Conquest of the Planet of the Bride of the Son of the Return of the Open Bar

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

And of course, "trying" is relative. Some people say they're trying and it's like, well I hear a lot of chopping but I don't see any chips flying.

Anyway, basically I am saying that I 1. won't date a depressed person in the first place because it won't work out, I'm not a match for depression (some people are, I'm not saying that they shouldn't, my very chronically depressed friend found a wonderful wife who just isn't bothered by it) and 2. if I was married to someone and they started treating me like shit because they were depressed I would probably bail within about six months to a year if they did not get therapy and start treating me better. And, even if they did, It still might not work out, and I don't feel like depression is a reason ANYONE should feel like they "have to" stay with anyone else. That's complete abusive bullshit (not saying you're saying that, but I've heard it and fuck that). And no, I wouldn't leave if they had cancer, but depression isn't like cancer and fuck anyone who says it is.

I am a little heated about this issue because my ex used to pull some self-pity BULLFUCK about how I had to put up with his abusive shit because WAAAAHHHHH I'M DEPRESSED and I'M REALLY A NICE PERSON ON THE INSIDE and fuck that. You ARE WHAT YOU DO. Treat me like shit and I'm leaving, I don't GIVE A FLYING FUCK what your problems are.

Oh, and "I have chronic depression" is definitely a full-disclosure point of interest, IMO.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh, and one of my good friends has depression and it made her partner of four and a half years miserable, and eventually he broke up with her because he just couldn't do it anymore. I'm not going to condemn him for that.

On the upshot, at least she's FINALLY IN THERAPY.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

I am defensive because 1) I'm totally the one being a dick sometimes and I'm really trying not to but it's hard, 2) I really, really want to be in therapy and know it will help as soon as we can get around to it, 3) I really really really like the new husband and I don't want things to get screwed up just because I'm having some problems right now and 4) well, shit, with everything that's happened in the last year I feel like I deserve a little flip-out time.

At the same time, I totally see your point and there are a lot of people I've seen use mental health problems as excuses not to try. Hell, there have been points in my life that I was that guy, but I think I'm at least not making that mistake anymore.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I am defensive because 1) I'm totally the one being a dick sometimes and I'm really trying not to but it's hard, 2) I really, really want to be in therapy and know it will help as soon as we can get around to it, 3) I really really really like the new husband and I don't want things to get screwed up just because I'm having some problems right now and 4) well, shit, with everything that's happened in the last year I feel like I deserve a little flip-out time.

At the same time, I totally see your point and there are a lot of people I've seen use mental health problems as excuses not to try. Hell, there have been points in my life that I was that guy, but I think I'm at least not making that mistake anymore.

Oh, I get that. Of course you want it to work out, and hopefully it will. It sounds like you're aware of and working on your problems. And if it didn't work out, that would really, really suck.

What I object to is the idea that it's OK to blame and revile the other person for "giving up" or "abandoning a sick person" if it doesn't work out. It's just not OK. it makes me think of those guys who think women owe them sex, or people like IANAR who think that everyone else in the world owes him friendship because he has self-diagnosed Aspergers.

I understand being angry at having an illness that you don't deserve, and afraid of losing a relationship because of it. But that doesn't make it OK to insist that your illness IS your partner's responsibility, and that they are OBLIGED to share it with you, and that if they don't they are an asshole. Again, not saying that you said these things, but Alty did, and they're not OK. They're wrong.

If you have an illness, society owes you support. Individuals, however, owe you nothing... not by sheer virtue of having an illness, anyway.

The idea that someone HAS to put up with a partner's abuse or neglect because the partner is sick is, well, sick. Sociopathy is an illness. Narcissistic personality disorder is an illness. Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder are particularly, tragically sad illnesses that cause enormous pain and destruction to relationships for the people who suffer from them. But I would never tell someone that they would be assholes for leaving someone with uncontrolled schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, like I would never tell someone they would be an asshole for leaving someone with uncontrolled alcoholism or drug addiction. When one partner is spinning out of control, it is actually not the other partner's moral obligation to go down with them.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I am alive and well, and everything is

quiet

here in the land of fun and sun.  Everyone around me is soundlessly panicking like something from Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, but these miserable apes cannot touch my satori...For I am a Holy Man™, and their temporal idiocies do not concern me.

[LMNO]

I'm glad you have found peace, in whatever form it might have came.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The Good Reverend has transcended these Tucsonly worries.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm glad you have found peace, in whatever form it might have came.

I locked my office door, and played a Grace Slick CD really loudly.

[LMNO]

Oh, my.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So, my plans are dashed. I cannot  take Biology this summer, because it is at the same time as my Chemistry class.

LAME.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Oh, I get that. Of course you want it to work out, and hopefully it will. It sounds like you're aware of and working on your problems. And if it didn't work out, that would really, really suck.

What I object to is the idea that it's OK to blame and revile the other person for "giving up" or "abandoning a sick person" if it doesn't work out. It's just not OK. it makes me think of those guys who think women owe them sex, or people like IANAR who think that everyone else in the world owes him friendship because he has self-diagnosed Aspergers.

I understand being angry at having an illness that you don't deserve, and afraid of losing a relationship because of it. But that doesn't make it OK to insist that your illness IS your partner's responsibility, and that they are OBLIGED to share it with you, and that if they don't they are an asshole. Again, not saying that you said these things, but Alty did, and they're not OK. They're wrong.

If you have an illness, society owes you support. Individuals, however, owe you nothing... not by sheer virtue of having an illness, anyway.

The idea that someone HAS to put up with a partner's abuse or neglect because the partner is sick is, well, sick. Sociopathy is an illness. Narcissistic personality disorder is an illness. Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder are particularly, tragically sad illnesses that cause enormous pain and destruction to relationships for the people who suffer from them. But I would never tell someone that they would be assholes for leaving someone with uncontrolled schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, like I would never tell someone they would be an asshole for leaving someone with uncontrolled alcoholism or drug addiction. When one partner is spinning out of control, it is actually not the other partner's moral obligation to go down with them.

Yeah, I think Alty may have been knee-jerking at the tone of some of the comments (which included an "obligation to sex" one) and my brain's just being all:

[Suu]

Us NE Spags are planning to accidentally the Boston this summer, instead of the Providence, because it's no longer accidental here. We may Worcester, but not sure yet.

We should REALLY the whole Six Flags. BECAUSE SCIENCE.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I am so tired.

[Salty]

I am so tired.

Yeah, my whole self feels like I've been run over by a truck carrying wolverines.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

I am supposed to be making logos.


I just want to make a skirt to go with my corset instead