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Sinners in the Hands of an Indifferent Universe

Started by Nephew Twiddleton, March 16, 2013, 12:51:27 AM

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Nephew Twiddleton

Dermot, put three whiskeys on my tab for me, this gentleman and his friend here. You're welcome. But listen up, kid. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, and I gotta tell you something. The Universe isn't what you think it is.

The Universe, is a vast, cold, mostly empty expanse bathed in radiation. The Universe is dark. Almost all of it is a hostile environment. The Universe doesn't care about you. It barely tolerates your existence. It doesn't notice you as an individual. It will kill you if it gets the chance. The sun you feel on your face when you're at the beach? Yeah, it's just biding its time until it decides to turn that beach into glass.

Thank you, Dermot.

The Universe throws big heavy rocks all over the place, and zaps things with gamma rays. The Universe makes stars collapse in on themselves and consume less fortunate stars. The Universe is hungry, and you might be on the menu. The Universe is chaotic, and someday, it will die. We're not quite sure how, but we do know that we'll be way fucking dead before it happens. The Universe runs on its own time, not yours. You're less than a lighter flick in its lifespan.

The Universe is God, but unfortunately, God doesn't love you. God isn't what you think it is. God can't love you. God doesn't want to know what love is, and it doesn't want you to show it. God won't allow you to break its laws, despite your best efforts. Go ahead, build a spaceship and try to get a speeding ticket. You couldn't get into Hell if you tried.

So you see, the Universe certainly isn't your personal teddy bear. The Universe is not all rainbows and magic unicorns. The Universe doesn't owe you shit. No, sir. The Universe certainly doesn't owe you a soulmate. The Universe won't even be your wingman for the night so you can get some pussy, and The Universe isn't going to get you a free drink and listen to your problems.

What you gotta do is just fucking call that chick and tell her how you feel. And if she rejects you, move on to the next chick. Time's short. Remember? As far as the Universe is concerned, your flame already went out, and it didn't even notice.

How's the whiskey?
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Q. G. Pennyworth


The Wizard Joseph

You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."



Prelate Diogenes Shandor

Praise NHGH! For the tribulation of all sentient beings.


a plague on both your houses -Mercutio


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrTGgpWmdZQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVWd7nPjJH8


It is an unfortunate fact that every man who seeks to disseminate knowledge must contend not only against ignorance itself, but against false instruction as well. No sooner do we deem ourselves free from a particularly gross superstition, than we are confronted by some enemy to learning who would plunge us back into the darkness -H.P.Lovecraft


He who fights with monsters must take care lest he thereby become a monster -Nietzsche


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q


You are a fluke of the universe, and whether you can hear it of not the universe is laughing behind your back -Deteriorata


Don't use the email address in my profile, I lost the password years ago

tyrannosaurus vex

This is good. It's even better if you read it in Han Solo's voice.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Nephew Twiddleton

I had completely forgotten that I had written this
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

I can't remember if this was inspired by something, but Dermot is in fact a bartender in my old neighborhood.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Q. G. Pennyworth


Nephew Twiddleton

Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Ziegejunge

I wish I'd had this in my life about four years ago. It would have really helped an acquaintance of mine.

Either that, or it would have broken him in two.

Thanks to you two for the words and the presentation!