10 Reasons Why Cainad is a SPAG.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Says the Holy Man^TM who abdicated his position as Mexico. Just where were those campaign donations going, anyway?

The People™ have spoken.

You will also notice that the guy who yanked the joke job out from underneath me STILL hasn't posted THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Says the Holy Man^TM who abdicated his position as Mexico. Just where were those campaign donations going, anyway?

The People™ have spoken.

You will also notice that the guy who yanked the joke job out from underneath me STILL hasn't posted THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE.

When was the last time The People™ knew jack shit about what was best for their joke needs?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

[Cainad (dec.)]

19. Keeps his crimes secret from everyone except Roger, who receives emails every week describing it all in wretched detail. There's a link in each email to "unsubscribe," but the last time he tried clicking it the power went out across four states.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Says the Holy Man^TM who abdicated his position as Mexico. Just where were those campaign donations going, anyway?

The People™ have spoken.

You will also notice that the guy who yanked the joke job out from underneath me STILL hasn't posted THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE.

When was the last time The People™ knew jack shit about what was best for their joke needs?

No argument.  But I am not a tyrant.  If The People™ wish to settle for half-told, second-rate jokes, then who am I to get in their way?  No, I shall simply sneer at their lack of taste and feel deliciously superior.

And as for the punchline, I have written it down, and on my death it will be sent to Nigel, to be told or not told as she sees fit.  In the unlikely event that she preceeds me in death, then I suggest you hire a medium.  I heard John Edwards needs work.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

19. Keeps his crimes secret from everyone except Roger, who receives emails every week describing it all in wretched detail. There's a link in each email to "unsubscribe," but the last time he tried clicking it the power went out across four states.

I stay up nights, in stark horror.  Then I go get drunk and beat hipsters senseless.  The police know, but do nothing...It's how we roll here.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And don't get me started on YOU, lady.  We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.

"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you.  If you have shoes, she will give them to you."

"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"

"Stay away from the storm drains."

[Eater of Clowns]

THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE does not exist.  Rumors of THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE were started by a disgraced and outed former Cuba seeking to besmirch the good name of Mexico.  Project Infinite Mexico stands against fake jokes.

20.  Cainad was the real life inspiration of the Futurama character Calculon.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE does not exist.  Rumors of THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE were started by a disgraced and outed former Cuba seeking to besmirch the good name of Mexico.  Project Infinite Mexico stands against fake jokes.

Yeah, when faced with the real-life requirements of the job, retreat into conspiracy theory.

Our new mayor is like that, so why not the man who TOOK the job, but no longer even bothers with the title?

But I ain't here to hate on you.  The People™ voted for inferior jokes.  And we are nothing if not a democracy.

[Cainad (dec.)]

And don't get me started on YOU, lady.  We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.

"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you.  If you have shoes, she will give them to you."

"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"

"Stay away from the storm drains."

It's true. Most of them are awful, too:

"A Nigel a day keeps the Nigel away."

"A Nigel in time saves spines."

"When you stare into the abyss, Nigel gives you a push."

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And don't get me started on YOU, lady.  We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.

"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you.  If you have shoes, she will give them to you."

"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"

"Stay away from the storm drains."

It's true. Most of them are awful, too:

"A Nigel a day keeps the Nigel away."

"A Nigel in time saves spines."

"When you stare into the abyss, Nigel gives you a push."

At night, Nigel runs through Tucson (getting here via the Underground, as described in LOBB), leaving death, dismemberment, and empty bottles of bourbon¹ in her wake.

The survivors receive counseling, but the papers never talk about it.  Her activities are blamed on swamp gas² and supply-side economics.



¹  That's right...littering.
²  THIS ISN'T EVEN A SWAMP.  IT IS A DESERT.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

And don't get me started on YOU, lady.  We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.

"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you.  If you have shoes, she will give them to you."

"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"

"Stay away from the storm drains."

If they didn't go around being all like that all the time, they wouldn't have anything to worry about.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

And don't get me started on YOU, lady.  We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.

"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you.  If you have shoes, she will give them to you."

"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"

"Stay away from the storm drains."

It's true. Most of them are awful, too:

"A Nigel a day keeps the Nigel away."

"A Nigel in time saves spines."

"When you stare into the abyss, Nigel gives you a push."

Hey, that last one really isn't so bad.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And don't get me started on YOU, lady.  We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.

"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you.  If you have shoes, she will give them to you."

"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"

"Stay away from the storm drains."

If they didn't go around being all like that all the time, they wouldn't have anything to worry about.

Like WHAT?  "Having skin"?  "Possessed of all original limbs and digits"?  "Not having any permanent brain damage"?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

And don't get me started on YOU, lady.  We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.

"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you.  If you have shoes, she will give them to you."

"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"

"Stay away from the storm drains."

It's true. Most of them are awful, too:

"A Nigel a day keeps the Nigel away."

"A Nigel in time saves spines."

"When you stare into the abyss, Nigel gives you a push."

Hey, that last one really isn't so bad.

I laughed.

Beats the hell out of that Fred Neechee guy's version.