The NEXT BIG THING has got to be worse, it always is.

Maybe the point is to MAKE YOU FUCK UP YOUR FOOD SO YOU QUIT SCRATCH COOKING AND SPEND MONEY ON PREPARED CRAP.

[Elder Iptuous]

Next thing is induction stoves that turn your cookware itself into the heating element.  granted, you have to buy compatible cookware...

[East Coast Hustle]

...UNPEELED CARROTS?

...those are some NASTY chemicals...

carrot peels have unsavoury chemicals on them?

Pesticides, at the very least.

Organic carrot peels are meant to be good for you...but good luck finding organic carrots in Arizona.

sure, but every piece of produce has pesticides, no?  are carrots worse because of their surface texture making them more difficult to wash off than, say, an apple?
i would have thought that being a tuber would mean they get less exposure to chemicals that are sprayed, but perhaps the soil is impregnated with some pesticide that they sit in, or something?
I ATE SOME CARROT PEELS! WHAT DO‽‽

Truth is, you should be washing or peeling any produce that you didn't grow yourself. Even organic pesticides are nothing you want to be ingesting. And if you did grow the produce yourself, you should probably have your soil tested first unless you grow in raised beds with organic soil. I mean the reality is that it's so pervasive that it's much easier to just not give a shit, but seriously, agricultural pesticides are REALLY REALLY bad for you.

[East Coast Hustle]

ECH, I haven't found my peeler yet.

Ippie, it's the metal coil type. I'm fairly certain that burner is defective or broke, because the noise mentioned was a high pitched squeal + rattle.

Roger: I may as well mark all read, at this point. And pm the mgt.

Get a clean piece of steel wool or a clean chore-boy. You can scour the crap off the surface of the carrot pretty easily.